Look this became a very long document that i wrote while fixing the translation as i read it for the first time, so my expectations of the document were fresh (i offered to fix the translation as soon as i tried translating the first paragraph to dutch and got nowhere). The language at times may be harsh, but that's merely of how i express myself. If a company cares for me i care for the company more then anything else, even my own job safety. Because i feel, if somebody does or has done a disservice to this company that has treated me so well, that is a problem injustice that NEEDS rectifying. I truly believe all language has its purpose in communication, even swear and curse words. If i'm prevented from truly expressing the gravity of the situation, i'm also incapable of truly making clear the depth of the problem. I therefor have chosen to always express myself the way my instincts make me feel, as they are right a shocking amount of times. To the point where i spent a large part of my life disproving my instincts with my intellect, as i couldn't stand as a rational thinker that my initial 5 second impression could be better then months of work. I gave up after fighting and losing every single one of those battles after 20 years. Now i'm simply of the opinion "if you don't know it hurts you more, and others are dicks for not saying anything". Please treat this document accordingly ^_^ I've tried adding a bit of humor in to lighten the mood at times. NOTE: REACHED THE BOTTOM. Normally i do a "2nd draft" to humanize the text and make it more understandable, then a 3rd to make sure the story is coherent. This time, i'm not going to do that. By now, i've suffered *so much pain* because this was a far bigger job then i thought possible, it's crawled into the writing. So i'm not going to read this ever again, because one i don't want to, and secondly i think it's right that i get to speak like myself for this occasion. This took a mountain of effort to get done Quick and Right so it never needs to be done again, and to keep people who's science i greatly respect out of trouble. Lastly i genuinely don't have the energy, so if you need interpretation, i refer you to Lynne who's my close confidant in these matters and knows how i think, cause i need rest. Oh, and since nobody told me who wrote the brochure - i don't give a flying fuck about their feelings either. This wouldn't pass my IT college, or my highschool for that matter in 2001, and it's bad enough that i'd use it as a perfect example of how not to write a brochure during an university level lecture; Because it hurts your business and destroys reputation rather then creating it. I have no mercy for incompetent authority, and i've warned about this many times, so do not say you weren't warned. If you wanna know my writing skills and ability to master the english lexicon, realize i've typed this entire document in Notepad and have my spellings checker in libreoffice turned off. I have not spell-checked anything in this changelog outside of typing it once. You moan even once i'll show you my directory with notepad-written game designs. My sister writes, my father writes, and i write ungodly amounts myself. Don't test me. Not after working through this hot garbage on your behalf. (PS: Never saw the first page as a blank and i deleted it. Messed up the pagecount xD keep it in mind. Not to worry though - it's so bad, it's chronological, as every single page is featured.) SINCE THIS IS QUITE A HARD READ, REMEMBER THAT I'VE WRITTEN THIS OVER THE PERIOD OF A WEEK AND THAT ONLY THE VERY BOTTOM IS RELEVANT TO MY >CURRENT< HEALTH UPON SENDING THIS DOCUMENT. I wouldn't go as far as to take permanent damage, not for anyone. Not anymore. PAGE 5: 1st paragraph - "Is > has become", past tense; "It is > It's", contraction; Jewelry is American spelling, Jewellery is british spelling: Leaving it on Jewelry because it's the larger market but you oughtta know; "Luster > Shine", Synonym as shine is more known and even i had to google luster; "This short time > A short time", "this" is not really defined, thus people have to figure out "between 2014 and now" themselves which leads to stop-start reading. "Learn more about osmium > Learn more about osmium!", point to exclamation mark as you want people to be excited to learn more about osmium; "it is worth it > It's worth it", Contraction to change a 4 syllable sentence into a 3 sentence statement. Resounds with L'Oreal's campaign "You're worth it" (also note: not "you are worth it"). "possible opportunities and risks > possible opportunities", Yes the risks are explained. But you don't want to mention risk in your first impression. I'm sure there's a whole section on it - save it for when people start to wonder "but what's the catch?" - but let them get to that point on their own first. "The Osmium Identification Code is explained separately. You will learn how to recognize crystalline osmium reliably and where to acquire it." CHANGED TO "Crystallized osmium's unique security features and The Osmium Identification Code are explained as well. You will learn how to recognize crystalline osmium reliably and where to acquire it." - People don't know what the Osmium identification code is about yet. Also you should advertise that the surface provides a unique way against forgeries, and you have to do that in a very short form. Simply stating that it has unique security features accomplishes this. "Enjoy reading, your Osmium team! > Enjoy reading! - Your Osmium Team."; Confusing sentence. Do i posess the osmium team? Exclamation point moved to emphasise the enjoyment of reading, not how much i own a team. Also they're not on the team yet. Signing off is better, as it then says "A team of osmium that's here for you". PAGE 6: "A team of specialists" Perform, Inform and Educate and are available. Not performs, informs, educates and "is available". Added a They for clarity too. "who confirm > who will confirm", do they confirm osmium all the time? do they start screeching everytime there's osmium in a room? xD. "maintain an FAQ > maintain a FAQ" - gammar mistake. PAGE 7: "introduction of osmium > introduction of crystalized osmium", don't need them to introduce the base metal; "importing crystalline osmium > importing the crystalline osmium", purely cosmetic change, reads better when there's two "crystallized/ines" in the same paragraph; "first delivery > the first delivery", same thing. "Picture: Osmium small curved bar in raw form > Picture: Small curved Osmium bar in its raw form", the small isn't osmium, the bar is. "almost any shape > virtually any shape", cosmetic upgrade without hurting ubiquity. Page 8: "Worldwide > In the entire world", Just cause you want a brochure to be short doesn't mean you shouldn't spend the wordcount where it counts; "specialist traders who supply osmium exclusively with a certificate of authenticity, issued by the" CHANGED TO specialist traders, who supply osmium exclusively with a certificate of authenticity issued by the", easier reading. "letter-number code; the Osmium Identification Code. > letter-number code; namely the Osmium Identification Code." Cosmetic upgrade. "harmful osmium sponge > harmful toxic osmium sponge", In this case, you *really* wanna emphasize *why* it's harmful. I've had people mention i shouldn't bring up the toxicity on the webshop, but i've explained to them: People look for Osmium, they'll find Osmium - the toxic kind. If you cannot hide it, pre-empt it. Let them know the base metal is toxic, so you can immediately assure them the crystal version *is* safe. When *their* friends then inevitably brings up the toxicity of the base metal (cause anybody can google, but no one ever gets the full story) - they will advertise safety for you. "since 2014 > since 2014, a form in which it is even less reactive then gold" WHY would you first mention it's harmful then forget to mention the crystal version is so safe it's less reactive then gold xD. Also notice the *lack* of a contraction this time, that's because you want to emphasize the safety, and "it is good" puts more emphasis on "is good" then "it's good" does. "Osmium is the substitute for gold and silver in the investment market: > Osmium is the perfect addition to gold and silver in the investment market:", Obvious change cause there's no way in hell Osmium can substitute silver and gold, its rarity works against it. You wanna market this as "the step above gold". Silver's the poor man's gold, Osmium's the rich man's gold. "Not replaceable> Non-replaceable", more modern english. "… Available in the form of divisible bars" - Now i'm not gonna change this. But reading this, people are going to have the impression the bars are easily divisible, and they most certainly are not. Yes they can be sawed, but THAT has to be done by a specialist. Ye ol' investor is not gonna divide a thing, especially not if it requires a highly specialist saw otherwise you lose far too much valuable material. Feel free to tell me how Lynne in a northern irish town of 2000 is gonna divide this, and you have to assume no shipping, because everything that has to be shipped back to a central point to be divided, isn't divisable. Not according to what people understand when you tell them "divisable". Nobody ever says a silver coin is divisable, yet you can easily cut one in half with a pair of scissors without loss of material - which already beats the divisability of Osmium. Just saying that might not be the advertising point you're looking for. "Presumably even more valuable in times of crisis than today" Why is this even on there? lol. Great way to advertise. First we have to have a crisis, and THEN it MIGHT get more valuable? CHANGED INTO "Only to become more valuable with time due to its extreme rarity" "The new asset class > The New Precious Metal", it's not a new asset class it's a precious metal. And you should mention it because "a NEW precious metal" widens eyes, since that doesn't happen quite often. Once every 5000 years by my count. Page 9: "Noble metal > Precious metal", in dutch and german it's noble metals (edelmetalen) but the english market is used to precious metals. "Only approximately one ounce of osmium is contained in 10,000 tons of platinum ore" CHANGED INTO "10,000 tonnes of platinum ore need to be mined to obtain around a single ounce of Osmium.", Lead with the big number to grab attention, "need to be mined" isn't a lie and necessity indicates absoluteism, "only approximately" is very bad english and "approximately" can be surmised into "around", where it's less threatening and draws less attention as that is not the point you're trying to make. "single" carries more weight in terms of rarity then "one", as one elephant is still one big animal, but a single elephant is few compared to alot of elephants. Ending the sentence on osmium also emphasises the osmium - the stuff you want to get (obvious, but cues like that reinforce it). "Also, the separation of these metals is complicated and expensive > The separation of Osmium from Platinum is also complicated and expensive", easier reading. "However, reliable and accurate information on this is not available for osmium." CHANGED INTO "However, accurate information on this usage is not available.", reliable and accurate is redundant, non-accurate information cannot be reliable. "for osmium" isn't needed as you're already talking about osmium usage and is redundant again, and "this usage" nicely refers to the previous sentence's "used". "An example for clarification: > To give a few examples of its rarity:", you're not giving 1 example but 3, there's nothing to clarify as you haven't confused the rarity, you're just trying to emphasize it. "Obtaining one ounce of osmium requires 250 completely filled 40-ton trucks of platinum ore." CHANGED INTO "To transport 10,000 ore of platnum requires 25 completely filled 400-ton Caterpillar 797 trucks, the largest mining truck costing ~$5 million each.", The first line tells me nothing other then you've taken 10,000 tonnes and divided it by 40. The second line tells me that it's going to cost me $125 million to transport an ounce of this stuff. "This ounce > One ounce", since the last sentence changed; "osmium are available >osmium IS available", that's just a bad mistake. PAGE 10: "Capacity > Rarity", If you're taking about mining capacity, you need to mention that. What capacity for what? "due to the currently very active mining. > to currently high mining activity", C'mon now a proofreader should've picked his out. Had a hell of a time transforming that sentence while keeping the words, just so Ingo knows. "There are less > There is less", again. You can tell it's written by a german who speaks english. If he was native english once he's dipped into the bradwurst one too many time since. "In terms of volume, gold is thus contained in the continental crust 1,500 times more often than osmium." CHANGED INTO "In terms of volume, gold is thus 1,500 times more prevalent in the earths crust than osmium.", because... well english. "Gold just won't run out. Osmium will! And soon..." CHANGED INTO "Gold won't run out any time soon. Osmium will!", Aside from again "just won't" is bad/popular english, it's a lie, because gold will definitely run out. Just not as fast as Osmium. (Edit: Came back doing a picture/formatting run. Deleting the eifel tower picture. It's too small for any meaningful comparison and the point is clear by now. The crystal picture is far more eyecatching, it fixes the formatting on the page to look good, and it's just the right call to make. As my father says (who's written many stories himself): "Writing is removing"). (EDIT2: THIS IS WHAT I MEAN ABOUT CONSISTENCY!!! I had *accidentaly* forgotten to change the line in the document, after changing it here in the changelog. So i saw the old line (and soon...) on the formatting run, and i'd *forgotten* i didn't change it. So i look at it, think "...did i write that? i can do better then that" and changed it again. You know what i changed it into the 2nd time? EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE ABOVE CHANGE! I'm typing this now after i fixed the document, then went back to update the changelog, and saw i already changed it to the new situation before. So not only did i detect the mistake, i detected the mistake even after i thought i'd fixed the mistake, even before reading it through for a 2nd draft. THAT is how you fucking write. Not this GARBAGE translation (on page 38 now btw, it only gets worse.)) PAGE 11: "Osmium on the fast track! > Osmium is on the fast track!", Personal preference really, but since i'm rewriting the whole thing might as well make it consistent. "The shortage, use, and rarity speak clearly for the element." CHANGED INTO: "The shortage, usage, and rarity of osmium speak for themselves.", Confidence people! Confidence! "Osmium is the generation metal > Osmium is the next generation’s metal" Yes und das ist very generational, ja. (edit: came back after it being explained pages and pages later. You can't just make a statement like this out of context before you explain what it means. Thats when you get my initial impression: i, and everybody else who's read that for the first time, thought it was just poorly translated - which reflects badly on you, and they won't keep reading until they hit the explanation). "jewellers and jewellery > jewelers and jewelry", look i'm fine with either spelling but.. Consistency (note: It says "Jewelers" IN THE VERY NEXT SENTENCE omg). "fulfil > fulfill", changed to US spelling from UK/Australian spelling, since the NA market is bigger, and it's consistent with how i write. "stored in a safe location. > used as value storage in a secured location.", Emphasizes the value storage aspect. "Either way, osmium is usually not returned to the commodity market as it cannot merely be melted down like gold or silver" CHANGED INTO "Either way, osmium is rarely returned to the open market as it cannot be melted down like gold or silver.", makes more sense (and what's the "merely" doing in there?). "during recycling >, destroying 80% of its value.", added that great little fact i remember from the meeting in there. "great expense" could imply it's just a manner of cost and as the value of the material goes up, recycling becomes possible. If it's a percentage, it scales, making it never cost effective and never is a very long time as Rick Rule likes to say (CEO of US Sprott holdings). Naturally, if this isn't true, please change it back. PAGE 12: "as a shortage or the search for new deposits, > as a shortage during the search for new deposits," simple change, makes much more sense; "as a non-availability > as a non-availabe asset", makes alot more sense. "including supply and demand > the main factor being supply and demand", again, emphasis on the rarity, the rest comes after. Humans really need repitition, trust me; "also factors > also additional factors", as they are >in addition< to the rarity, emphasizing the rarity again without mentioning it - this is how you make information stick without making the text cumbersome or repetative to read. "stocks > above ground stocks", more common to refer to it that way within the bullion industry. "This trend could cause a unique situation on the market if we reach the point of non-availability." CHANGED INTO "This trend will cause a unique situation on the market when we reach the point of non-availability.", cause that's gonna happen regardless since Platinum has industrial uses and when the platinum is gone from the ground, the Osmium is too. Might be a long time but it's enough of an explanation to state certainty if anybody asks. Secondly - i stand to make a shitton of money if i FOMO this out of existance so that's exactly what i intend to do xD CONFIDENCE, people! Confidence! "This is likely but it is difficult to predict in terms of time. " CHANGED INTO "This highly likely to happen but it is difficult to time when it will.", "timing something" is shorthand, which gives more room for repetition or explanation. Prediction always involves an element of time anyway, people just need to know you're not talking about say, supply. "when it will" makes it clearer for people as you're specifying a point in time that hasn't happened yet, rather then an abstract "whenever". "to be considered > involved", cosmetic change which reads nicer. "It is called the Osmium Big Bang! > it is called:", Cliffhanger since the title of the next page is the same as the rest of the sentence. Imagine people reading this page after page, they're 12 pages in, now you need to entice them to turn the next page (especially if it's a physical brochure). An cliffhanger every so often keeps things spicy. PAGE 13: "No more significant mining in platinum mines." CHANGED INTO "A significant reduction in mining of platinum mines.", things never run out they just become cost-prohibative. Once mining platinum becomes cost prohibative, mining Osmium stops too. Wording it this way tells investors it can happen multiple times: Shale got started when using oil became too cost-prohibitive for applications, even though there was still plenty in the ground. Traders like volatility, while it doesn't affect the increase in price over longer periods of time. "No" is absolute. "Decreasing concentration of osmium in extracted platinum > Decreasing concentrations of osmium in extracted platinum ore" Well i suppose you gotta get the platinum out of the ore first to get the osmium out of the platinum. But it makes more sense this way. "Only small amounts of crystalline osmium still available." CHANGED INTO: "A reduction of crystalline osmium still available.", Again it's less finite and not less true. Temporary reductions in supply prices cloud explode FOMO and massive demand, making future production much more expensive even if the material is still available afterwards. All assets have supply issues - it's just a question if that sets the big bang off or not. "and extreme prices for recycling > and extreme prices", Repetition, not redundancy. "Once all these conditions are met, the shortage reaches its peak." CHANGED INTO "Once the right conditions are met the shortage reaches its peak and the price will explode.", again, MUCH less finite, and not less true. ALL trade is human. If humans don't want it, the cats aren't gonna buy your osmium. The price explosion comes long before the stuff runs out. So far i've ran circles around every economics "expert" i've met and these could use a lesson or two. "Based on the osmium price in 2018, osmium worth over 45 billion euros will have to be invested in or sold on the world market in order for the mineable osmium to be on the market.",......what? I'm just gonna delete this because i have no idea which fact it's supposed to convey, and i'm trying real hard. I do know that when you're hyping up a price explosion it's really pointless to talk about 3 year old prices. Another lesson in marketing: Don't mention what you don't have to because it's easy to overload people with useless information (it may not sound useless to you, but you have to look at it from a fresh customer's perspective, they don't need to know *everything* right off the bat, and you already do). "This is another reason > This is the reason", makes much more sense then stating "the generational metal" early on and never explaining a thing about it. Remember that i'm actually reading this document for the first time as i'm translating it, so my look on it is still fresh while you've probably seen this many many times. Especially since the next sentence then says: the “next generation metal”. I mean, c'mon now. Trying to lead me on here? Atleast now it refers to something. "five to ten years >, but there is no telling when demand overwhelms supply." Added a lil FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Again, advertising :D "will be approaching faster > will approach faster", shorthand and not less descriptive. PAGE 14: "the continuous manufacturing in future jewelry production > of future jewelry", English and redundancy. "because osmium cannot be crystallized and cut at any rate > because the osmium will not be able to be crystallized and cut at a fast enough rate.", They demand too much your saw breaks or something? "The development for osmium pearls is particularly exciting, as the reject rates in production increase with increasing production quantities." CHANGED INTO "The development for osmium pearls is particularly restrictive to supply, as the rejection rates in production increase with increased production quantities.", REDUCTIONS IN YIELDS ARE NOT EXCITING! jesus christ. It is unfortunate, but it just happens to be good for the rarity aspect. ADDED PARAGRAPH: "All of this is irrespective of developments in the overall economy such as expectations of inflation or a desire for the safety of precious metals. These developments are sure to drive demand, maybe to the point of causing The Osmium Big Bang ahead of schedule.", All very true and it helps to put demand into perspective outside of pure the metal. Maybe people in general aren't looking at precious metals right now, i assure you, we're months away. "being available for retail. > being available.", Yeah no i don't think the jewellers are going to have any supply either if Warren Buffett calls you up. "Extreme price developments can occur > Extreme price developments are only a matter of time", CONFIDENCE, PEEPLE! CON-FI-DENCE! PAGE 15: "Osmium is superlative with unique characteristics > Osmium is laden with unique characteristics", From the cambridge dictionary: "the form of an adjective or adverb that expresses that the thing or person being described has more of the particular quality than anything or anyone else of the same type: "Richest" is the superlative of "rich".", Ysee the difference between me and other people is, when i encounter a word i don't *fully* understand, i look it up, and yes that happens on a regular basis. "Is Superlative with" makes absolutely no sense. And it's a title no less! "Besides the myth surrounding it > Besides its mythical rarity," Institute that promotes only science and no wishy washy stuff, eh? "most durable nail file from it> ; And the most expensive", True, and advertising piiple! advertising! "Furthermore, it has the highest density of all elements and compounds in chemistry." CHANGED INTO "Furthermore, it has the highest density of all non-radioactive elements and compounds in chemistry.", cause the other ones a lie. "bluish-whitish luster" I'm leaving that in but i'm mentioning it here because sometimes, using a word people don't understand makes them more succeptible to other information they might not understand, as long as the context around that word is clearly explained: They already know it's shiny, so they figure luster has something to do with shiny, and cause they figure something they feel smart - and they'll skip over a couple of wrong conclusions they make along the way, which would raise (unnecessary) questions, which drop them out of the immersion. "it provides special shielding against gamma radiation and is a superconductor at low temperatures." CHANGED INTO: "It even has industrial applications, as it provides special shielding against gamma radiation and is a superconductor at low temperatures. Unfortunately its rarity precludes mass production of any kind until we find a large extra-terrestial source.", That takes care of both questions i've heard the most while recruiting my people: Does it have industrial applications, and what would those applications be, and what are the problems with it. The last part of the sentence leaves the door open to additional future supply so people don't draw the conclusion "Well what's the point if this stuff's so rare it's gonna be gone soon?". "if only there were more of it available > if only there was more of it available.", updated to modern english. PAGE 16: "it will probably be > it will be", DON'T be afraid to make a statement you're sure of. *IT DOES NOT INSPIRE CONFIDENCE IF YOU HEDGE LITERALLY EVERY BET*. IF it IS the new gold and silver, it does well in crisis. If it isn't, it might not. If you add probability into THE SAME SENTENCE as you stated that "Osmium IS the new gold and silver", you just look stupid. Also, "is already > already is" "when in star rows > When in the form of star rows" Gonna be hard to divide if it needs a couple of suns lining up to do it. "small > smaller" and "SplitBars > Splitbars" and "should become > becomes". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ UPDATE: I came back here after reaching Page 32 and the SplitBars. I'm dropping the second B cause it's stupid, HOWEVER! Since the document mentions "gold splitbars have been used for several years" and i've literally never heard of them, i googled for them. Not a single one pops up. Infact, if i google for "Buy Gold Splitbars" it asks if i meant "split bars" and gives NO results relating to bullion.... .. But Osmium star rows are at the top of the page. "Splitbars" is UNIQUE in the bullion space. It's a completely unique search term, not associated with any major product at this time! >>>THIS IS HUGE<< in opportunities", stating the obvious. "Resale without a spread in international markets should be strived for.", OK, so, that's not an opportunity, that's advice, and it clearly comes from a place of you trying to pump this asset. I know that's the whole point, but you're talking about "owners" in the headline above. If you mean "resellers" or "partners" it's different, but so far the document only talks about investors and jewelers, so those are the people you're talking to in this context. The KEY cornerstone of manipulation is "the subject must not become aware that they are being manipulated", and as much as i HATE it, sales does require a bit of it, cause trust me i've tried pure kindness it doesn't work. Let me state this VERY CLEARLY: The ONLY way to do that ethically is to give that control to the market and let the asset speak for itself. You're *already* on thin ice with a monopoly. It may be justifiable (and i wouldn't be onboard if it wasn't) but it does mean you have to be VERY CAREFUL NOT TO STEP OVER THE LINE. I'm deleting that entire sentence because if i don't we are no better then Bitcoin HODLers. Nobody sell and it'll go up forever. "explained below > explained later on", as it's not explained *directly* below or the next page. "Extreme value density, low storage volumes. > Highest possible value compression of all precious metals.", MUCH more interesting for investors. Says the same but it's just "speaking the language". The jewelers mainly care whether it's pretty or not and easy to work with. "You can enter > After purchase You can enter", You haven't even explained the code yet much less convinced people to buy and you're already telling people where to check it? leaving it in now until i read the identification section, if i find a good spot to place it i'll put it there instead. Consider this "There's a time and place for everything". PAGE 17: "Discoverer > The Discoverer of Osmium." C'mon now put a bit of work in the titles please. People actually look at headings much more then the rest of the text yknow, that's why they're there. And bolded. "Picture: Smithson Tennant (1761 - 1815)" moved to below the picture (and changed because of damned formatting). PAGE 18: "Osmium is roughly 1,000 times rarer than diamonds and used in the most spectacular jewelry pieces and most exclusive wristwatches." SPLIT INTO 2 POINTS: "Osmium is currently roughly 1,000 times rarer than diamonds, a ratio increasing yearly due to improvements in the production of artificial diamonds.", cause that's a true and very tasty fact. "Osmium’s already used in the most spectacular jewelry pieces and only the most exclusive of wristwatches.", padded it out a bit to make it a full point. (and there was space on the page for one more anyway). "it is > it's", contraction for reading ease; "It’s available > It’s already available", emphasizes the *current* availability, which would be important for people to know. If they can already buy it, others can already buy it. "will change it > will increase demand", Investors HATE change. Especially if it entails a straight line going up. But more demand is ^_^ PAGE 19: "A light bulb from these days > One of these early light bulbs", worded awkwardly, implies the current day. "and got hence > and therefor", less awkward wording, again. "Superstar > Emperor" Set-up for later. Gold is the current King of value. What's higher then a king? Not a superstar. "action > influence", better wording. "discovered, which > discovered which", Removal of comma as it makes it seems platinum wasn't discovered until 4 centuries ago and the sentence is short enough (from wikipedia: Archaeologists have discovered traces of platinum in the gold used in ancient Egyptian burials as early as 1200 BC - impressive considering the stuff doesn't melt until 1768C (hahah)). PAGE 20: "Since 2014, osmium is available at > From 2014 onward Cystalline osmium became available from", Again, not selling the base metal, it's past tense, the stuff comes from the institute not available at people don't have to go there, and i changed the wording to be less repetative. "as it can now be used in its crystallized form. > as osmium can be used in its crystallized form.", again, past tense, it could be used in that form since 2014, and it's still redundant (not telling anything people don't already know at this point) but fine. Atleast now it references the Osmium in the next sentence, as "it" refered to osmium the institute doesn't supply. "Thus, it can be used as a asset or jewelry metal in the market." CHANGED INTO "Thus, it can be used as a value storage asset or jewelry metal in the market.", again advertising, telling investors and rich people what they want to hear. "Non-crystalline osmium is harmful to health > The base metal is highly toxic to humans", Since it was already pre-empted, it's fine mentioning it again, though i really feel this part is a little bit redundant in its entirety. Then again, i need less repitition, so i'm not removing anything just rewording it. "for this reason > because of this", More commonly used language in the english speaking world. "The precious metals became available from the right to the left, at intervals of several years." CHANGED INTO "The precious metals in the above periodic table became available from right to left, at intervals of many centuries.", SO: If you don't point out what you're referencing, "right to left" makes no sense. Also, "several years" implies 3-4-5 years. Not MILLENIA. "Osmium is currently not at this stage yet, but its key properties open perspectives." I'm not sure how to deal with this since Ingo was very adamant about it not being a currency in the meeting. But to give it a shot: CHANGED INTO: "It is possible that osmium comes to occupy an entirely new class of payment, situated above gold, due to its superior properties and rarity." PAGE 21: "before the year 2000" makes the whole paragraph weird, had to workshop it. CHANGED INTO: "Palladium and platinum have been brought into the financial markets only recently – The American mint only started selling Platinum Eagles in the year 1997. The metals have also been used for special pieces of jewelry, such as open platinum rings, which can hold a diamond without a setting between the two ends due to its increased hardness over gold.", Not sure if "hardness" is the right word, "less malleable" sounds weird. Sturdyness maybe? I'll leave hardness in for now but feel free to specify that better. "for special applications > outside of industry", because everything is always suitable for *special* applications. Deep space ship hull plating isn't exactly common either yknow. "Osmium should most likely be the next and last of the eight precious metals starting a positive price development.", ADVIRTZING, PEAPLE! BEDGING HETS! >SHOULD<, >MOST<, >LIKELY<. THREE; THREE HEDGED BETS AH AH AH. CHANGED INTO: "Osmium will be the next and last of the eight precious metals to experience a massive price explosion.", And i *underlined* will. Confidence, damn you. PAGE 22: Look, i'm just gonna say it, 22 pages in there's alot of double stuff and incredibly obvious statements in there. I've rewritten alot, but i'm getting close to the point of just deleting stuff outright cause it's just alot of padding that *just isn't required*. Example: "At its launch as crystalline osmium, it was still largely unknown.", So you're telling me it was unknown at launch? You know, that is generally how things tend to go. Very few things launch known. I would almost dare to say, None. It may seem i'm being facecious, but you have to understand: I say these things, others just think them and keep them to themselves. Those thoughts accumulate, and it is the accumulated feeling that makes people feel something was amazing or meh. Pass the threshold, and you've lost them when they'll put the brochure down and never pick it up again. It's one thing to be excited about something, but understand that people who've never heard of something, do not (yet) share that excitement. It has to be transferred first, and if that transfer is messed up on the first go around, you've lost them for a very long time, maybe forever. There's little that has to be mint right off the bat - but "the first impression" to the ignorant is unfortunately always brutal. Surive that hellfire, nail the transfer, and you get not just a customer but a walking advertisement. I'm deleting that entire sentence. "With the new perspective to obtain crystallized osmium, the demand for osmium is increasing." CHANGED INTO "With the ability to create crystallized osmium, the demand for osmium is increasing.", "perspective to obtain" refers to buyers, while this is the start of a timeline starting at the invention of the crystals, creation comes before trade. "no industrial applications. > no mass industrial applications.", clarification since the document itself mentions industrial applications, mass refers to the rarity element as a cause rather then toxicity. "That changed with the possibility of crystallization at the beginning of 2014." - DELETED, REDUNDANT. "The crystallization made osmium nontoxic by altering the atomic arrangement and opening new markets and areas of application." CHANGED INTO "The crystallization process invented in 2014 made osmium nontoxic by altering the atomic arrangement and opening new markets and areas of application.", Still a little bit redundant, but because "altering the atomic arrangement" is new information, it becomes repetition and not repetative. "is comparable in its result with > is comparable with", Either the process is comparable to the end result, or the end result is comparable to the end result of the diamond process, which it isn't cause that creates Carbon diamonds, not osmium diamonds. The process is comparable to growing diamonds, because of the referenced high temperatures and pressures. "At that time > at the time", more common english; "is currently changing > is rapidly changing", basically same meaning but implies a time constraint to get in on the asset. Besides what i hear from you guys about the growth in the german speaking countries, this isn't untrue either. Especially when it comes to knowledge moreso then investment. "Even without the assumption of the Osmium Big Bang happening, osmium is a serious and very exciting precious metal." CHANGED INTO: "Even without the Osmium Big Bang happening, osmium is still a serious and very exciting investment that is sure to do well!", OK so, hedging bets - And more importantly; If you've got an ENTIRE CHAPTER about this "osmium big bang", you don't later go around calling it a "assumption". DO YOU BELIEVE IN THIS PRODUCT OR NOT?! No, it'll happen. It's gonna happen. You're gonna MAKE it happen! ARE. YOU. WITH. ME! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF (think Arsinio hall. It's an old reference, but it checks out). Seriously though, Advertising. Talk up the asset. "Even without a price explosion it'll still slide up", but nicer. PAGE 23: "Osmium, a fascinating precious metal and a new asset class!", removed 2nd Comma, wasn't needed and you want people to get into the chapter. "The price > The daily price", yeah you'd think that'd be redundant with the title above it, but this is pure experience. Text reads nicer if you "roll into it", have a running start if you will. We consider titles separate, a status announcement, so rather then putting a reference in the first sentence of a body; "Not making readers think about a separate event in a reference" is good practice, as they have to recall a closed off thought, which takes longer, which makes the text more cumbersome to read. "The data > This data", and paragraphed the sentences. Again, nobody likes padding on a 71 page document. "The stocking of osmium is only possible to a limited extent since the quantities required for crystallization are even lower than the occurrence of osmium itself." DELETED - REDUNDANT! (and stupid). You're telling people the crystal is more rare then the base form cause it requires less osmium to produce crystal then osmium is available in the crust. No that's not a mistake, that's what it says. It's a really cumbersome (and wrong) way of saying "the process uses up more osmium then is put in", which is generally an assumption for pretty much everything that uses a raw base resource. You don't get 1:1 iron out of iron ore either. The whole tree is used for product, but not all of it for lumber (pulp, mulch). So it's redundant padding and it's gotta go. PAGE 24: "the specified electronic > the digitally verifiable", redundant and you haven't specified anything yet. Nor can you "hand over" a electronic document. You Send it. You're talking about the PHYSICAL cards that come with the product packaging that you showed me on cam. You know this, i know this, the reader doesn't know this cause they've never seen one yet and the explanation section comes later. This is literally the first time the reader learns it's 8 digits to begin with. "Compromising > containing", as the text doesn't reference multiple documents, only the code; "letter-number code > that comes with each purchase", added for clarification. "enter the code > the code can be verified", WHEN making a purchase, enter the code. "In the future, do something now". "or inquire an > or via inquiry at an", "Hello? May i inquire if you are, indeed, an institute? yes? Excellent, good day.". "and compare > by comparing", Again - future tense, present tense. "with the real piece > with the pictures on file", i mean.... You don't want to compare the piece corresponding to the foto with the real piece. You kind of want it to *be* the real piece, yknow? "always unambiguous. >, due to the crystalline structure of each piece being unique to that piece and that piece alone.", GREAT place to add and emphasize that feature! "a new certificate > If a certificate is damaged or lost, a new certificate", great that you can print a new one out, but when would you even need to do that? "However, during the storage of osmium, the code should be kept separate from the physical osmium to impede theft and retain evidence of possession or ownership." CHANGED INTO "However, while the crystals or jewelry are stored, it is advised to keep the code separate from the physical osmium. This impedes theft; Even while the the crystals are on display or worn, as any potential buyer from the thieves would immediately recognise the piece as stolen without the certificates to transfer ownership.", Completely true, makes the asset alot more attractive (jewelry isn't any good in a vault, and taking away worries of wearing such expensive material certainly is), and makes alot more sense then what was written before: If you impede theft you retain ownership by default so that's redundant, evidence of possession is doubly redundant because it's pretty conclusive if the stuff was never stolen, then "or ownership" is triple redundant, as it means the same as "posession" or "an unstolen object". I mean, it is some sort of next level, that's for sure... "Osmium can be stored; however, most owners tend to keep osmium in their own homes for ease of access.", ALRIGHT So THIS is what i mean by "obvious shit that isn't necessary". "Osmium can be stored". REALLY? MY GOD! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT! (that's a simpsons meme btw). Point is other people are going to roll their eyes and put the brochure down. If investors are rich, unless they inherited it or got lucky, they got rich by being smarter then the rest (like you in a year or two!). Probably while working hard for it too. They don't like to be patronised. And "feeling the need to tell them everything" is patronising. Letting people arrive at their own conclusions makes them feel smart (even if they aren't and you held their hand the entire way) and leads to a far more positive customer experience. CHANGED INTO: "Most owners tend to keep their crystalized osmium at home for ease of access. The unique verification mechanism, being able to store the verification separate from the piece, helps do this securely.", This isn't condescening or patronizing, it again emphasizes the LITERAL MAJOR FEATURE of the damn crystals when it comes to security and verification (that wasn't in until now mind you), repeating it without being repetative so it sticks, AND it helps take away worries people might have storing something that might be worth millions soon in a small safe compared to offsite storage. "Among jewelers, osmium diamonds and osmium stars are very popular." DELETED - SERVES NO PURPOSE. Diamonds are popular with jewelers. You don't say. Also deleting that moves the picture on the next page to the top, which is a nice bonus. Pretty girl ontop of the page always does well (I'M SORRY HUMANS ARE BASIC I'M A SPECIALIST I HATE HOW MUCH I KNOW THAT). PAGE 25: Picture doesn't have citation, a bit strange since all others do, but nothing i can do about that. I've used the space instead to fit "demand drivers for Osmium" in there and clean the formatting up a bit. (EDIT: Picture run! I'm just deleting the whole thing, because she's staring into my soul, and the picture's about the Model, not the Asset. If it's not ABOUT the asset, it DETRACTS from the asset). "The following are specific drivers accelerating demand:" - DELETED, combined with the title to save space for formatting. "Demand drivers for osmium > Current demand drivers for osmium". And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you compress an entirely unnecessary sentence into a single word. Again. Nobody wants padding in 71 pages of info. "leaves the use still > leaves potential usecases open" Ah yes, The Use. Friend of The Gay, i hear. "With the special microstructure of a sphere > With a special spherical microstructure", sounds far more technical and mysterious. SPHERICAL microstructure oooooohhhhh . "The objective is to identify osmium locally. > The objective is to promote osmium locally on all continents." Gonna hire a bunch of detectives are ya? The addition eludes to the potential market of the stuff: the entire world. Local in a vacuum sounds.. well, small. (EDIT: Padding out the page a bit because the picture got deleted). PAGE 26: ENTIRELY NEW PAGE! I'm adding a page about Value Compression. It's not mentioned so far in the document and it's the thing that will interest the mega-wealthy the most. By value compression i mean the ability to store a warehouse of bills in a gold bar, and a warehouse of gold bars in a single osmium disk - something that wasn't available before. This is a good place to put it - behind price explanations and projections (as it WILL become the new step above gold, but not yet), but before the "traders" section where people learn where they can find the stuff. If it WILL be the new value storage for the mega wealthy, but isn't yet, then anybody will half a brain will reach the conclusion if they can invest now - they could *become* the mega wealthy. That'll drive people both towards partnership and willingness to invest. NOTE: From this point onward the "PAGE" count describes the pagecount in the new document. The old document will be "PAGE -1". PAGE 27: "Get to know the Osmium-Institutes and find out more about them > More information about the various Osmium-Institutes can be found out at:", This one's a bit hard to explain, but if you're excited about the wrong thing at the wrong time, it diminishes the excitement for the right things at the right time. Think of Californians who call literally everything "awesome" - what are they gonna call something actually awesome? Reading about a bunch of institutes isn't exciting. I'm sorry, i know it is to you guys and the "hardcore fans" but lets be pragmatic here: What the people reading this are going to care about is Money. The rest is Extra. The fanbase will come by itself after the mass adoption of an amazing product ^_^ "and classroom > and as classroom", Cosmetic upgrade. "traders register > traders can register", Cosmetic upgrade. "for access > for entry", same thing, only with "access" i'd have to add what access refers to for easy reading, while "entry" has that contained within the word: You can access many things, but you can only enter so many. PAGE 28: "Photo > Picture", Consistency with the rest; "Broadcaster > IP-TV Channel", "broadcaster" isn't a job or company description, but a general term. The site markets itself as "Largest IP-TV channel for Mining & Commodities", so that's why. "“Invest” trade fair", It's weird "invest" AND the german name are in quotes. What's the name here? What's the show called, "invest" or "commodity night"? Leaving this for you guys to fix cause i'm lost. "You are welcome to attend events to gather knowledge", perfect example of germanizing english and being rude without realizing it. "You are welcome to attend" *at the top* of a form, the very first thing they read under a new header, sounds patronizing, even when it's not meant to. "being welcome to" is to be invited to, we all know this, but if you don't use a contraction - You are instead of you're - You're sounding authoratative without meaning to (see how that works to soften the blow?). Let me hammer the point home excessively to make it more clear: YOU! YOU THERE! HEY YOU! YEA, YOU OVER THERE! COME HERE! C'MON! YOU ARE INVITED! HEY!. Granted, i react heavily to ALL forms of being told what to do and am a total perfectionist xD But goes to the accumulation of negative feelings i mentioned earlier. CHANGED INTO: "You're" and added an exclamation point for excitement, the events are supposed to be fun after all. Yes - that small a change can make all the difference. That's why english speakers use alot of contractions to begin with. And lets not start about the German hatred for breathing inbetween words... "At these events, the osmium market with its global security structures is explained. Participants will also learn more about the origin of the osmium, technical information, fascinating details and examples from the jewellery and watchmaking segment." OH GOD why start with the dry stuff first. Events are expensive to go to so it'd better be worth it. CHANGED INTO: "At these events, examples of jewelry and watchmaking are on display and participants can learn more about the origin of the element, technical information about crystalized osmium's security features and further facinating details about the metal and its future.", This is how you promote. You lead with the interesting bit - the fun, you add the security features onto the technical stuff because ONLY the nerds care about that (Customers learn about it once, say "oh that's cooL" and never think about it again until it comes up in conversation and they wanna show off what they know to their other basic friends). And future stuff is always cool. oooohhhhh fuuuuuutuuuuuure. PAGE 29: "in the following standard products > with the following specifications", No.1 rule of marketing don't mention what you can't back up, and we talked about standardization and the impossibility of it, so NO touching the word "standard" or anything close. Stuff is sold "according to spec" all the time. Besides i've seen so many "specified"s, yet the one time it's appropriate infront of a bunch of technical specifications, it's nowhere to be found. irony. DON'T WORRY I DIDN'T TOUCH AS MUCH AS A COMMA OF THE SPECIFICATIONS THEMSELVES. (edit: Picture run! That picture of Ingo's friend is NOT flattering! She looks stupid, and the pearl is WAY WAY off centre. This picture is NOT about the product, it's about Ingo's friend, and it shows. Don't think others don't notice either Fixing the formatting but it really needs to be redone). PAGE 31: (Edit: Picture run, adding picture subtext, and pointing out OSMIUM OCCUPIES ~15% OF THE PICTURE'S SPACE AND THE HUMAN FACE IS 50%!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND FACES! It's *really* awkward). "are the largest geometries > are the largest geometry", you're talking about the disk shape as a geometric shape, of which there is only one. Are is still correct because "disks" as objects is plural. "Especially jewelers arrange cutting > Jewelers can arrange for the cutting of specific osmium forms as desired by the customer.", just makes a ton more sense. You got any ideas for *anybody else* who can cut Osmium for that especially to make sense? And the rest of the sentence just needs more words. ELEGANCE >>> WORDCOUNT. "A typical example is the cutting into diamonds and stars > A typical example is the cutting of the disks into diamonds and stars" cutting into stars huh? Better add a "of the disks" in there. If that doesn't happen to the disks, then why mention it in the disks section? PAGE 32: "Osmium-Institutes > The Osmium-Institutes"; "that can cut > that cut"; "arrange > can arrange", again - Elegance above all. "After successful cutting > After successfully cut", makes more sense because the sentence continues with "the resulting shapes", so you're talking about the shapes, and the shapes do not do the cutting themselves. PAGE 33: (edit: Picture run! Removing the subtext because "picture: osmium" us stupid. No it's a woman with glitter glued to her head that happens to be THOUSANDS worth of metal. Look at the picture. Your asset occupies 1% of the pixel count. Think that's smart? Think that's representative of your product, when you hide it like that?) "This is how new osmium objects are created" CHANGED INTO "How new osmium objects are created", If it concerns titles, the shorter the better, unless it's necessary to be descriptive. Also since titles are statements not body text they are read differently and should be treated differently. "Jewelers use these two shapes for jewelry making in the same way as otherwise carbon-based diamonds." CHANGED INTO "Jewelers use these two shapes for making jewelry in the same way as carbon-based diamonds.", It's either Jewelrymaking or making jewelry, and i think the latter's the safest option. Otherwise can be removed, it's redundant, carbon diamonds are already not osmium diamonds. PAGE 34: NOTE: I'm gonna start treating the osmium star rows as "They are Osmium Star Rows, Branded Osmium Splitbars™", because the marketing value is huge. NOTE THAT THIS NAME CAN EASILY BE CHANGED AT ANY TIME WITH THE REPLACE ALL FUNCTION! (i've considered "splitstars", but there's already a manufacturer called that, so it's not unique. People will understand why they're not actual bars (don't wanna snap crystals on a large edge)). TITLE CHANGE: "Star rows, the “Osmium Splitbars™” MAJOR CHANGE: I'm rewriting this entire page. Not so much because of possible branding, but it doesn't make sense compared to the rest of the document. The "conclusion" it builds up to is: "osmium star-rows can be broken into individual stars as an alternative. [to 1g gold bars]", and that's *simply not true*. You cannot market osmium star rows as an alternative to ONE GRAM BARS! Not when all pages up to this point have been hammering how *how much rarer then gold it is*. Calculations: Gold is ~$1900 an ounce now (31,103g) makes it $61.08 a gram - already a full cart of groceries - and my entire research of this year is about gold being extremely undervalued at this point and it's supposed to be 10 times more expensive. Osmium is 1000 times more rare. Which makes it worth $61,087 TODAY, based on rarity alone. With *no demand at all*. *and a -10x gold price* That i can secure supply for $1400 a gram today IS EXACTLY WHY IM WORKING FOR YOU GUYS NOW. The current price is wrong, not the future price. There is no way in hell anybody on this planet will spend as much as a milligram of Osmium on groceries. Instead, i've rewritten the page to reflect bigger purchases, adding in the example of 500 ounces for a family home in times of crisis, which works out to about 1,25 grams of osmium at 12400 times rarity (gold times 1000, ~12.4 times silver above gold in the crust). PAGE 35: "Picture: Sitting cat as osmium flat shape" CHANGED INTO "Picture: Flat osmium shaped as a sitting cat.", A cat covered in glitter sitting on a couch photographed from the side is a "Sitting cat as osmium flat shape" "Osmium is classically sold in flat geometries > Osmium is usually sold in flat geometries", Nothing classic about an asset that is barely older then a todler. "elements in round and star shape > which come in round and star shapes". Ah yes. Element in round shape. Does well in Mother Russia. "They result in almost no geometric material loss, as they are the perfect geometric inverse of each other." CHANGED INTO "They result in almost no material loss, as they are the perfect geometric inverse of eachother.", removed redundancy not to mention "geometric material loss" is not a sentence. Also added a commonly used contraction. "greater geometric material loss. > greater material loss." Again, "geometric material loss" means nothing in english. Nobody talks like this. I've never heard this sentence. (SON OF A BITCH i misunderstood the text itself because of the poor wording now i gotta reword the rewording of 3 paragraphs. This crap fooled even me! But i'm not afraid to admit mistakes. Deleted, and started again). "The pieces representing material loss are still high-purity crystalline osmium" CHANGED INTO: "The excess material left over from cutting is still high-purity crystalline osmium", See - i thought "representing material loss" was just a bad translation of the bespoke pieces themselves, because NOBODY TALKS LIKE THIS! So i changed it to that, because i thought "pieces representing material loss" ment the splinters lost to the saw. Took me 3 paragraphs to realise no, it meant the "excess material" such as small cutouts. Which is how EVERYONE in the english speaking world talks about... well, excess material! Seriously if it gets even me, it's a poor translation at best. i translate for people with heavy accents for my family yknow. ", but with > , with", but is not needed behind a comma unless it serves a purpose and "still" pre-empts that purpose. "of course, as > of course as", excessive commas, lead to, what we call, start and stop reading. PAGE 36: "the processing of these pieces > the recycling of the excess material", again more common speech. These kind of things was why it took 3 paragraphs to realize my mistake. It's like it's translated by somebody who only learns the words at the back of the textbook and not the context itself. Everything's a piece. "as the osmium itself > as creating new crystalline osmium" No the process is not as expensive as the osmium itself which you bought at a mine. REFERENCES MATTER! "these pieces" refers to "representing material loss" which didn't make sense in the first place so what pieces? If you refer to "excess material" as "pieces" and the bespoke forms as "pieces" then which ones are the pieces of shit? This is what i mean by being too embedded, if you've read this a hundred times your mind already made the connections. You're following a walked path. Forgetting what you wrote is almost as important as getting it right the first time. "so that all cut shapes inevitably have a surcharge for cutting, manufacturing and material loss that is unavoidable and will not be avoidable in the future." CHANGED INTO "so all cut shapes inevitably have a surcharge for cutting, manufacturing and material loss. Regrettably this process cannot be further optimized", Not any less true if it's totally unavoidable, and it avoids (haha) the triple redundancy of "Inevitably", "unavoidable" and "not be avoidable", which are Synonims of eachother and thus count towards redundancy. Adding a "regrettably" earns you good will, because you tried, and failed, but not because of incompetence but because of perfection. "this osmium > excess osmium", again don't stack reference upon reference upon reference. People are forgetful. You go too deep, they lose the plot, get confused, and put the brochure down. "provide reimbursement for it. > provide reimbursement", it is understood you're talking about the excess material. Again stacking references like gold bugs stack gold. "cutting by means of EDM does not only result in a geometric material loss but the material sticking to the erosion wire will also be lost." CHANGED INTO "cutting by means of EDM results in both loss from excess material and material sticking to the erosion wire.", OK so not only is it a poor translation it's written by somebody who thinks he's alot smarter then he is. First off, he (or she) keeps using "geometric material loss" because it sounds smart not because it means anything. Then, when you're talking about material loss, it's understood that material sticking to the wire is a loss too. What is the plan otherwise? Peeling it off and supergluing it? Another rule in marketing: DO NOT TREAT YOUR CUSTOMERS LIKE CHILDREN, unless they are children". Stop patronising them. "in the calculation of the price for processing flat structures." CHANGED INTO "in the calculations for the price of processing flat structures.", THIS is smart translating. There is never one single calculation that determines price. There are always multiple factors. The base metal going up in price does not affect the material cost calculation, but it does affect the price calculation. So you calculate the expected cost of base material, you calculate the cost of production, and you add them together in the "calculations for the price". Which price? "of processing flat structures". Unless its magic and processing flat structures doesn't need the base metal anymore to begin with. Yeah you think it doesn't matter, but read both paragraphs in their original form back and forth side by side 10 times (yes 10 times to shake the embedding loose) and tell me which reads easier when the differences are pointed out. Welcome to my composition education where that happened continuously. Alot of fucks where said. Protip btw: If enter skips 2 lines, Shift+enter skips only 1. That's how you get the picture subtext to stick to the picture, you put the cursor behind it, hit delete, then shift+enter instead of enter. PAGE 37: "a flat design > the flat design", cosmetic upgrade, more common. "The jeweler then calculates material losses due to geometry and erosion wire" CHANGED INTO "The jeweler then calculates material losses due to geometry and erosion wire cutting", Ysee how a single word can change everything? Elegance > wordcount. One sounds spoken when your voice in your head reads it. The other sounds russian. Don't think so? Change "material losses" to "material loss" in your head. "be enquired > be obtained", trying to sound smart without being smart again. Though this could just be the difference between english natives and the more common modern american english. But hey, *I* know it's translated by a native who has lived in germany a little bit too long. Don't think a fresh customer who's never heard of you gives it the same consideration. "will remain and stabilize", another awkward sentence. "inside something something will remain" doesn't work. CHANGED INTO: "will continue to remain inside", just understand i can figure out a dozen different ways to reword this, so i'm just setting an example of "how to use will remain correctly" WITHIN *THIS* context. Context context context. Elegance > wordcount. " or specified via the Internet".............................................alright he can have a specified, leaving it in. "The price calculation usually requires two business days." WOW really? See interesting facts like that is why i offered to translate in the first place. Interesting. That's quite unusal in our just-in-time economy ^_^ woulda otherwise glossed over that 37 pages into a brochure. " of extraordinary beauty > with excessive sparkle.", adding a personalized touch ^_^ creative license, writers perogative! "However, these can only be used as sculptures and are rarely employed in jewelry manufacture." CHANGED INTO "However, these can only be used as sculptures and are rarely employed in the manufacture of jewelry.", I wanted to put these two sentences side by side for comparison. Cause right now. I'm extremely exhausted. My body hurts from hunched over typing for weeks, stomach and shoulders burning. My typing speed's 1/4th of normal. I brought another one into the fold, fought with my boss, talked for ~5 hours, ate dinner which still tires me out after 10 fucking months, and smoked literally more joints then i can count but my lungs tell me it's better that i lost count in the first place. I'm gonna plow another one in and sleep because i can only stare at the screen like some fucking zombie at this point. Played 1 videogame for 2 hours in 11 days now, my father's gonna freak when he hears and the stress is massive. It's 6:30 in the morning. At best, i'm running at 40% capacity right now. And even then i can still see the fucking difference in quality with that small a change, and it's something everybody even remotely fluent in english can come up with. So don't think the other retards don't notice these things. I'm gonna go pass out. PAGE 38: "Largest osmium crystal worldwide, approx. 40 g weight" CHANGED INTO: "Largest osmium crystal in the world, approx. 40 g in weight", yo yo yo this is Mr. Worldwide comin to you with weight! YOU KNOW WHAT at this point i'm going back through the entire document, and everytime it says "Picture", i'm gonna take it out, and *just properly format the text below the fucking picture*. Goes to condescending behaviour: YOU SEE THIS LINE RIGHT BELOW THE PICTURE?! ITS TALKING ABOUT THE PICTURE! THIS THING ABOVE ME! YOU SEE THAT? ITS A PICTURE! THIS IS WHAT ITS ABOUT! Not even gonna change the changelog because you're reading this for the first time now too just like i was reading the brochure for the first time (Hello There.), and if you wanna write, translate - and more importantly, sell - you need to be able to develop thoughts like this yourself even after reading something a million times. It's called critical thinking. If you at this point already had the thought "Well why say Picture then and not just leave that out cause it looks nicer" - Congratulations you're on the right track. If you didn't, i remain faster. I'm gonna fix the formatting too cause it's finally pissed me off enough, so rather then doing it at the end, i'll do the first half now, second half later. Text below pictures should be a smaller font. New chapters inside the document should be manually started on a new page with a manual ending on the last one, otherwise everytime you change something the ENTIRE document fucks up if you just enter it out like this retard did. I hate to admit it - but this is the first time my IT education's actually useful, because you people have no idea what you're doing. If there's one thing atleast they taught us - it was how to make a document (when they should be teaching Linux, trust me, i know). This document would've flunked out on an education that took an IQ of 80 to succeed in - the tested and admitted IQ of one of my classmates who would've never made these mistakes, and already had a good business before joining the education for the diploma. Adding this in here before i forget: YOU IDIOTS SELL OSMIUM IN FUCKING LETTERS! WHY IN THE EVERLIVING FUCK IS THE "OSMIUM" TITLE ON PAGE 4 NOT SPELLED OUT IN PHOTOGRAPHED REAL OSMIUM LETTERS BUT INSTEAD IN SHITTY, SHITTY, *S-H-I-T-T-Y* WORDART?! THIS IS YOUR MAAAIIINNNN SALES DOCUMENT! ITS THE FIRST THING NEW CUSTOMERS SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS ISN'T A GEOCITIES WEBSITE IN 2003! FOR THE EVERLOVING FUCK OF GOD! ARGH!~ Seriously it's stuff like that why i smoke weed. I genuinely need to knock off a few IQ points because this stuff *physically hurts* to think about, because i cannot comprehend the depths of stupidity behind that decision. I'm genuinely being offensive here, because it *genuinely* *hurts* me to think about it. Just like you can't ask a stupid person to run faster, you can't ask me to run slower, except at great distress. It's not just the stupid decision itself you see - it's the >spread< between the stupid decision and the really great possible one that makes it so godawful. It's completely asinine to offer something so rare as Osmium in letters and numbers. But if you already have them - it's even more asinine to not use them in your main sales eyecatcher, and it is beyond stupid to have the replacement be something that looks incredibly bad and made on a windows 95 machine. It's no wonder you guys have had trouble selling this. You've not been selling it. You've been roping its legs and holding it back. You haven't been selling Osmium. Osmium has been selling you, because it's that good. Had you guys put any other product on the market - you'd never gone anywhere. You've got no clue what you're doing, and it shows in every aspect of this brochure and the website, and its putting masses of people off when it should be making them excited. I can tell you right now - i'm going to get much more involved in the marketing materials, because you guys need it, and if i don't, it'll reflect poorly on me and my friends, and i'd rather quit then have that happen. Moving on with the fixing: "Must not be exceeded" underlined. Kind of important when you're talking about creating toxic vapors. Atleast i assume they're toxic. THE DOCUMENT DOESN'T SAY! KIND OF IMPORTANT, DON'T YOU THINK?!. Seriously, i don't know. Ask ingo, and if he says yes - ADD THAT IN THERE! "which is volatile and thus spreads over the air." CHANGED INTO "which spreads through the air.", because first off, nothing spreads "over" the air except a net deployed around the earth from space. But IF THESE VAPORS ARE TOXIC - change it to "Which are toxic and spread through the air". " If a pungent odor is noticed, the works need to be suspended and the workshop must be aired." CHANGED INTO "However, If a pungent odor is noticed, work need to be suspended immediately (underlined) and the workshop must be aired." WHY! WHY DO WORKS NEED TO BE SUSPENDED! THE DOCUMENT DOESN'T SAY! AM I GOING TO DIE AFTER GETTING EVEN A WHIFF OF THIS? DO I NEED TO WEAR A PROTECTIVE MASK?! WHAT ARE THE RISKS? I AINT TOUCHIN THIS STUFF! Please. If it's important. Spend the wordcount, direct attention, and DON'T BE AFRAID that just because your stuff needs to be handled properly, it'll put people off. You know what puts people off? Not being told exactly what danger they're walking in to. If they know, they'll take care, and there isn't a problem. Soldiers run into battle expecting to die. Punch them in the arm out of nowhere and they get mad. "Since an osmium diamond has a smooth bottom surface, it is generally much easier to set and process to jewelry." CHANGED INTO: Since an osmium diamond has a smooth bottom surface, generally it's much easier to set and process into jewelry." English motherfucker does he speak it?! PAGE 39: "Jewelers set osmium in ways similar to carbon-based diamonds" CHANGED INTO "Jewelers set osmium in similar ways to carbon-based diamonds" Feel free to read that 10 times and tell me which one reads nicer. NOTE: "volatilization" - Interesting word. Never seen it used like that before. Sounds like a name for a process. I can't do anything with it since i don't know, but stuff like that is facinating to highlight. Something as simple as "Osmium is then subjected to a process called Volatilization, where the crystals are forced to grow under extreme pressure and temperature. This produces a pungent and unpleasent chlorine-like Odor". One simple paragraph to capture the imagination - that's what you're looking for in a good story. I want you to look at this out of context: "Jewelers set osmium in ways similar to carbon-based diamonds. When osmium is subjected to volatilization at the critical temperature, it produces a pungent and unpleasant chlorine-like odor." Tell me (in your head), what does that paragraph promote to you? If you're a jeweler, what's the very first thing you want to know about when somebody gives you a new material to work with? That it smells bad when the factory makes it? The process is interesting, because i've never heard of "volatilization" before until reading this. But *literally* the only thing mentioned about it is that it smells bad. AGAIN - you're trying to sell a golden toilet by saying the gold makes the shit smell better. None of this works that way. YOU DON'T PROMOTE THE SMELLY PROCESS TO THE JEWELERS! YOU PROMOTE IT TO THE TECHHEADS WHO WANNA KNOW! Location location locaion. That goes for where you type what and who you type it to. I'm not going to rewrite page 39 - I'm going to delete it. I want Scarlett to rewrite it, and this time, think about what she would like to know about this shit as a jeweler, *had she never heard of it before*. PAGE 40: "Small curved bars look like rings but are in fact bars that can be cut by jewelers into segments." CHANGED INTO "Small curved bars look like rings but are in fact bars that can be cut into segments by jewelers.", cosmetic change - at this point to make it consistent with the rest of my writing style since i changed so much already. "and can be > and could be", Could is understood to reference a "but" or "however" later. But "Can" is more of a statement on its own. "i can change a tire; i cannot change a tire; i could change a tire but i don't know how". "not be worn as a ring > not be worn", redundancy - if you wear a ring shaped object you're not likely to glue it to your face. Although with you guys.... "until their further > until its further", plural should be singular, because it refers to ">A< so called semi-manufactured product" "Crystalline osmium can be bent to a certain degree. However, it is brittle and may break when falling on hard surfaces." CHANGED INTO "Crystalline osmium can be bent to a certain degree, but it's brittle and may break when falling.", Alright, so - 2 howevers in consecutive sentences is annoying, so it's changed to a comma and a "but" instead (remember to use synonims!); Added a contraction because it reads easier; And removed "on hard surfaces" because "brittle" already carries with it the suggestion that you shouldn't drop it *at all*, not even on soft surfaces, making "and hard surfaces" redundant. Less = More when it comes to grabbing attention! But spend the wordcount where it counts! a good writer is one that can keep both these thoughts going at the same time. PAGE 41: "Osmium small curved bars with protection" CHANGED INTO "Small curved osmium bars with protection", Size > Shape > Material > Object > Additions. Now it reads like "bars which are small and curved and consist of osmium that is protected". If i do that to the first sentence: "bars which are osmium and small and curved and protected". Thats why it feels cumbersome, even though it's hard to tell why. It's because of how your mind translates it. And that's also why german natives will skip over the bad translation - I'll bet when germans translate the english directly in their head to german it sounds alot better, because it's the same process in reverse. Hence my immediate comment "This reads as if a german translated it". English speakers feel these things, they grew up with the context. Non-natives need to know it. "Osmium small curved bars should only be worn as jewelry if they are set in a ductile and therefore less brittle material, such as titanium. CHANGED INTO: "Small curved osmium bars should only be worn as jewelry if they are set in a ductile made of less brittle material, such as titanium.", Again same mistake (you sure you didn't ask somebody in over their head and they used google translate alot more then they're willing to admit?), "and therefore" is just stupid. Just because something is a ductile doesn't make the ductile material less brittle. It makes no sense in this part of the sentence, and therefor, it's stupid. (use commas to emphasize!) "Titanium is one of those metals which > Titanium is one of the metals which", yeah, THOSE metals. You know them, with their beady lil eyes. "osmium small curved bars" x3. Yknow, if somebody isn't sure of themselves, they wouldn't consistently make the same mistakes. And if they did, they'd know, just like i make sure i don't type seperate anymore. Difference between an experienced writer and a rookie. "Titanium is one of those metals which are highly suitable for protecting small curved osmium bars and allowing them to be worn. However, you can also work with almost any other metal." So. As i said, i'm reading and fixing this one sentence at a time. So let me show the old situation in full now that i saw the next sentence. "Those metals" is a collective term. "also" sets up another collective term. Then you come up with "almost any other metal", which is a giant collective term. All of this *tells me nothing*, because if you keep terms too general, people don't know what you're talking about. "how are you?" "i'm fine". However, i understand the point he's trying to get across, and this is how it should be brought across: "Titanium is one metal which is highly suitable for protecting small curved osmium bars while wearing them. However, you can work with almost any other metal.", much more clear, no? Be specific when you mean to, generalize only one or people get confused. "In general, all ductile metals may therefore be used to protect osmium." CHANGED INTO "In general, all ductile metals can be used to protect osmium.", I told you. He's trying to sound smart, but he's not. The hallmark of those people is that they use surperfluous words when there's no need for them. If there's no purpose, it's fake. "may therefor" references the previous "almost any other metal". This is patronizing, because even a fucking child gets that "because you can use almost any metal, you may therefor use them to protect osmium". And you're talking to (hopefully) wealthy and successfull adults. This is what i mean by being unknowningly rude and holding back sales. How can you sell to somebody you were rude to? Also notice how i use "can" here and not "could". The other side of that coin. It's definitive you see. "Titanium has proven to be particularly suitable as it combines strength and corrosion resistance and is easy to process." CHANGED INTO "Titanium has proven to be particularly suitable as it combines strength and corrosion resistance, and is easy to process." Think i learned that in 2nd year high school english. Comma use. And i don't paticulairly like remembering that period. Adding another comment in here on how i'm getting fucking tired that everything's been entered out and every time i change something the ENTIRE FUCKING LAYOUT BELOW IT jumps back and forth. My poor CPU. You owe me a new bitching rig, at least. The poor gal's putting in effort too yknow. I learned how to do this *in word class in my IT college that was superiorily shit* for crying out loud. This is *first week* secretary stuff (who were in the next building over). PAGE 42: "Picture: 3D object „sitting cat“" CHANGED INTO "3D object shaped like a sitting cat", cause again i can see it's a picture, the "" use isn't consistent (do germans use the lower double applestrophe, perhaps?), and unless your product name or the only existance of the object in the world is named "Sitting cat", it's best to avoid apostophes altogether. Even if it is, you have to think ahead and plan for the brochure being around beyond you making a second one. Everytime you update your brochure - you have to update ALL your marketing materials. You don't want 2 versions of your brochure out there with minor changes, looks unproffessional. Switched "the design" sentence and "crystalline 3D" paragraph around. Makes more sense. The order in which you mention things is also very important, as people desire structure. Going with "can be manufactured in many ways > the carbon base determines the shape". You wanna bring general down to specific, not lift specific up to general. People are more OK with thinking everything is possible and narrowing that down >when they don't know anything yet<, then they are with narrowing it down, then blowing it up again, raising questions that need to be narrowed down again. "Crystalline 3D objects can be manufactured in many different ways." CHANGED INTO: "Crystalline 3D objects can be shaped in many different forms", as Dwight Schultz would say: False. Crystalline 3D objects can only be manufactured via the propriatary process. The carbon base, a part of this process, can be shaped in many different Forms - as the way those forms are shaped is part of the process which is always the same. Switching that one sentence around and fixing the other one fixes the *entire* page. I need not change anything else. PAGE 43: "The „osmium pearl“" CHANGED INTO "The “Osmium Pearl“", First off - Title, So Capitalization - Especially with a Brand or Unique item, and again consistency in apostrophe use. "Osmium pearls are not hollow. Instead, they contain a hyper-exact carbon sphere" CHANGED INTO "Osmium pearls are not hollow. Instead, they contain a solid hyper-exact carbon sphere", the OSMIUM pearls might not be hollow, but what about the carbon sphere, is *it* hollow? (if yes - change "solid" to "hollow" and delete the first sentence entirely). " a specially ground surface acting as a substrate" CHANGED INTO " a special surface acting as a substrate", so this is an especial egregious error. It's also redundant, because "the ground" is always a surface, otherwise we'd say something like "the sky". Between the two, you pick surface, because a 1cm sphere does not "contain ground" unless you're a microbe. "For chains, the hole is extended to a cannulation." Ok, so if you've never heard of the word "cannulation" like me, that entire sentence is gibberish and i seriously had to take 2 minutes to figure out WTF it says. ALWAYS REMEMBER PEOPLE CANNOT READ MINDS! CHANGED INTO: "For chains, the sphere’s hole - which is usually approx. 2mm in size and used to place the sphere on for crystalization - is extended to a cannulation.", Then i googled "cannulation": A cannula is a tube that can be inserted into the body. So it's a tube shape. So guess how you do that without making people google? "to a cannulation > to a tube shape, or "cannulation"". Again. No mind reading. Instead, teach. If they feel like they learned something while reading the brochure, they put it down feeling like they've already gained something just from reading about osmium, so there's more to gain from actually buying the stuff. Simplify, then quotate, ALL difficult to understand industry terms, always. "processing, > processing", unnecessary comma. "is risky > is very risky", 10% qualifies as "very risky" and never be afraid to hype up the rarity of the ones you already have. "The success rate may be as low as 10%." CHANGED INTO "The success rate has been as low as 10%.", Not less true and it doesn't introduce doubts into the client's mind, instead, it introduces opportunity: The first sentence says "Your pearl may take 10 tries, so don't buy". The second one says "the previous pearls have sometimes taken 10 tries, but yours might be cheaper - or - future optimization will increase supply which increases possible demand". Because there's something as "too rare" as well yknow - if people think it'll NEVER be affordable, they never bother. "Paradoxically, the percentage yield of pearls decreases with increasing number of pearls in the crystallization furnace." CHANGED INTO "Paradoxically, the percentage yield of pearls decreases with increasing numbers of pearls in the crystallization furnace." Plural and singular is not a bowl of mixed nuts, yknow. "Therefore, the price of pearls increases with increasing production figures, although they are already expensive as one-off manufactures." CHANGED INTO "Therefore, the price of pearls increases exponentially with increased demand, while they are already expensive as one-off products to begin with", so "increasing production figures" is a really weird way of saying "when we make more of them". It's also simply not true: You can always build more furnaces, you don't have to stick them all in the same furnace. If this isn't possible - the document hasn't told ME that yet, so how the hell is anybody else gonna know? "exponential increase with more demand" is true, because as demand goes up, yields go down, causing price to go up through both demand AND production inefficiency, making the price rise exponential. Also "manufactures > products", cause nobody talks like that. "For this reason, osmium pearls are the most exclusive pieces of jewelry that exist." CHANGED INTO: "For this reason, osmium pearls are the most exclusive pieces of jewelry in existence." You know what that is called? "Gravitas". Never be afraid to use it on a conclusion that's bolded. No exclamation point either - badasses don't look back at explosions. PAGE 44: "United States customs designations for osmium" CHANGED INTO "Customs designations for osmium in the United States". If you name the country, you better speak the language. UNITED STATES CUSTOMS DESIGNATIONS! JA! "Upon import, the national > Upon import the national", unnecessary comma use. They're ONLY going to be responsible when the stuff's imported, not before. No need for emphasis, and leads to start and stop reading. "several reactants and also products. > several reactants and products.", AND ALSO! JA! "The following eight digits are the OIC, the Osmium Identification Code." CHANGED INTO "The eight digits following are the OIC, the Osmium Identification Code.", The following eight, but no code follows. The eight letters follow the diameter number. And i can tell that with logic without having seen one code (or if i did i forgot so same thing). That is why text like this turns people off. They can tell with logic too, even if they're not aware of it. "that have not yet existed at the time at which the agreements have been made." CHANGED INTO "that did not exist at the time when the agreements were made." You want to know something really depressing? After fixing that sentence myself, I went to translate.google.com. I translated "that have not yet existed at the time at which the agreements have been made." from English to German. That gives: "das gab es zum Zeitpunkt der Vereinbarung noch nicht." I copied that, and used google translate to directly translate it from German to English. The result: "that did not exist at the time of the agreement." CAN YOU NOW SEE WHY I CALL THIS A COMPLETE CLUSTERFUCK? YOUR MAN GETS OUTDONE BY GOOGLE TRANSLATE! MASSIVELY! It might not be good enough, but it's still better then your version. At the very least - it's shorter, much. Smartest thing you ever did was hire me because ho - lee - shit. That said, if you doubt it can't hurt to check i use google translate all the time. But that's my point - atleast i check. PAGE 45: "registered by the "Osmium-Institut zur Inverkehrbringung und Zertifizierung von Osmium GmbH." CHANGED TO "registered at the "Osmium-Institut zur Inverkehrbringung und Zertifizierung von Osmium GmbH.", You register stuff AT a location and it then stays there, if its registered BY someone, you imply it's just a certification (like a notary's certification), not a central database. PAGE 46: "In general, each osmium piece > Each osmium piece", "in general" implies "not always", which would defeat the purpose of your iron clad anti-forgery system. See what i mean by "holding sales back"? If you advertise unique security features, then imply there are situations where they aren't applied, people either get confused or think you're scamming them. Because ofcourse the times you don't do it is when you benefit the most. "For the purpose of online identification > For online identification", THE WHOLE POINT of the fucking code is for online identification. YOU DON'T HAVE TO STATE THAT IS ITS PURPOSE! CON-DE-SCEN-DING! PA-TRO-NI-SING! Also removed the comma because it isn't necessary to emphasize identification WHEN ITS ALL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. START-AND-STOP-READING! "can be entered for identification" A-FUCKING-GAIN! THE CODE IS "FOR" IDENTIFICATION?! REALLY?! MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT. Removed "for identification". "The authenticity of osmium can thus be verified via the Internet", Removed thus FOR THE SAME FUCKING REASON! "The authenticity of osmium can for that reason be verified via the Internet". You've been patronising whoever reads this SO MUCH no wonder they're put off. I swear to god even i feel like my intelligence is insulted. Let me make clear: "The authenticity of osmium can be verified via the Internet by comparing" is also *fucking longwinded* like half of this document and it's the reason why it's so long. Now, i'm leaving it in because i'm gonna work with a flyer > brochure > academy system of interest. But do realise: This: "The authenticity of osmium can be verified via the Internet by comparing the scanned crystal structure in the database with a high-resolution close-up of the piece to be checked." Is exactly the same as this: "You can verify your piece online by comparing the database's picture with your own." This brochure is atleast 30/70 pages too long. But fine. We'll have this one be thorough, and use a 5 page flyer as the tastemaker. Just so you know i *am* very much working WITHIN YOUR WISHES, because if it was my company, i'd deleted half the brochure before even starting improving the text. No to be honest i would've tossed it and just remade the whole thing in 10. But whatever. Babysteps. "of the piece to be checked." again trying to sound fucking smart. Or not knowing how to finish a sentence. CHANGED INTO "photograph". Yes, that simple. Yknow why? When you're checking a piece.... Is that your piece? the one you're holding? If you argue "well, it might belong to a customer"..... Yeah but you're not digitizing the piece, you're checking the database file against....................... a photograph. Which piece that photograph is of doesn't matter either. "approx. > approximately", don't shorten things if you have the space, especially in a separate short sentence bullet point. You're not under fucking fire here. You don't read "approx." as approximately you read it as approx and convert it to approximately in your head, start and stop reading. "A blockchain technology is in preparation, making the code even more secure." CHANGED INTO "Blockchain technology is being prepared to make the code even more secure." A BLOCKCHAIN TECHNOLOGEE! JA! Useful info though, can use that to sell, people love blockchain ^_^ YOU SHOULD'VE MENTIONED THIS BEFORE! You have any idea how hard this allows me to bury the bitcoiners? xD this made my day. Oh and if you did mention it, i've got memory problems when it comes to conversations so if you did mention it, i'll tell you why it didn't stick: Information overload. Buried in between other technical details. You need to put more marketing focus on this, and make the release a big deal once it's ready. Trust me, that'll do well. "can be confirmed immediately and a certificate can be printed > can be confirmed immediately and a certificate printed", redudancy (though admittedly, this one is more high level). PAGE 47: "search field, any > search field any", unneccesary comma." "local currency and > local currency; And", semicolon because when sentences get too long people need a break, even when you're not done. They need to know when it's OK to breathe, even in their mind. If you've ever read a text that felt "exhausting", that's why... Not enough breaks to breathe. The price displayed in each case corresponds to the price of each piece as it would be placed on the market if sold by an institution on the day the price query was entered See what i mean? Sentence is gibberish too, btw. CHANGED INTO: "The price displayed for each piece corresponds to the wholesale price as if it was placed on the open market." You really don't need to tell somebody the price corresponds to the price they've just searched for. "Attention: > ATTENTION!:", again, EMPHASIZE << the actual important stuff. Underlined it, too. "A code for a piece cannot be requested again if it gets lost!" Underlined the important bit and exclaimed it. Emphasis. "In this case, the piece must pass > If the code is lost,", DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT EVER HIDE, DESCRIBE, OR OTHERWISE DANCE AROUND INFORMATION FOR RECOVERY!!!! MAKE IT ABSOLUTELY CLEAR WITHOUT ANY POSSIBLE CONFUSION WHAT THEY MUST DO IF THEY FUCK UP, BECAUSE MANY *WILL* FUCK UP! But they *will* remember the brochure had info on what to do when they did, even if they don't have it at hand. But don't go overboard. Repitition is also emphasis, redundancy is not. "the process > this process", "this" refers to their process, "the" is general. When warning people and it makes no difference either way for descriptive purposes - Choose to put the fear of god in them. If you can't be loved it's better to be feared. "We therefore ask you to store the code for a piece of osmium at a safe location." Again. Emphasis. Fear for risk. CHANGED INTO: "We therefor highly recommend customers store the code for a piece of osmium at a secured location." "ask > highly recommend", because you "ask" somebody for a bite, you TELL them to not fuck about with something this expensive - but without impacting agency... they wanna be stupid let them be stupid. "you > customers", because you're not talking to a buyer yet, you're talking to a *potential*. Buyers have stopped reading at this point and already bought. "safe > Secured", because "safe" is relative. A person might consider "under their bed" safe.... But they won't consider it "secured". When you say secured, the image of a vault pops in their head, which is what you want. PAGE 48: "possessors > ownership", literally nobody says possessors that's another one of those literal translations. "change ownership, e.g. during > change ownership during", and this is, again, trying to be smart when you're not. A simple statement does more then enough. "This can be done multiple times > during processing". Yes, you already explained owners can change codes once and then the next one and so forth. Now you wanna make clear that it can >also< be done >during internal processing< PAGE 49: "OIC – Osmium Identification Code – Example: D3 – D34B – 27A9" CHANGED INTO: "The Osmium Identification Code, or OIC.", don't put the fucking example in the page title oh my god..... They're statements. They're separate from the body. It means people forget them after they read the text, as it's a setup, not the information. Instead i moved it down below the main sentence and underlined it so people know what to look for. "osmium instantly online > osmium instantly via the internet". coulda woulda shoulda. could would should. Text is almost like music, you can't just put one full chord after another. Gotta have it flow. "Customs authorities, jewelers, buyers as well as private individuals, e.g. the owners of a piece, need to be able to identify the respective piece when necessary." You don't say. DELETED IN ITS ENTIRETY. Patronising assholes. "possessor > owner", again no one ever says possessor. Google says: Possessor > besitzer > owner. Recommendations: Owner, Holder, Proprietor, Possessor. Bottom of the list of "unusual". How are you going to speak to the people when you refuse to use their language? "Only then, this person > Only then can this person" THIS PERSON! ONLY THEN! JA! "the associated data, and > the associated data and", unnecessary comma, no "and" was used before this in the sentence. "value > price" - you have no idea what the value is. If they can sell above spot that's the value. You know price. "can of the crystal structure > can of the crystalline structure", good place to use "crystalline". Sounds fancier. "structure surface > surface structure", it's the surface that has a structure, not the structure that has a surface. I mean, the latter too, but that's not what you mean. "significant digits > decimals", wichtige Ziffer, perhaps? Americans use points instead of commas, so anything behind the decimal point is a decimal. That was also a comment from my hawaiian friend btw - the website uses commas instead of decimal points and it makes it look like you're selling 1000 grams (1,000) instead of 1.000 grams. I HIGHLY recommend changing that to decimal points, as it makes much more sense internationally. "In addition, the piece is weighed to four decimals, its dimensions are taken, and in some cases, a crystallization quality grade is assigned.", THIS is actually good comma use, probably on accident, but i wanted to highlight it anyway. The comma infront of the And is justified because it chops the sentence into 4 sections, and you can read them with a rhythem - by far most popular music is in a 4/4th measure because that really resounds with humans. Makes the reading more not less comfortable. "assignable > identifiable", you assign a code, you identify a chemical purity, as it's innate to the object. "the current value > the current price" again, you only know price. You could only add value in there as "price-value", because that makes it "the value of the price variable on the website", and that'd still be worse then just price. "entire osmium account > entire account", redundant, if you're looking at your prices for your osmium, you're already doing that in your osmium account, not your gold account. PAGE 50: (oh good i haven't even started yet and i can already see an example of the code in the middle of the text. After it was already in a fucking title. again, 71 page document, doesn't need to be). "seller achieves an adequate price". I know what you're trying to say, but it's done so hamfistedly, that it comes off stupid. You're trying to say the seller will get a fair price. But that's stupid because it's not the seller, but the BUYER, that has to worry about that. What you WANT to say, is that the seller will make alot of money, but you can't as you're a monopoly who has set a global price and they will *never* make alot over spot. This conflicts with their interests, and you have no way to deal with it. Yknow what that is? Greed. You WANT them to think they'll make alot, so you'll get more sales. Ethical company huh? CHANGED INTO: "seller sets a realistic price", because that's exactly what'll happen. Because you control the price, you're FORCING sellers to adhere to it, as buyers can always come to you for a piece at spot. Again... running a monopoly ethically is *EXTREMELY HARD TO DO* and if you're not *REAL FUCKING CAREFUL*, you're gonna slide down that slippery slope real quick. Your way out in this case is to abandon that angle entirely. If you emphasize that your methods will make sure that sellers set a fair price, then buyers will accept from the getgo they can only make money on the time-spread, rather then markups or premiums. It's not unfair if they are told up front. MEANWHILE; Since the text now heavily favors BUYERS; the buyers will be more enticed to buy because they know they get "a realistic price" - which increases the size of the secondary market, which is good for both demand and awareness. Also you do realise that second-hand resellers are your only competition right? You can't tell people they should hold, but there's no need to encourage them to sell, either. "theft, osmium > theft, the osmium piece", Tracing base osmium now, are ya? Better wear protection. "This helps to prevent theft > This helps to deter theft", You *literally* cannot prevent theft if you're identifying a stolen piece at the time of sale xD That ship has long sailed by then. But you *can* deter thefts from happening with the knowledge that this system exists. "Syntax of the Osmium Identification Code:", again so very german to just state something. +"is as follows:" I'll allow the double example since it serves a purpose - but putting it in the title is still real stupid. "may be multi-digit - may consist of multiple digits", spend the wordcount where you have to. "diameter or > diameter, or" Second "or" in the sentence, comma it. Same rule as "and". Starts becoming annoying. "in mm. > in millimeters.", again you're not under fire here. There's time to type a word in full. "as o or i are > as O or I are", ALWAYS Capitalize examples if they're singular letters. i and l could be easily confused, I and L are not. Since your code is all capitals, that makes it even more important. "a faulty detection" I genuinely have trouble with what this says. Does the computer have problems with telling O and I apart from other letters? .....please don't tell me you guys literally made a system that filters out O and I because you think people cannot tell an O from a 0, and an I from an L or a 1, might enter the code on the website mistakenly once or twice and get mad at you so you filter them out; Then go about advertising about how you think people are too stupid to tell them apart and how great you are for filtering it out for them. I'm going to delete that entire sentence. Because you don't wanna advertise this, or >*EVER*<, mention it again. Ever. "does not follow a fixed pattern but is randomly generated > is randomly generated" Redundant and condescending. If it doesn't follow a fixed pattern, it's random by definition, and if it's randomly generated, it doesn't follow a fixed pattern by definition. "is randomly generated by the code generator > is randomly generated" REDUNDANT ONLY A RANDOM CODE GENERATOR GENERATES A RANDOM CODE YOU CONDESCENDING ASSHOLES. "The code is randomly generated by when an osmium piece is certified." << that's what you're left with. So little i'm combining it with the paragraph above since it's a sentence shorter now. "an owner or possessor" Oh go fuck yourself. "There are numerous platforms where an owner can enter the Osmium Identification Code." CHANGED INTO "There are numerous platforms where an owner can access the Osmium Identification database.", Again just straight up lying, they can >only enter the code on your platform<, but >your platform can be accessed from many places<, places that in instances such as when talking about technology, can be >technology platforms< (if you wanna know if something makes sense or not - Write it in full. Meaning, add in those superfluous words you'd usually leave out and see if it still makes sense and just becomes longwinded or not). "The Osmium-Identification-Code can be entered at:", pointing out that normally you don't do this to a title but only in the body of a text. Remember that if you *just* bold titles, and *just* bold subsection titles, if a subsection title hits the top of the page, people think it's an entirely new section whether you mean to or not. In this case, i'm leaving it in, cause it's a very important piece of info (far more important then an example of a code - they only need to see what the code looks like once, but they need to remember where they check it for a long time). PAGE 51: "This applies above all to jewelers," Dude must've been getting tired. This is bad even for him. And honestly i don't understand how THIS got through ANY proofreading.... You guys did proofread, did you? Or did even you not last this long? CHANGED INTO "The above applies to all jewelers,", I'm going for another smoke and food. Genuinely my soul feels tired. I can't believe you guys would've let me step into the field with this. Feels like i'm a fucking soviet soldier where i get the gun and the guy behind me has the ammo. "For this purpose, an i-frame is provided, which is connected to the code server." I'm a tech guy, and i have no idea what this means. "code server" means NOTHING. ALL servers run code, they're computers. I've heard of i-frames before: Invincibility frames in fighting games after doing a dodge. CHANGED INTO: "For this purpose an API is provided which connects to the database." Now, i don't know if that's *exactly* the right wording based on your system, the back end of which i don't know, but in the entire digital entertainment industry, if something hooks into a central proprietary database, it's done via API. "When the code is entered, the data of the piece appears in a window." Oh good i always wanted to see into the matrix. CHANGED INTO "When the code is entered the information of the piece appears in a window". "The photo is available for viewing and enlarging to check the crystal structure." Wonder what else is available for enlarging ;) Reminds me of a monthy python sketch. "Welcome to travel tours! Would you like to book a holiday, or would you like a blowjob?" CHANGED INTO: "The photo can be enlarged to showcase the crystal structure." Obviously the photo is available for viewing, it's available for enlarging, for downloading and dragging around the screen too. NEVER be obvious. AGAIN! PATRONISING! *whoever* wrote this is a dick and i don't care if it's Ingo or not. WHOEVER it is needs to get his goddamn ego in check. And that's coming from ME! "listed. The > listed, and the", again, very german to just state a list of facts, but it doesn't read well. "For this purpose, a small printer icon is displayed in the code line." AGAIN feeling the need to explain *every little thing*. Would you like to tell me how to move my mouse cursor to the picture too? Condescending, arrogant, patronising behaviour. CHANGED INTO: "Each certificate can be printed via a small printer icon; And the certificate can also be downloaded as a PDF file." "If multiple pieces are in possession of a person, several codes can be entered into the field separated by commas." CHANGED INTO: "Several codes can be entered into the field separated by commas." Codes and pieces are separate, even if they should always be kept close. If one piece is in posession of a person, multiple codes can still be entered. Ownership does not prevent typing. AGAIN the fucking NEED to TELL SOMEBODY EVERY LITTLE FUCKING THING. And i'm being honest and open. Have you by now at least considered how the customers you've lost along the way so far must've felt? Because they're just not gonna give you the time of day anymore. With this kind of behaviour i really am not surprised you haven't gotten feedback before. Either they love the asset and won't do anything to ruin a *really* cushy job, or they think you guys are such assholes and morons they don't care what happens to you. "list upon his or her express wish > list if they so wish", again very german, it *has* to be precise doesn't it? SHAME HE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT QUALITY because then it'd be "upon his or her express wishes", as it pertains to the wishes of his OR her, which is plural. Singular would be "AT his or her express request" or "upon wishing so" or "upon their explicit request", or "upon making it his or her wish". what a Dumb Fuck. AND YES I SAID DUMB FUCK I'M TIRED OF NOT BEING ALLOWED TO EXPRESS MYSELF WHILE BEING TOLD TO GIVE THIS HOT GARBAGE TO *MY* LOYAL FRIENDS AND *MY* CUSTOMERS AND *MY* CONTACTS!!!!!! I THANK THE FUCKING LORD IN THE HEAVENS ABOVE I DIDN'T SEND THIS SHITFEST TO ERIC SPROTT! I WOULD'VE LOOKED LIKE A FOOL! My rep may be linked with yours, but yours is linked with mine, and my subs would LAUGH THEIR ASS OFF if i didn't put in this much effort to make it right, so congratulations, you managed to screw me already, and it's been weeks. Really. You guys need to get your shit together. This isn't playtime anymore. You wanna market "the new gold" you BETTER bring that quality ACROSS THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION. PAGE 52: "Osmium – A toxic substance until 2013?" WHY IN THE EVERLIVING FUCK IS THE HISTORY BEFORE 2014 LOCATED ON PAGE 52 WHEN 2014 IS LOCATED ON PAGE FOUR!!!!!!! WHY! WHY WHY WHY! WHY IS 2014 PAGE 4, THE DISCOVERY PAGE 17 AND 20th CENTURY-2013 ON PAGE 52! THERE IS *>!NO!<* CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER HERE! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW THIS SHIT?! i swear to god this is by far the worst brochure i've ever seen. I've seen worse that atleast didn't have any pretenses and could serve as guerilla marketing - if it sucks enough you can lean into it. But this is not only poorly translated, poorly written, superflous, far too long, has no structure or chronological order.... its also fucking arrogant enough to condescendingly tell the reader every specific fucking little detail like they can't think things themselves, while never mentioning the actual important stuff they don't know. Working through this and actually having to write a changelog because you arrogant bastards are too scared i'll "touch your baby in the wrong way", has already by far been the worst job i've ever taken on. Whatever the fuck you think you know about crystals, you haven't got a clue about people or on how to sell your assets. The only reason i'm glad i put in the effort is because i know this'll *properly* fix things, put you people in your place BEFORE the asset goes global and you look like a bunch of asshat clowns - as well as serve as training material for my people because this is by now the perfect example of how not to write a brochure, and i'm dead serious about that, this is a university example level. Luckily your failings actually work in your favor here, holding osmium back and keeping you and the asset unknown, but if you try to scale with this, you'll just get laughed at until somebody steals your work and does it right. Best get on with it, still 19 pages to go. No yknow what, another smoke, even though i'm almost outta weed. I feel stressed like hell. I genuinely feel like shit on the inside, non-physically as well as physically. If you'd see my harry-potter-book sized psychological dossier, i'm pretty sure you'd already cry for what you've put me through. You have no idea how much it weighs on my soul to find all of this out, put in all of this effort, as well as tell people who've been nice to me how much they've failed. But it is for the good of the organization, and if SOMEONE doesn't tell you the truth now, it's only going to get worse from here on out. Clearly no one else has the balls and they're either taking you for a ride on a cushy job or are incompetent and fear losing it - but they know you never check anyway cause you're too nice and just want everybody to be happy. That's not how business, or the world, works. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "until 2013? > until 2013." I'm sorry i didn't know there was any question to the element's toxicity after its discovery FUCKING 200 YEARS EARLIER. Yeah no i've lost it. I don't care anymore, now it's therapy. "Osmium is extracted as osmium sponge, which is harmful to health." CHANGED INTO "Osmium is extracted as osmium sponge which is toxic to humans." CONDESCENDING i don't need to be told toxic = harmful. "only certain specialty chemical companies are allowed to trade." CHANGED INTO "only specialty chemical companies are allowed to trade it." REDUNDANT "speciality" is already "certain (meaning select in this context)" and only they are allowed to trade OSMIUM. Their *ability* to trade is not dependent on osmium. "in an oxygen atmosphere and air" WASN'T AWARE "AIR" WASN'T CLASSIFIED AS A OXYGEN ATMOSPHERE THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME. -and air. "As already mentioned," REAL FUCKING BALLSY TO ASK PEOPLE TO RECALL SOMETHING ON PAGE 17 WHILE ON PAGE 52. WHILE REPEATING EVERYTHING ELSE WITH EXTREME REDUNDANCY! ARROGANCE, DELETED! CHANGED INTO: "The gas has a pungent odor, a characteristic which osmium derives its name from." "In its crystalline form, however," START AND FUCK READING. DELEEEETED "osmium is non-hazardous in analogy to the crystal structure of a diamond and in no way harmful to health." CHANGED INTO: "osmium is non-hazardous no way harmful to health." DIAMONDS ARE NEVER FUCKING TOXIC NOT EVEN AS NON CRYSTAL CARBON, WHICH IS ACTUALLY USED TO DRAW TOXINS *OUT* FROM HUMANS BY FORCING INGESTATION OF CHARCOAL! FUCKWAD ANALOGY, DELETED! "and also > and", ALSO ALSO, JA! "It is particularly important to know that with crystalline osmium, osmium tetroxide can only form at temperatures well above 400 °C." NO IT FUCKING IS NOT THAT IS ONLY IMPORTANT TO SOLDERING JEWELERS, AND IT IS REDUNDANT AS THAT WAS ALREADY MENTIONED! BITCH WHO DO YOU THINK IS ACTUALLY GOING TO TRY AND HEAT UP OSMIUM? THINK I'M GONNA HOLD A LIGHTER BELOW IT OR SOMETHING?! CHANGED INTO: "and can only form osmium tetroxide at temperatures well above 400 °C." "Osmium can be crystallized since 2013 and has been absolutely harmless since then." CHANGED INTO: "The crystallization process was perfected in 2013, making the crystals inert." JUST BECAUSE *YOU* CAN CRYSTALIZE OSMIUM DOES NOT MAKE OSMIUM *THE METAL* SAFE! ALSO COMBINING SENTENCES INTO A PARAGRAPH AS THIS IS LONG ENOUGH AS IS. "The reason for this late point in time is that the process was not considered mature until 2012." OH SO 2013 EXISTS BECAUSE THE PROCESS WASN'T MATURE IN 2012, WAS IT?! CHANGED INTO: "The reason why crystalized osmium wasn't brought to market sooner is because the process was not considered mature until 2012." AGAIN PEOPLE AREN'T MINDREADERS THEY CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU THINK WHEN *YOU* TYPE "this point in time". "define > refine" IF THE PROCESS EXISTED IN 2012 AND WAS PERFECTED IN 2013 THEN IT WAS REFINED, NOT DEFINED! PAGE 53: *cough* think i got that out of my system. It's just so bad. It's literally every single paragraph and sentence. It's not funny bad it's just horrible. "Hexagonal close-packed structure > Close-packed Hexagonal structure", it's the hexagons that are closely packed, not the packs that are hexagonal. "dense, and" << leaving that in for emphasis on dense, even though it's the first and in the sentence behind a second comma. "results in or supports some characteristics:" I litterally had to just take a moment to facepalm. Lord give me the strength to not slap who wrote this silly. The crystal structure results in characteristics. Y'don't say. CHANGED INTO: "this crystal structure results in some unique characteristics:" Saw i forgot a specific there. As opposed to an unspecified crystal structure. "Highest density > Extreme density", I know what the document is going for here but you don't have the space for a full explanation and "highest density" on its own is not true - radioactive elements are denser. Non-compressable is interesting though. PAGE 54: "Five Nines Purity > A purity of Five 9's." If you state "five nines" outright, people think "Nines" or "Five Nines" is some sort of brand name or special award, rather then a description. Since you're talking about the 9's in the purity number, it's fine to use an actual number in the title, as this makes it visually clear what's being talked about. "What is counted is the number of nines in the statement of purity" CHANGED INTO "What counts in terms of purity is the number of nines in a pure sample." "the statement of purity" is gibberish and makes no sense, unless you imagine the person writing this imagining "a statement of purity" in his head, and that's why you get "the" statement of purity. Not "it's" statement of purity. "even for the precious metal market! > Even for precious metals!" Didn't know the Comex Futures Exchange had a purity rating. Building's 99,999% brick, ye? OH THANK GOD a large picture that skips half a page. Still gotta fix the formatting and the subtext though. FUCK. PAGE 55: "Counterfeiting osmium? – Impossible! > Counterfeiting osmium is Impossible!" No need to be cute about a legitimately exciting part of your product. Save it for the weak points. Also don't mention this to the Chinese they'll find a way. "simply coating tungsten bars > enclosing a tungsten core" Lick of paint on a tungsten ingot is all it takes huh? This puts off your entire bullion dealer clientelle cause it shows you don't have a fucking clue about gold verification. If you do - it doesn't show, and that's the problem. Also there's nothing simple about that. ARGH FUCK i just got a massive stabbing feeling in my right ear. Welp, add that to the list of stress ailments. "For this reason, it is not possible to place a less valuable core inside an osmium bar that reaches density to osmium." Should i mention at this point that your bars are 1 millimeter thick by the way? How's that gonna fit in the first place? "that reaches density to osmium." More gibberish. CHANGED INTO: "that closes in on osmium’s density" "counterfeiting is impossible anyway because" Yeah just throw an random anyway in there at this point sure why not i've seen everything else. Deleted. "If someone tried to coat a metal core with osmium during crystallization at 3,000 °C, the metal core would melt away before the osmium, making counterfeiting once more impossible." Building an oven that can do that is counterfeiting proof enough mind you. You people talk as if that's an easy thing to do. Like i cook a turkey in an oven pre-heated to 3000C for 15 seconds. CHANGED INTO: "Due to the extreme temperatures of around 3000C during crystalization, using a fake metal core is hard if not impossible to do – only space age alloys expensive in their own right can withstand that heat." Note: Americans don't understand celcius. They will have no idea how hot this is - but i'm not gonna use retard units. It's just a need to know. "when crossing borders. > with full confidence.". Customs authorities don't cross borders. They wait for you to cross their border. jesus christ. PAGE 56: "What has already been made of osmium? > What can be made out of osmium?" Unless you're planning a history showcase, offer possibility. "complex through holes" idiocy - holes always go through something. "Price inquiries take about two days until they are answered." Again very literal german. VE VILL ANSWER YOUR INQUIRIES IN TWO DAYS! NOT ONE! NOT ZREE! TWO! CHANGED INTO: "Price inquiries take approximately two days." Pro marketing tip: Shut up if it's not need to know. "Picture: Osmium shape made on customer request. > Osmium shape made on the customers request." again, german. "planning > designing" Going straight from planning to submitting are we? "provide the requirements > submit the specifications" Requirements: Saw. I shall provide this to you. Also THREE MONTHS wait time holy hell. That's not "less" anything, that's the highest production time i've heard. CHANGED INTO: "takes approximately three months" - System Administrators trick. Always tell them it'll take a bit longer then it will, so you look like a genius when you complete it ahead of schedule. Makes for happy customers! :D PAGE 57: Oh dear god nearing the end of this nightmare. Just to take a moment since i'm on this page - really, you guys should show jewelry FAR, FAR more often! I'm mesmerized every time, but you're promoting loose pieces in every way possible everywhere. To be blunt; I don't see why anybody would EVER buy osmium outside of investment bars, standardized "coins" if you will, Splitbars (see i can come around on something) and jewelry. If it's REALLY that expensive, why so much nonsense? Why the tiny tiny pieces glued to faces which serve no purpose? It's just a fucking waste, and other people notice that too yknow. But i see that necklace, and i'm in love. And i don't understand why you guys don't use that. THAT is the ETHICAL way to promote something. *let* people fall in love. But, to continue: "jewelry: > jewelry" consistency. Exclamation marks and question marks for statements only. OR - do it everywhere, not once. "have been working with osmium already > have been working with osmium" Redundancy. "have been > already", both contain a time element. "Jewelers who have been working with osmium for a long time usually have fancy ideas for jewelry and can implement your requirements for creating unique pieces." CHANGED INTO: "Jewelers are people who don't like to be told they "usually" have "fancy" ideas". ... No i'm kidding but c'mon. Condescending. You're a jeweler yourself for crying out loud. Have YOU even read this thing? Thoroughly? No i'm not joking, people are going to ask this question if YOU put out garbage like this. CHANGED INTO: "Jewelers who have been working with osmium for a long time have become quite experienced in working with the material and have no difficulty creating unique pieces to custom order." "This is how sensational artwork is created directly according to customers’ requests." CHANGED INTO "This is how sensational artwork is created directly according to the customers specifications". More logical, requests aren't enough, they need specifications. "can you make me a cat" is a request. "the value of osmium jewelry even more. > the value of the jewelry even more." Part of selling something is guiding the customer's thoughts into a state where they see themselves owning the piece before they do. Once you've called a piece "sensational" and "unique" you need to make sure they understand "THAT" piece has that value. This is how they will consider buying Custom jewelry - over "all" jewelry being more valuable, even though that is true too. Also it's clear that when the "specific osmium shape" (i'll let him keep this one, emphasis) is osmium, the resulting jewelry will be osmium too. Redundancy. PAGE 58: "In the jewelry, market osmium is used exclusively in its crystalline form." CHANGED INTO: "In the jewelry market osmium is used exclusively in its crystalline form." excessive comma use, and i'm posting the full sentence to remind you how much redundant information there is in the brochure overall. Do you really think the reader STILL needs to be told this at this point? Legimitate question: Isn't there a part of your mind that by now goes "ALRIGHT fine i get it!"?.... well that's what your readers experience too, and why you've gotta read through to the end. I had to aswell. Extensively. "Find out more on www.osmium-institute.com before buying osmium." CHANGED INTO: "You can find more information about crystalline osmium on www.osmium-institute.com". Never. Ever. EVER. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER! TELL YOUR POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS TO WAIT WITH A PURCHASE! "BEFORE" BUYING? ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK?! jesus i can feel my hair turning grey as i speak. "Alternatively, osmium can be ordered on www.buy-osmium.com. There are photographs available of every piece offered." YEAH AND THEY'RE THE ABSOLUTE WORST POSSIBLE PHOTOGRAPHS POSSIBLE TOO! REDUNDANCY FOR EMPHASIS! FUCK! CHANGED INTO: "Alternatively you can buy crystalized osmium today at www.buy-osmium.com!" You're selling something. Be excited about selling it. Then people will get excited about buying it. After you've been trying to sell them on something for 57 pages you don't BEG them to check the shop. You want them desperate for that link, and when they *discover* the shop, you want them to *discover* the pictures, and be MESMERIZED by them! Or are you the type of person that goes around telling the ending to every movie to their friends within the first 5 minutes? My sister used to do that when she was younger. One of the few things i made her feel bad about until she stopped doing that. I hate repeating myself :D "Crystallized osmium should only be purchased certified." There you go again telling customers what they should and shouldn't do. Tsk tsk tsk. Ethics. If people decide to fail they must be allowed to fail, even forceful protection is force. Or do you think somebody as unstable as me would be better off drugged up in a straightjacket "for my own safety"? Slippery slope Scarlett..... Deleted. Instead: "All officially bought crystalized osmium comes with an official certification in the central database and a Osmium Identification Code." "delivered to the customer by value courier. > delivered to the customer by a secured courier." Honestly i've got no idea what to put here but "value courier" is not a thing. I understand its trying to say, not just a normal courier, but i'm not entirely sure what it's commonly called in the states. Going with my best guess. "Delivery times for available goods can be very short and may only be one day" CHANGED INTO "Delivery times for goods in stock may be as short as one day". Seen any midget delivery times lately? Also, it's "may be only one day" - but then it still needs a +long. Rewriting the whole thing is faster. "Goods that have to be shipped across borders or need to be manufactured first may take up to three months to deliver." Very poor choice of words. CHANGED INTO: "Goods that have to be shipped across borders will take substantially longer; And goods that have to be manufactured first may take up to three months to deliver." So if the product is already made and just in another country, it'll take up to 3 months to get it? Seems pretty excessive don't you think? Sounds like you don't have your supply chain in order. "may take 3 months" means it could be a week.... but COULD also be 3 months for a simple shipment. By Sailboat. Via the wrong way around the planet. PAGE 59: " Allergic reactions are not known. > Allergic reactions have not been found". One implies you don't know if there's allergic reactions. The other says you've looked but not found any, which makes people feel safe. "As a fine powder or dust, metallic osmium is highly flammable" Now i'm wondering if its density wouldn't make it good rocketfuel xD Lets not explore that industrial use. "Osmium must not be heated above 400 °C to prevent the formation of osmium tetroxide (osmium tetroxide does not form at room temperature and temperatures below 400 °C)" AAAAAAAANDDDDD THIS IS WHY A SHIT TRANSLATION CAN HURT YOU! Americans are *the most litigious people* on the fucking planet. IF YOU FUCK UP HERE YOU MIGHT AS WELL PACK IN CAUSE THEY'LL SUE YOU FOR ALL YOU'RE WORTH, NO MATTER HOW GOOD OSMIUM IS! CHANGED INTO: "Crystalized Osmium must not be heated above 400 °C to prevent the formation of osmium tetroxide (osmium tetroxide does not form at room temperature and temperatures below 400 °C)" Be happy it was just a minor mistake and "osmium" covers "crystalized osmium", and i just wanted to scare you a little. But i'm serious - These aren't games. Every product sold in America looks like this: https://www.reddit.com/r/europe/comments/adika1/difference_between_eu_and_us_warning_labels/ If you neglect to mention people can cut themselves on the edges, they will deliberately slice themselves and sue you for $25 million - And you'll pay them because that's nothing compared to the damage the lawsuit does to your business. I've seen a picture of a dude standing below a very large rickety looking sign, and when asked why, he said "he was waiting for it to fall so he could sue the owner". I'm deadly serious these aren't games. Don't fuck up in the wrong place. "The formation of osmium tetroxide is indicated by a pungent chlorine-like odor." Now i'm not going to remove it here, cause it should be here, i'm just saying it being *here*, makes it being *everywhere else* redundant. Safety information is *not interesting for any customer* if you promote your asset as being "perfectly safe". It's only relevant to worksmen, and guess which section *they skip to* when they wanna know? PAGE 60: 10 to go! "Osmium data sheet in comparison with other precious metals" CHANGED INTO: "Precious metals comparison sheet" - all the other words are redundant. If you can: Short, Powerful, Impactful titles. NOTE: The melting point is listed as 3027C. Wikipedia says 3033C. One of these is wrong, and regardless of reality, wikipedia is where they'll look (IF they look cause who the hell looks this up). It's a minor difference to be sure, one nobody is going to care about, but it's one you should know about. I'm nothing if not thorough. Boiling point is the same. "Data such as the density of osmium are measured and may also be based on the calculation of the crystal structure; the values may differ." CHANGED INTO: "Data such as density is measured and based on the calculations of the crystalline structure; values may slightly differ." Osmium, redundant. Removal makes "the" and "of" redundant. Density IS measured. WTF do you mean, "may be" based on the calculation? Also, also. Also also; Calculation"S", unless you have a single one even though it may depend on the structure. Calculations are complex, so crystal"line" as it's fancy, and finally, values differ only SLIGHTLY - if they could vary wildly it makes the table useless to begin with. PAGE 61: "Osmium.info > Osmium.info/en/" Has no link, added in, and put in the English version as the default link. "All relevant information for retail sellers, wholesalers, and intermediary sales partners to pass the online test." CHANGED INTO "Contains all relevant information for retail sellers, wholesalers, and intermediary sales partners to pass the online partner test." Again, german statements, gotta tell em what its for. Also added another "partner" in next to test so no unobservant customers panic about some test. (EDIT: Seems i was tired and forgot to copy the fix. Found it on a 2nd pass though. Why? Original looked shit on the 2nd pass still. I don't need memory if i've got reality.) FIXED ALL 3 LINKS BECAUSE THEY ALL START AT THE S, AND NOT THE O, AND IT LOOKS STUPID. Total amateur hour. Also linked the english versions. "further information > Also contains further information" More statements. "It covers > Covers", This is worse then chance xD again, actively fucking up. Literally makes the same mistake in reverse - you can state what a link is about, but you have to define what it contains. Does that It refer to the institute, or the website? That second taken to make the decision is start and stop reading, while some will make the wrong call. Consistency - since the line above it starts with "A short explanation...." "Sign-in for new partners. > New partners can sign on here". First, statement. Second, if you're new - you sign on. If you're already onboard - you sign in. "On this website you can also enter referral codes and generate your own referral code." CHANGED INTO: "They can also enter referral codes and generate their own." Redundancy, and took out an enter to form a paragraph instead of two separate sentences, and You refers to the person reading this, who is not yet a partner. Finally, more redundancy. "for partners > for new partners" If you're gonna advertise your recruitment, advertise damnit. "end customers > end-customers" they're not customers at the end, they're end-of-chain-customers. You can't reach them directly so you're looking for partners to fill in the chain. Also, exclamation point to show excitement! PAGE 62: OK, SO: - Link no.1 wasn't there. - Link no.2-4 didn't have the first capital letter linked. - Link no.5 includes the 5. in it - Link no.6 misses the capital O again. - Link no.7 misses the capital B. - Links 8 to 12 are just plain missing; Including Osmium-Preis.com, which is literally one of the first websites i found. This is beyond bad. Now, maybe it's just libreoffice completely fucking up the formatting (which it only does to *poorly formatted* documents to begin with - AKA 72 pages of enters) - But it's still not good. And i don't see how it'd just delete half the links. Also - all the adresses are to the german defaults, and some of the websites don't have (clear) "select english" links, even though english versions exist. Fixed the lot, english defaults. (i don't see a way to click to the english version of osmium-tv.com. (didn't you guys get osmium.tv? Someone grabbed it: https://www.osmium.tv - This seems to be the site of the guy: http://www.pr3000.at/. Seems to run an ad agency, maybe you can work something out. IN GERMANY cause i'm gonna get the NA market for my troubles so help me) but http://osmium-tv.com/en/ still works. Same for osmium-dlc.com/en/.). Also did a general link pass on all links in the document. I've added links where they weren't available and changed links to the English default, as everything links to the default website - all in German. In PDF versions people can follow the links if they're added in (and in printed versions it just looks proffessional and thoughtful). ALSO changed all of the links from http:// to https://. The S stands for "Secure". Again, amateur hour over here. NOTE: THIS is why you do several "passes" of ANY document, each aimed *specifically* at a certain goal. Because if you work on something so long, you overlook things. That's why i have a "pictures" pass and a "link" pass, it's because during those passes, i consider *all other* info noise and filter it out. That is why my work is so high quality. I'm not god! I can't look everywhere at once! But i'm aware of it, so i don't try. On page 23: "www.osmium-preis.de", even though you have .com available. There's a GERMAN link in your ENGLISH brochure. And *even i* missed it on the first pass.... Because i was doing a "text" pass, which is the default mode most people operate in. Become aware of it - and it no longer becomes a problem. FINAL NOTE: Oh, and after i've copy and pasted links in Word, i also always go into my browser and paste it in there. If it doesn't work - i made a mistake. Catching mistakes early is the most profitable and least expensive thing you can imagine. And i just noticed *i* used "http" on page 27 in a link i already changed and added myself. MULTIPLE FOCUSED PASSES PEAPLE! GET IT RIGHT *ONCE* AND YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY AGAIN! INPUT THE EFFORT UPFRONT SO YOU DON'T SPEND EXPONENTIAL EFFORT FIXING IT LATER! (mah back is killin me). PS: On page 65 it also says osmium-preis.de between a bunch of .coms. I'm starting to think this is an *old* brochure. Make sure you keep your marketing materials UP TO DATE, ACROSS THE BOARD! ALWAYS! You look silly otherwise. Also: You can make an email adress a link too; opens up the computers email client if they use one. PAGE 62 CONTINUED (text run): "A website for sales partners for accounting and basic information" CHANGED INTO "A website for sales partners' accounting and basic information" for for. "basic information. Explanation of the > basic information, containing the explanation of the" German statement. "Password: “bigbang.” You know because of formatting it says big-bang, and that's confusing (maybe not before but after my changes, didn't look) Giving passwords and examples their own separate line anyway is good practice cause it saves people the trouble of looking through walls of text trying to remember the one wall it was located in. "Verification of the authenticity of osmium based on the comparison of the crystal structure of the actual osmium piece with the crystal structure as documented in the high-resolution photographs stored on the website once the Osmium Identification Code for a specific osmium piece is entered." That's a single sentence. Had to blink twice. CHANGED INTO: "Website that offers verification of the authenticity of osmium, based on the comparison of the crystalline structure of the piece to the high-resolution photographs in the database.". Lets break this down. First off, you can't start 5. with "a website" then start 6. with "Verification" - inconsistent. Both are possible, but not at the same time. Secondly it's just dumb the entire brochure's filled with unnecessary commas and then i find this on page 62. Third, "the actual osmium piece" is doubly redundant - "Actual" is just surperflous writing, while "osmium" is implied since the database can only verify osmium pieces. fourth, the second crystal structure is redundant and patronising, needing to explain everything all the time. Fifth, As documented is redundant too, because what else would be in the database. Sixth, "stored on the website" is a outright lie, they're in the database. Seventh, "for a specific osmium piece" is doubly redundant as well, as specific is the same as actual, and all pieces we've talked so far are implied to be osmium. Eigth, the entire section of "once the osmium identification code for a specific osmium piece is entered" is condescending and redundant, because you're not gonna get the data *until* the code is entered and this is understood by anybody who's ever used an account in their life, which at this point includes everybody up from 3 year olds. still a clusterfuck.... "An online shop for osmium and osmium jewelry. Access for sales partners. Branded shops for wholesale partners." CHANGED INTO "An online shop for osmium and osmium jewelry. Offers access for sales partners and branded shops for wholesale partners." You can't start off with a lead in and then just plomp down two statements. So very german. "and introduces the partners > and introduces partners" more modern english. "the" implies a set amount. Which is true at any given time, but that number also changes over time. "broadcasted as HD contributions and 4k TV > broadcasted in HD and 4k resolutions", have you heard of the emancipation proclamation's resolutions contributions? (hey when you're good with language you gotta have fun with it. I worked hard on that joke :D) "Passwords are available at the Osmium-Institutes and can be requested there." *SNIP* > moved it to under the actual osmium institutes links. It's like browsing the supermarket and finding cereal, milk, and mexical jalapeno's. On a stick. Lines up 10 nicely with the top of the page too. CHANGED INTO: "Website Passwords are available at the Osmium-Institutes and can be requested there." "A platform providing photographs, texts, flyers, video clips, brochures, posters, interviews" CHANGED INTO: "A platform providing photographs, texts, flyers, video clips, brochures, posters and interviews", THAT's a german statement too don't think i don't know! "are available for download. > are available for download here." And that's just nicer. PAGE 63: "This website lists all jewelers trading with osmium internationally." CHANGED INTO: "This website lists all jewelers trading internationally with osmium.", another one of those things you just know as a native english speaker (or are as practiced as i am). The jewelers are not going around internationally WITH osmium to trade. They're going around internationally to trade IN osmium. IF they are trading internationally, THEN they are doing so WITH osmium. "This website lists all jewelers trading internationally with osmium. Contains Information on processing, protection, and setting of osmium. Always up to date photographs of new creations and products in the osmium jewelry market. FRESH FISH! CARP! HALIBUT! AVAILABLE HERE! FRESH FISH! Are you trying to sell this thing as if you're on a market selling fish? CHANGED INTO: "This website lists all jewelers trading internationally with osmium, and contains Information on processing, protection, and setting of osmium; as well as always up to date photographs of new creations and products in the osmium jewelry market." That is also how you make a pleasant and elegant to read long sentence by the way, referencing the monstrosity above. Master these small changes and you can get people hooked easy. 11. starts with "This website" btw. I mean he's used statements this entire time, why the descriptive term now? It's all so bloody random. "price for all denominations > price in all denominations." you denominate a price IN currency. "The price can be displayed in different currencies." DELETED! instead:"denominations, which the website can show." PAGE 64: "Facebook pages with events, news and the opportunity to contact us" CHANGED INTO "Facebook page with events and news:" and added a link. "Instagram account with photographs from the world of osmium and our culturally diverse osmium faces" DELETED! 2 reasons: 1. The instagram account is gone AND THAT IS WHY YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR GODDAMN MATERIALS UP TO DATE! 2. i know why it's gone too. "our culturally diverse osmium faces". It's that world war 2 guilt isn't it? Get woke, go broke. It's real. "culturally diverse osmium faces" IS EXTREMELY RACIST. "jewelers, faces > jewelers." Ingo has a face fetish doesn't he? Trust me that's how it looks at this point. It's extremely awkward. "i-frames > API's" AGAIN this has to be changed if it's actually called "i-frames", i've never heard of that term, industry standard for database hookins is API." Added picture subtext. PAGE 65: "monopoly disclosure" oh now we're gonna get to the good part. https://www.classlawgroup.com/antitrust/unlawful-practices/monopoly/ "A monopoly is when a company has exclusive control over a good or service in a particular market. Not all monopolies are illegal. For example, businesses might legally corner their market if they produce a superior product or are well managed. Antitrust law doesn’t penalize successful companies just for being successful. Competitors may be at a legitimate disadvantage if their product or service is inferior to the monopolist’s. But monopolies are illegal if they are established or maintained through improper conduct, such as exclusionary or predatory acts. This is known as anticompetitive monopolization." You're a bunch of racist bastards who run a multilevel marketing scheme to pump the centrally fixed price via a cartel structure and send their wholesalers out in the field with material bad enough to ruin their reputation, with confirmed problems all over the globe. Do you think your conduct is still proper? I understand the lack of value as well as value itself. Be glad i know a good person when i see one. You've not gone down the slippery slope. You're 75% down to the bottom. Slide any further, i will destroy you, for the good of society. "The German “Osmium-Institut für Inverkehrbringen und Zertifizierung von Osmium GmbH” has concluded an exclusive agreement with the supplier in Switzerland without any time limitations." You have a boss too. If i take my research to them, you will lose your license immediately. Think long and hard about your actions after reading this document in full. Deleting everything before the line "This monopoly disclosure relates solely to crystalline osmium." because that line literally makes everything above it repetative and redundant. You people have got a massive padding problem. "for the German Osmium-Institute mentioned above" - DELETED, redundant and condescending considering you LITERALLY MENTIONED IT THE SENTENCE BEFORE. Think i've got a memory of a second or something? Also you mention the institute, BY NAME, at the start of the next sentence. Patronising. "The employees of the institute have the obligation to act according to strict scientific principles" THATS JUST PART OF "THE MYTH SURROUNDING OSMIUM." God you people are in so much trouble. "in addition," deleted, not really needed. " in which high-resolution photographs of the osmium pieces in circulation can be searched internationally" CHANGED INTO: " in which high-resolution photographs of the osmium pieces in circulation can be found". You don't search the pictures you search the code, and internationally is condescending cause it implies i don't know the ONLINE database is international. Also that makes it redundant and padding. It made worse by the way that it's followed with "The purpose of the database", and "online databases" are 99/100 times "searchable internationally". Only region locking would prevent it. So you *actually* emphasize the condescending behaviour. That's what i mean by "being harmful to sales". PAGE 69 (nice): THE END, and thank god for that. .......the picture needs subtext FUCK. "Notes" is an entire page filled with enters BTW. We literally got told not to do that first year IT college. You know what the first exam in that first year of that college consisted of? "Create a file structure". No, not programming... Making new folders in windows explorer, and not naming them randomly. If you put something like that out, you show that you're below that level, and obviously that reflects badly on your reputation, and harms sales. I'm going to *assume* you guys had atleast the foresight to PDF everything before releasing it. If that assumption is wrong... i really don't wanna know. i really, really, really don't wanna know either way. Added a few spaces to the adress page, bolded the subtitles, removed the headline and respaced everything to make it immediately obvious. You want adresses, examples, and all other important information to "pop". -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2ND DRAFT: So, to protect myself from further harm, i'm not gonna do my usual "2nd draft" to explain things better of the changelog. I can already feel the reprecussions of this adventure in my body, and while i know *exactly* how far i can push things before it becomes dangerous, as i've been forced to do so by people *exactly like you* all my life. What? You thought i was hurt by "evil" people? No, all my trauma comes from normal people neglecting their social duties. You have been no different. But - wether this is salvagable depends on your next actions: Change nothing; and i'll have killed the institute before July, again for the good of society. I am the premier researcher on the effects of central price manipulation of the gold price, i stand to gain alot of reputation from exposing all of this publicly BEFORE it hurts somebody really badly this time, so i have no financial motive to not-do-so, and every financial motive to expose all of this. There is no amount of money you could possibly pay me that equates to that reputational boon this early in my career. Change everything; and i'll gladly help you do it every step of the way. I'll work hard and fast, THIS TIME without actually sustaining damage (i went upto 13,6k words per day to do this in terms of productivity (new record btw! +36%!) - i start sustaining damage by sustaining 7,000 a day for more then a week, and i can keep up 4,000-5,000 words a day indefinitely. Even enjoy it like a puppy chasing a ball ^_^ Hey, i might have a very high IQ with very strong emotions, i also have a tested EQ of 70, so they're considerably..... simple (yes i'm literally a retard and a genius at the same time)) Aside from just straight up saying you *need* to follow ALL my recommendations on the brochure (and the preliminary marketing review) FOR YOUR OWN GODDAMN SAFETY, and you *NEED TO PRIORITIZE THIS NUMBER ONE!* Even if you in your darkest heart of hearts just wanna be fucking rich - i'm telling you, *not following ANY of my reccommendations* will >hurt< sales. Selling isn't *just* about finding new customers and getting them to buy once yknow. It's STRATEGY. Tactics. Planning. Research. Logic. Reason. And if you want to do it Ethically: Empathy. You guys have completely left Empathy out of every facet of the organization. No. Promising people alot of money if they work hard isn't empathy. Fair compensation is empathy, and that includes TIME compensation. Empathy is realizing when your employee is given too much work, they need help, and that help has to come in additional expenditures for staff. If you cannot afford those expenditures when your employee becomes overworked - then your business is rife with inefficiency or your product is crap. Osmium is great and i'm totally in love with the jewelry scarlett makes (which has never happened before in terms of jewelry - always thought it was stupid) so it's not the product. in this case it means the inefficiency is located in the representation of the product. Clearly. Further more i reccommend.... that you hire me. And i don't like that. Not one bit. This is going to put a large strain on my reputation unless i do it absolutely right. FULL transparency, and an issued apologee for the quality of the previous materials, BECAUSE THE MOMENT PEOPLE HAVE SOMETHING GOOD TO COMPARE THE OLD BROCHURE TO - WHICH IS OUT THERE AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE ONE WILL POP UP IN A FEW YEARS - THEY ARE GONNA KNOW! RULE NUMBER ONE OF USING THE INTERNET: THE INTERNET NEVER FORGETS! *even i* have no vision on how or when that "culturally diverse faces" statement is going to come back to haunt you. Pray the day never comes, and i'm sure as shit never gonna mention it to anyone ever again outside of Lynne, as she is as i said my confidant in these matters. IF IT DOES - Apologize and being truthful it is your only hope. "We were ill informed as to the effects of our inclusion policy and we sincerly and deeply apologize for a mistake left over from a hasty startup period, that we have rectified since, and promise to never make again." You *really* wanna write that sentence down somewhere where you don't lose it. I'm deadly serious about that, both Scarlett and Ingo. You might even wanna straight up memorize it cause it's the best get-out-of-jail-free card i can give you guys at this point. I know Mass Human Behaviour, Group Think and Group Dynamics as well. Better then anyone. I just haven't written the book yet because it's incredibly dangerous info that could easily lead to the next hitler if it isn't packaged correctly. If somebody knows how to sell everything... they also know how to sell the wrong thing. I'm going to run through the brochure for a 2nd and 3rd draft now. For teaching purposes, i'll list my changes below. Because you'll see that Writing is Removing, *even someone as observant as me makes mistakes all the time* (understand that i don't like highlighting my own mistakes due to my storied history - But atleast i've got the balls to do so if it teaches somebody something); And i edit my own stuff *ALOT*. So far, as i was writing all of this, i was also reading the brochure with completely fresh eyes as i hadn't looked through it yet before translating and looking at the text thoroughly. Now, i'm going to see what pops up top to bottom, pass 2: PAGE 1: ...twas empty. Deleted. See? never checked cause i started at the text. Down to 68 pages, 7923 words at the moment. That's only +73 on your man. Like i said. It's not about wordcount. It's about how you spend it. ... ALSO this is gonna mess up my pagecount xD FUCK TITLE PAGE: Didn't see it yet cause i'm working in zoomed in view. "Embark on an exciting journey into the new world of precious metals" you've got a flaw in your main fucking title. "The world of precious metals isn't new". You're just adding to it. This is a picture, so i can't change it, but what it SHOULD say is: "The rarest nobel metal is on the rise!" ALSO: OSMIUM. SUNSHINE ELEMENT. YOU KNOW WHAT THE FOOTER IS ON EVERY SINGLE PAGE?!?!?!? "Osmium – THE Sunshine Element" That just makes you look so incredibly dumb. To non-english speakers it's fine because they don't hear the words - they hear their own native language in their head after translation. But for english readers, it sounds like they're cussing themselves out continuously, and they get put off tremendously. And yeah, i'm not stupid, i know ingo has written this. His name's on the cover (which i didn't see until now but c'mon). I don't care. I >asked scarlett< who had written this, and she has not given me any answer except "Ingo has a fragile ego and you need to watch your language around him". Though to be fair i stopped reading replies a while ago cause i can guess what's in them by now, kind people are dead easy to read that's why they keep getting taken advantage of. Trust me i know. Don't be scared to lose a job. If Ingo's really that fragile that he'll Scarlett over this - He'll lose the only person keeping this shitshow together and he deserves to fail. THAT is how shit like this gets put out and now ingo looks like a jackass infront of everybody. THAT is what is called "a good intention pavestone" in "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". It comes from a good place. We all know it. BUT WORDS HURT LESS THEN ACTIONS AND FRIENDS LET FRIENDS KNOW WHEN SHIT IS UP! YOU CAN TAKE BACK WORDS BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE BACK A BROCHURE PUBLISHED YEARS AGO!!!! Remember that i believe in second chances though. I really do. I strongly, strongly believe that "Less Love is NEVER the answer. Only More Love Works". An apologee does wonders if it comes from a place of regret. (which btw are another 2 very strong wisdoms i'm gonna add to the list of wisdoms i've been collecting over months for a Tshirt line as streamer merch :D As you can see i cannot help myself but be successfull at this point ^_^ I swear to god i'm slowly becoming Gomez Adams. Superweird but (eventually) so bad at failing his only failure is the inability to fail (that movie was amazing tho)) Also, despite all my dire warnings - for now *the *actual damage* remains quite minimal*. There's a reason i didn't waste any time in writing this: I have the capacity to be faster then anybody else. Just like i've beaten english investors to osmium, i will have beaten all other people to the punch when it comes to all of these realizations. And i have no intention of sharing them with anybody except Ingo, Scarlett, Lynne and myself (well - other then rants that it's been "so bad" and "i'm so fucking stressed cause of this" to my friends. If i don't have outlets i really will kill myself. no specifics tho). Change things as rapidly as i found them, and no one will be the wiser. Trust me - I'm incredibly thankful my teenage years took place BEFORE youtube was invented <( ^_^)< ^( ^_^ )^ >(^_^ )> Continuing on: PAGE 3: Forgot picture subtext; added. Also mentioning the HORRIBLE WORD ART TITLE again. Still looks like 1993. PAGE 4: "gives you insight into > gives you insights into", you're going to handle multiple subjects. "": "osmium’s" Not sure if it should be apostrophed, my best guess so leaving it in. PAGE 5: Replacing „ with " where ever i find it on this pass. English speaking world doesn't use the lower variant. "": "recognition for crystalline osmium. > recognition of crystalline osmium." I changed "of" to "for" on the first pass, but on a second pass, i changed "for" back to "of" out of instinct as i obviously can't remember my logic after this much time. Since i wasn't sure, i went back and read my original comment. Weighing the two options against eachother, in the context of the full paragraph as is - so not edited sentence by sentence - "of" sounds more natural. I've deleted my original comment under "PAGE 6" out of fairness and i'm leaving "of" in. I wanted to specifically (heheh) highlight that action. Because it shows you what is possible if you're willing to waste no time admitting your own mistakes: Instant quality. I have not suffered mentally from this specific action at all - i've been admitting to my mistakes for a long time and am fine with making them. The reason i seem smart is because i just do that alot more often then others, so i never get stuck like them and instantly upgrade to an extreme level of quality. Continuing on. PAGE 5: "the authenticity of osmium > the authenticity of crystalized osmium" no need to verify the base metal when you're talking about the OIC. When not - maybe. Though you should make clear wether purity is the mine's responsibilty or not. Now that i think about it - there isn't a single mention in the entire document about what purity the manufacturing facility recieves their osmium in. Is it 99,9995% pure when it leaves the mines? Is it a function of the purity burning away impurities because of its high temperature? That'd be my guess. But i'm not gonna write actual interesting facts about osmium down - Ironically that is Ingo's exact job. PAGE 7: My instincts just gave me a signal that "i'm not happy with the way this is written". That signal basically says "rewrite". I was anticipating this - there's only so much you can polish a turd. Now, i *will* write you a A+ 11/10 BITCHING brochure. But that takes a month or three to collect ideas for - This is an emergency fix. Still it is important as a writer to recognise these signals. >If you aren't happy with the quality, start again<. I've got a sneaking suspicion ingo would've never perfected the process if he didn't do the exact same thing with steps of the crystalization process that "just weren't good enough! It's not good enough goddamn it has to be better!" so i'm pretty sure he already has the mechanics available to him to do this effectively. It's just a manner of collecting the dots and realizing there's more then one way to skin a cat. Scarlett should employ a different tactic: Her work is exceedingly elegant. She shouldn't accept her writing quality as long as, while she's reading the text, her artistic instincts tell her "no.... no this is just not elegant enough... It doesn't flow. It has to flow... where's the blockage?". It's not too dissimilar to my own technique ^_^ continuing on. PAGE 7: "Osmium is used in the jewelry market exclusively in its crystalline form." CHANGED INTO "Osmium is used in the jewelry market exclusively as crystals, in semi- and fully-manufactured forms." AAAAND now that i've got the knowledge of the FULL document lodged squarely in my head, with the context fully grasped - I can start actually improving the information feed where it counts. Multiple passes ^_^ CAN YOU SEE AND FEEL HOW I'M JUST SO MUCH MORE HAPPY TO WORK THROUGH MY OWN MISTAKES THEN INGOS?! i truly hope you've read with full attention upto now. I can't give a better education in how i am and how humans are affected by the wrong words then this document. My feelings are stronger, so i react faster and harder.... But they're not different in context. If anything, they're exceedingly basic, which also makes them exceedingly clear. Many people have told me i don't know how i feel. I've come to understand - that's projection. My feelings are stupid, and thus were easy to figure out once i quantified emotional intensity and realized the spread between me and normal people. Yeah, no manual for that, so. If you think i've suffered writing this document..... HAHAHHAHAHAHA bitch this is a monday for me. Oh sure i've never been this exhausted before.... But i'm *not even close* to any sort of permanent damage or point of no return, things i've been stacking btw so i'm well familiar. I have a whole *arsenal* of ways to destress and decompress, Much healthier ways then the things i need to do to "watercool" the ol' fusion reactor running at 125% capacity. Tools i will utilize to be fit for duty by January 16th, no problem. Just need to cry a few times, and i can already feel it built up between my eyeballs. Just another Tuesday for me. CONTINUING. PAGE 7: "osmium is available > osmium has been available" did i forget to copy the fix? No way i didn't catch that the first time...... Eh i don't care. "": "it is".... i could contract, but i won't, cause "it is" reads nicer. "": "Available in the form of divisible bars. > of divisible Osmium Splitbars™." Huh? Huh? C'mon see that's a good idea. 2nd pass baby, yeah. "": "The New Precious Metal> The New, and Last, Precious Metal", advertising upgrade thanks to additional knowledge. PAGE 8: "10,000 tonnes of platinum ore need to > 10,000 tonnes of platinum ore needs to" Many ores, not one ore. "": "When platinum mining decreases, osmium becomes even rarer. > When platinum mining decreases, osmium mining decreases with it.", Replaced faulty logic with true Logic (if>then - If platinum mining decreases, then the osmium already mined becomes more rarer). "": "Part of this quantity > Only parts of this quantity" German statement. I've read so many of them now that i'm starting to catch the less obvious early ones. That's training too. I might actually start calling this "German Statement" in teaching materials - but i won't tell where its from don't worry. "Only parts of this quantity is available for crystallization." .........hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm "Only parts of this material is available for crystallization." Took a minute to ponder. This is better. Writing (and advertising by extention) is like composition. It's not hard to make a good text (as a native english speaker!) but to make a great text, you need to abandon the good stuff and go for the great stuff - And develop methods for enhancing that process, like my triple pass process. "To transport 10,000 ore of platnum requires 25 completely filled 400-ton Caterpillar 797 trucks, the largest mining truck costing ~$5 million each." Because it took a while to get back here, and the first draft is always a continuous thought, i'd forgotten i put that in there. So when i just read it now for the 2nd time, with fresh eyes.... I was like "Hah that's awesome... hey wait i wrote that". Good test of a good fact; forgetting it and being amazed twice. "One ounce of osmium fits into the volume of a single sugar cube. Approximately 9 m³ of osmium is available worldwide." Not an interesting fact. You know why? I have *no* relative size anchor. The Sugar cube works - But i have NO idea of the relative size difference between 1 centimeter cubed and 9 meter cubed. They're two different units of measurement - centimeter and meter cubed - even when CM is not mentioned, no one measures sugar cubes in meters, so that's what people THINK of. You know why Ingo THINKS this is an interesting fact? Because he's so fucking embedded in volume calculations he doesn't even have to close his eyes anymore to IMAGINE - THINK OF - the relative size difference. This is your problem with your *ENTIRE* organization. Everything comes from the mind of one man - including all the mistakes - and they are *very* consistent allowing me to completely profile ingo just from this brochure alone.... And others can do that too. And because that one man has become feared instead of loved, no one tells him the truth anymore, making the mistakes compound both by the mistakes already made, the new mistakes made ontop of that, and the further expansion of Ingo's ego as he only sees success after success while his organization, like fish, rots from the head on down. That's why sometimes... you HAVE to be *ruthless* in business. Because reality IS ruthless. And if you don't give reality its due payment - the void shall extract it from you. I'm leaving the fact in. At this point, Ingo should be aware of his failings, so i'm sure he can come up with a few more interesting ones. No need to hammer home a point. And yes - i don't expect the point to have hit home until you guys started seeing me critique my *own* work, which after having spent so much ungodly effort on the first draft - still is laden with errors. Hence - 3 drafts, always. And honesty - Always - Even in the face of apocalypse. ......i can recommend smoking weed for the nerves. Good ol' Dutch Courage. ANYWAYS, continuing. "Approximately 2 m³ of this is mineable and recoverable. That’s about 44,000 kg of osmium." See, relative size. But that's why you should combine "both" facts into one, because really... it's one fact. PAGE 9: "an edge length of 24 meters" SAME thing. *I NEVER WORK WITH EDGE LENGTHS*. The carpenters will be *facinated* though. Again i'm not gonna replace this - its up to ingo at this point. "": " an edge length of only 2.1 meters!" same thing. I get it's alot shorter. I just have no idea how much shorter. Could've just said 12 times as short. But then that messes up the volume doesn't it? Not that the idiots reading this will know - they don't take the time to think these things. They read, and go. Read, and go. You only get 1 chance to make the information stick, and it has to happen within 1 second. Edge length, doesn't stick. "There is less than 9 m³ of osmium compared to roughly 13.800 m³ of gold" THIS is useful. Direct comparison. "gold is thus 1,500 times more prevalent in the earths crust than osmium." STILL a confusing fact. I've seen "a 1000 times more rare then gold" mentioned more often and honestly, it's a better sell, aside that 1000 sounds better then 1500 and it might people curious enough to ask "why" - they ask questions, they are engaging, they are receptive. (And never forget that Burger King made a 1/3rd pound burger in the US and it failed miserably because Americans thought 1/4th of a pound was more then 1/3rd of a pound. No i'm not kidding. Real story, go google it. No IQ test required to hold a wallet though). Recommend changing this, true or not. PAGE 10: Picture has no undertext but the formatting is unfavorable so i'm leaving it like that. PAGE 11: "we speak of osmium not as a shortage > we speak of osmium not in terms of shortages" One does in fact never speak of osmium as "a shortage". I haven't seen any corn crop failures cause an osmium of corn. PAGE 12: “the generation metal”, added quotation marks for a name. "": the next generation's metal. - did the reverse. "All of this is irrespective of developments in the overall economy such as expectations of inflation or a desire for the safety of precious metals. These developments are sure to drive demand, maybe to the point of causing The Osmium Big Bang ahead of schedule." god fuck whenever it's a longer text i can still see the difference between my and Ingo's writing. The logical structure of my writing is far more natural, because my genius is in the area of logic, and it shows. *i simply cannot run as slow as ingo* as a writer, because it's all i've done for years and he... well has done other excellent work. Consistency will be an issue... But it'll do for now. if anybody notices 95% will think "it just reads a bit awkward". Not bad. Not great. "; And the most expensive." i read that for a second time... it's still good marketing. BENEFITS OF BEING TRUTHFUL TO YOURSELF! i *KNOW* that one little bit is just one killer piece of marketing genius. I feel bad when i make mistakes - but i feel EXTREMELY GOOD when i hit a homerun, because i have the security that i'm not lying to myself. "heavy core in a bar. > heavy core within a bar." Cosmetic upgrade. PAGE 15: This results in opportunities for osmium owners: Don't think i'll forget there was a sentence under there saying "please hodl and make me more money". "You > you", used to be the start of a sentence and i forgot to delete the capital. PAGE 17: "The enthusiasm for osmium is growing steadily and internationally!" added an exclamation mark for.... enthusiasm. PAGE 18: "This brand name may ring a bell: “OSRAM“?" CHANGED INTO "Have you ever heard of “OSRAM“?" Because i'm trained to detect patronising behaviour now too, the title is patronising. You see; If the brand name DOESN'T ring a bell.... the person feels intellectually inferior. Because you COULD'VE (>may) known. You just didn't. Cause you were stupid. Remember the law of averages: For a brochure, you shouldn't think in "well i didn't see a problem with this". You need to think of ALL the eyes that will see it. If you expect 10,000 people to see this brochure, and 50 notice and are put off by it - THATS 50 LOST CUSTOMERS!!!!! If you then have a second mistake that puts off just another 50 customers, you're not at 10,000 - 50... It's 10,000 -50 -50. That's why mistakes start to compound - You can only lose people once. NEVER, NOT EVER, make your customers feel stupid. And whenever you can - make em feel smart. Doesn't matter that YOU are the one with intelligence in sales - THEY have the money, and YOU are trying to get it. Be nice. Emperor quotation fixed. I'm still not happy with it, but whatever. Minor issue at this point. Another important aspect: Don't dwell on your mistakes too long. There's always the next rewrite. Getting stuck harms you more then Minor mistakes - as long as you fix all the major ones. Trying to achieve perfection just leads to more hedging bets. PAGE 19: "From 2014 onward..." still fucking redundant but fixing it fucks the formatting and consistency of the text. That's why sometimes you just toss things in the trash completely; And its what i would've done if i didn't see this as a MUCH NEEDED learning opportunity. If it wouldn't allowed me to fix everything as well as bring this ENTIRE orginazation up to a decent standard in one fell swoop - i would've ritually burned it. And that's the kind thing, the nasty thing would be sending it around to all my friends and making fun of it (feel free to go see reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets if you wanna know what kind of market you're stepping into here). If they discover this brochure they'll shit in your mouth, with glee. GO WATCH "the wolf on wallstreet" - AGAIN if you have already. THAT is what the ENTIRE market is like right now, times 10. You are not ready. PAGE 19: "Of course, gold and silver have been known since antiquity and have long been the only reliable means of payment." CHANGED INTO: "Of course, gold and silver have been known since antiquity as means of payment". It's *not* the only reliable means of payment, England ran a Wooden split-tally stick system from 1100 to 1800ish. Never a single forgery. Know what replaced wood? Gold, at the request of those lovely trustworthy fellas The Bank of England. Regardless the sentence was touching the bottom of the paper, i didn't like that, so i wanted to see if i could shorten something and thats why i reconsidered the sentences 3-4 times extra :D NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF ALL INNOVATION! PAGE 20: " price explosion!" added excitement. PAGE 21: "non-toxic" added a dash. "": "Even without the Osmium Big Bang happening > Even without the Osmium Big Bang," If you HAVE the bigbang, then it IS happening. Redundant. PAGE 22: "rates. Osmium" Combined sentences into paragraph, because "sold plus VAT" isn't that important or interesting, and combining the sentances fixes the layout: It makes sure the paragraph below it is contained fully within the same page, which makes for alot easier reading, as people don't have to idle a thought but can just close it off and move into memory while then turn the page - also makes it stick better. PAGE 23: "securely. While " added the word on the wrong sentence, fixed. "": "the most effective way to sell osmium is through jewellers who process osmium." CHANGED INTO: "Until a secondary market is created through increasing demand, the most effective way to sell osmium is through jewellers who process osmium.", Not any less true, and it's important to realize that the one question i've had the most by all people, EVEN WHEN TALKING ABOUT FUCKING PHYSICAL SILVER, is "where do i sell it?". Offering them possibilities upfront helps, people understand things are early days (infact they like it cause that's why the profits will be massive) and you might even trigger one or two to think "It doesn't exist?.... Can i make it?" Cause that's exactly what i thought when i was brought onboard :D I already bought the domains for that btw. That's impossible to stop wether the institute collapses or not and wether you fire me or not. If you refuse to sell to me, i immediately will go to the authorities to decry anti-competition, and i'll be right too. I could prove that in approximately 15 seconds to any authority at this point. You guys have no idea of the fire you've been playing with and consider yourselves lucky it's only first degree heat, cause i *could* go nuclear if you say the wrong things. No threats - you've read my background. You signed on to me just as much as i signed onto you. Takes two to contract! (oh yeah you have no idea what knowing about that 9 page background and being excited for it has given me in terms of power to sue the shit out of you. I've broken atleast a dozen Dutch labor laws - on your watch. Again - be very happy i've got an extremely litigious mother who sued my father from age 12 to age 18 to force me to move back in with her against my extensive and explicit wishes, just cause she didn't want my father to have me. It's made me experienced in legal strategy.... and come to very much hate legal proceedings so i'd rather not, i'd really, really rather not. Don't think 9 pages was enough to learn me. You need about a million). Because of this history, i'm constantly on guard and protecting myself. And it's damn good i did. MOVING ON. PAGE 24: "inevitably > invariably" cosmetic upgrade. PAGE 25: ALRIGHT this is the interesting one isn't it? The one i made from scratch. How's *my* first draft? "a Non-Deprecating Asset > a “Non-Deprecating Asset”", Added quotations for emphasis that this is something special. No need to explain to them why gold is one too then. It'll be inferred, and by the time people start asking questions, they'll have moved on. "it is a thousand times more rare" << Repetative, but, allowed because the first use is as picture subtext. You read that separately before the title, and since the title is a statement, it "closes off" the information absorbed before it, making it a repetition... But not repetative. EVEN THOUGH "a thousand times" is repeated again after - but then it references labor, not rarity. Because the Reference changes, the meaning changes, and it is not repetative. In music, whether or not a chord sounds good, is determined by the chord before AND after the one you hear. Same thing with all creative arts: Lingering Perception Matters. "will millionaires and billionaires compress > will be able to compress" added for clarity and ease of reading. Elegance, not wordcount. "Just as a bar of gold allows the wealthy to compress a warehouse of printed currency bills inside a single bar of metal, so too in the very near future, will millionaires and billionaires will be able to compress a hard to secure warehouse full of heavy and cumbersome metal within a few easily secured and transported disks of osmium." That's one sentence. Bet you didn't notice at first. It's probably the longest sentence in the document. Elegance - not wordcount. "experts, and", even though it's the first and, because usually you don't use a comma before the first and, it becomes emphasized in your head. Osmium knowledge, Talk to experts, AND get answers! So that's why its in. "wholesalers, and customers > wholesalers and customers" same reason as above, only the reverse. PAGE 30: The fucking face still creeps me out. I'm not kidding about the faces either. Get rid of them, or reduce the frequency. I'm not the only one who can draw the conclusion that Ingo's got a fetish for pretty women's faces. Whether that is true or not doesn't matter. You don't even wanna start about how fucked up i am so i really don't care either way, but your customers will, eventually. IF Ingo gets a reputation for being a womanizer and using his position of power to get pretty models to pose for him for assinine reasons (and gluing osmium to faces IS VERY ASSININE).... The company is finished. In this day and age, even *i* wouldn't be able to pull you back from that. Not at his age. Dirty old man is impossible to get rid of as you're not gonna get any younger. I swear i haven't even considered using that as a tactic to bring the company down in case you guys screw me. I seriously wouldn't even do that to my worst enemy. You guys need to know though.... the bad side of my instincts are telling me i could have ingo kill himself after a month or 3 of being hounded by #metoo femnazies. Competitors will get this idea too. And you DO have competition on the American market. You've been thinking your technological monopoly makes you safe, but you couldn't be further from the truth. If i was a ruthless businessman out to make a buck, i would short osmium (take out a loan and buy osmium with it, now i'm "short cash"), point ALL of this out in the public arena, wait for the inevitable scandal to drop the Osmium price, then i'd sell and take my profits. Doesn't have to be much, few ten thousand will do for a man's life. Then i'd just find the next loser who doesn't know what he's messing with. That's not my thinking. I'm still typing massive amounts here. But it *is* reality. You two (ingo and scarlett) are far too decent, and by far not *hard* enough. Others already are, so don't think you've got time or protection. PAGE 32: GET RID OF THE FUCKING FACES! AGAIN! LOOK HOW SMALL YOUR ASSET IS ON THE FUCKING PHOTO! There is *NO* doubt what the creator of the document was looking at. Because it's LITERALLY JUST A PICTURE OF A SEXY WOMAN! Perv. PAGE 33: The second interesting one! What are the results? "This way, the 500 ounces of silver > This way, ounces of silver" What are you, a fucking moron? If you've got 1,25 grams of Osmium, then you can't spend that money again on 500 ounces of silver for food. Idjet. Also also, Could > Can. More definitive. You CAN save ounces of silver for food..... IF you have osmium. "with an asset that > with value that" Ok, so there's rookie mistakes, there's high level changes, and there's master level. This is a master level change. "assets immediately with an asset" is STILL jarring.... but only a little bit, and it makes alot of sense. Leaving it be would be good. Changing it to value makes it great. It's *less* descriptive then "an asset". And you would think more clarity is better, but you'd be wrong. Sometimes, a little bit of mystery can go a long way. Read the sentence in full: "Osmium Splitbars™ offer the answer to settle debts and buy assets immediately with value that is as good as gold" What does Value reference in this sentence? Osmium Splitbars. Because saying "with value" is "a little bit weird", it is dissonant. In classical composition, dissonants need to be resolved down: C-E-G-B makes the B dissonate with the C. As per the rules, the B needs to drop to an A - So the next chord *HAS* to contain the note A - otherwise the music doesn't sound good, or, something else sounds better. In this case, it's the same thing. "With value" is a dissonant. It doesn't sound quite....right. Humans get used to something quite easily, and if you've been reading a text for a while, you tend to "wander off" with your mind. So the dissonance shakes them up *just a little*, enough for their brain to go "...value? What value? OH the splitbars". And now.... You've made a connection in a human's brain between your product's brandname, and the definition of value. *humanity is so lucky my alignment went from good to neutral, and not evil* THIS IS WHY MY SHIT IS SUCH FUCKING HIGH QUALITY! BECAUSE THE FIRST DRAFT IS GOOD, THE SECOND DRAFT IMPROVES IT, AND THE THIRD WILL MAKE IT GREAT. BECAUSE EVERY STEP GIVES ME >>>>THE GODDAMN TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT!!!<<<<< WHY DO YOU PEOPLE THINK I KEEP SAYING ON TWITTER OVER AND OVER "Everybody's so busy these days...." Well. Y'all are. You should learn to delegate. Continuing on. PAGE 34: "Flat osmium shaped as a sitting cat." don't like this. Still something wrong. Might just be exhaustion though.... at this point i start overthinking things, and it's a weakness i gotta keep into account. PAGE 38: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA I'd actually forgotten i'd gotten tired of your shit and said deal with it. HAH that cheers me up, actually. Thanks past me. Note i did skip 4 pages without a comment. All good ^_^ Getting there! PAGE 39: "safe place instead until its > safe place until" Still finding redundancy and double redudancy. Added: " It cannot be bent back after being bent once." I remember that from the meeting. See, i do hold info, just gotta have signifcance. PAGE 42: STILL not sure about "Solid" or "Hollow", but it's gotta be one of them. "For chains, the sphere’s hole - which is usually approx. 2mm in size and used to place the sphere on for crystalization - is extended to to a tube shape, or “cannulation”." No error, just wanna gloat cause i *do* remember fixing that mess. "increasing number of pearls > increasing numbers of pearls" Feels like i changed that once before. Musta forgotten to transfer the changelog's change. PAGE 45: "Blockchain technology is being prepared to make the code even more secure." ADVERTISE THE SHIT OUT OF THIS YOU BASTARDS PAGE 46: "by entering the OIC in the database search field any osmium owner can see a current price of his or her osmium in local currency" CHANGED INTO: "by searing the OIC in the database any osmium owner can see a current price of his or her osmium in local currency" Still picking up incredibly condescending stuff. "Place the mouse in the top right corner". Where else am i gonna enter the OIC? On the keypad of my pipebomb?! WHO are you talking to here? 70 year old grandmas? MARKETING 101: KNOW. YOUR. AUDIENCE. PAGE 47: Every single photographer that walks this planet knows: You place the subject of the shot in the center. The center of the image is the model's left eye. You can't fool me with making her out of focus. This isn't a picture of jewelry it's a picture of a pretty girl. Again - if i post those findings on the internet Ingo's gonna be fucking ruined. Guess where this brochure is located. "The Owner Change Code is also used to change ownership during storage or processing. This can be done multiple times during processing." CHANGED INTO: The Owner Change Code is also used to change ownership during storage or processing, and this can be done multiple times during processing." I can remember being really fucked up while changing that the first time. Upgraded it to more easy reading. PAGE 51: "Osmium is extracted as osmium sponge" Shouldn't that be "as an"? Changing it. PAGE 53: "which is unusual even for precious metals! > which is unusual, even for precious metals!" excessive comma use added for emphasis. It's unusual; EVEN for precious metals! PAGE 54: "Gold can be counterfeited by enclosing a tungsten" I remember changing that too. This reads so much nicer... (may have had alot to smoke and am very tired, traded the drum and bass for chill music. Still better then you assholes though!). "in exactly the same way. > in the exact same way." Better english. "because the crystallization can never be repeated > because the crystallization can never be achieved" might as well upgrade that one too then. "space age alloys expensive in their own right can withstand that heat." Yknow why i changed it to that?: https://www.alkane.com.au/hafnium-youve-never-seen-future-depends/ I'll see your pitiful 3000c, and raise you 3900c. "All customs authorities can rely on this database with full confidence." Until the director is shown to be a womanizing racist; If people don't trust the institute, they don't trust the database. I TOLD YOU GUYS YOU AREN'T READY! nuffin' chill music can do bout dat. Oh, i can speak and understand "slang" just as easily btw. As well as all accents in English. I'm still VERY salty about scarlett commenting that "maybe i just like to rewrite things". Fuck you. That's another 10k on the emotional damages on the lawsuit. IF YOU HAD READ ANY OF MY WORK YOU WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING DARED. Easy to read people, and not just for me. IF THERE IS ONE THING YOU PEOPLE DESPERATELY NEED IS A FAR BETTER AND MORE SECURE ONBOARDING >>>PROCEDURE!<<< YOU CAN'T JUST CREATE A WEBSITE AND THROW UNKOWNS IN YOUR STRUCTURE LIKE THIS! THEY WILL FUCK! YOU! UP! Scarlett already told me you've had "a hong kong wholesaler who turned out to be a lazy disaster". There's NO law in China against ripping off foreigners. I'm serious. It's legal for them to rip you off. Did you know this? I'm going to go ahead and say no because you're just a bunch of decent germans wayyyyyy in over their head. WELL Ingo is still a dirty old man, but hey like i said, i don't judge at all. INFACT my future is looking like a tony stark billionaire playboy philantropist, so i totally get it :D But you can't play the "upstanding, decent, ethical German engineer" then have pictures of women's faces everywhere. You're either a badass playboy, or you're decent. If you mix and match, it becomes Insincere and Slimy. Ingo's looking at slimy. If Black Lives Matter had gotten to this document before me (....well this all requires a brain but still) and they'd seen that "culturally diverse faces" line, BOTH of you would already be completely ruined. A old, white, racist german male authority figure at the head of a centralized monopoly, using power to bend the entire structure to his will, chasing pretty young women, dishing out cash at his own discretion? And his 2nd in command is a very pretty young jeweler? lol i actually nervously chuckled at reading that. Literally, physically, out loud. Looks like germany finally developed that atomic bomb xD (EDIT: OH GOD i went back and made it worse by adding the rando Osi bonus xD) OH we're well past nazi references at this point there's little else that can go wrong now. LITERALLY if Ingo had goose stepped up and down Berlin i could've spun that in a better light then the above sentence. That's a fucking neutron bomb in 2021. AND to make matters worse, BaFin (german financial regulators (for lynne)) has been severely embarrassed by that whole Wirecard snafu - So i'm sure they'd be itching to close a scam down before it got out of hand or even started. I mean if BLM were to know, before i could send an single email Ingo'd get one announcing an full audit. That's how deep a shit this is. PAGE 56: "increasing the value of the jewelry even more." eehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm in doubt. Value, or Uniqueness?........ difference is too small to tell in marketing value terms so, leaving value. "customer by secured courier." << still not happy with that one. If i had more time i'd google more on how its commonly called. I do that alot, yknow. Like... really alot. PAGE 57: "Delivery times for goods in stock may be as short as one day. Goods that have to be shipped across borders will take substantially longer; And goods that have to be manufactured first may take up to three months to deliver." Changing nothing just reposting it to make you people understand *what real hedging looks like*. How to hedge something WITHOUT worrying the customer is a fucking art too, yknow. PAGE 58: REVIEW THE SAFETY INFORMATION WITH GREAT ATTENTION BECAUSE I MADE CHANGES! While i haven't changed a single thing about what the document was gonna convey, this is NOT something the main engineer can skip over out of shame or guilt for fucking things up the first time, cause you're just gonna make me write a second document of this length explaining why you should've listened to me the first time - But next time i'm gonna send it *after* the shitstorm. If you think my safety info in total is better btw... Then shame on you, for real. This is one page where you'd better be honest with yourself, both ways. Safety information has to be crystal clear, always, because aside from fucking hurting people if they misunderstand even a single word, you'll get sued into oblivion in the states. That's a cool $25 mil PER individual mistake. Settlement and a change/addition to the list. PAGE 61: "Password: “bigbang.” > Password: “bigbang”. Atleast i think so too tired to check. Go do some work yourselves. PAGE 62: "in all denominations, which the website can show > in all denominations, which the website can display". Still a turd, but a bit more shiny. Monitors Display, that's why they're called Displays. Everything on a monitor is therefor displayed, unless something is "shown inside" of a picture ON a monitor. Yeah, that's a weird one. Like it's ontop or something. You'd expect "in", as the data's inside the screen effectively. PAGE 63: o.o =.= O.O =.= Why is the middle bullet point bigger then the others on my screen? Not bolded, checked that..... Huh. Don't have enough libreoffice experience for this. Strange, tho. Still not sure about API's! PAGE 66: "following essential aspects" That's a weird sentence too. But not untrue, and i'm tired, so i'm leaving it in (THATS HOW FLAWS CREEP INTO YOUR WORK AND THE QUALITY DROPS!!!!! DO NOT MAKE THAT MISTAKE!). At this point it genuinely doesn't matter compared to overall cohesion. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ALRIGHT! HOLY SHIT! That was Draft 2. One more to go! Draft 1 is "One Continuous Thought". Say what you have to say. Draft 2 is "Humanization". You ALWAYS forget that people can't mindread. I do too. Second draft adds explanations, words that i heard in my head but didn't write down, clarifications. Stuff like that. An additional run is never a waste in every case, as it's another separate spellcheck if you learn to actually read what's on the fucking paper. Attentive Reading is a lost skill in 2020. Draft 3 is "Flow". The purpose of Draft 3 is singular: "I need to be able to read from start to finish without ever feeling like i'm stop-start reading, or that something isn't clear". If this was a cooking class, Draft 1 is chopping the ingredients, Draft 2 is adding the spice, and Draft 3 is letting it simmer until it's *just right*. Draft 4 is spellcheck. No i'm not joking i always have all spellcheckers turned off until this point, where i do a manual check to correct the most obvious of mistakes i continually read over. But that's it. I've come to realize we're a slave to the red line, and that is EXACTLY HOW a document like this gets made. The spelling is proper. The english is GARBAGE. ADDITIONALLY - Take a break. EVEN YOU, READING THIS. REALIZE YOU ARE EMBEDDED! This means you've been staring at the trees so long you can't see the forest anymore. Your eyes, ears, smell, taste or touch are poluted by *memory*, and you need to clear it. Now i smoke weed to do it, but that's just me. You need 30 minutes of complete mind clearing. No smartphone, no media, i always smoke outside and just think for 20-30 minutes. If you're incapable of being alone with your thoughts you will never be capable of "garbage collection", I.E. your mind going through all the thoughts you had to get to this point, and *literally forgetting *the ones that don't matter**. Realize that Truth Lasts, Lies are Forgotten (ANOTHER GREAT TSHIRT HOTDANG atleast i'll have something for my troubles no matter what). Even in your own mind about your own thoughts. Let yourself forget, it's natural, and part of the process. PS smoking thought on the edge of madness: Remember that this changelog has recieved NO DRAFTS of its own. Straight to video on this one. None of this has been "humanized" in any way, because it includes me looking back at things i've written days later, and feeling different about the whole thing - thus maybe softening my words. You haven't earned this priviledge. I don't wanna feel any of this ever again. DRAFT 3: One more cycle of drum and bass, i suppose. Lets begin. Page 3: fucking wordart. page 5: "The Osmium-Institute Germany is tasked with building up an international network of local institutes on all continents." Would be nice to add the progress already made. I remember you guys telling me the institute was launching in 5 countries but you didn't have a dutch partner yet. Mentioning something like that does well but i forgot the specifics. Page 6: "Certify Osmium > Certify osmium." consistency at this point. Though i gotta say i've been wondering whether or not to capitalize Osmium. I tend to do it on my own ysee, though i dunno why. OH btw, "The objective is to have the highest level of security for buyers and processing companies." Remember what i said about not catering to sellers? Seems that is already known on some unconscience level since they aren't mentioned here (though i can't remember if it's a rewrite at this point i changed so much). Page 7: "it is even less reactive then gold. > it is even less reactive then gold!" should be more excited about this. "Osmium Splitbars™." 3rd time around, still loving it! It's a keeper in my book! page 8: "Only parts of this material is available > Only parts of this material are available" WHOOPS fucked that up. "To transport 10,000 ore of platnum requires 25 completely filled 400-ton Caterpillar 797 trucks, the largest mining truck costing ~$5 million each." Still loving it! "One ounce of osmium fits into the volume of a single sugar cube. Approximately 9 m³ of osmium is available worldwide." still not. PAGE 10: STATUS REPORT. First 10 pages have been cleared for duty. I'm only getting ideas for improvement, not reading errors. Oh btw; The last paragraph on page 10 makes the same point i've been trying to make about your SHITTY product line up: "Either way, osmium is rarely returned to the open market as it cannot be melted down like gold or silver. Osmium diamonds and stars can be removed from jewelry without any issues. Otherwise, the osmium would have to be crystallized again at great expense during recycling, destroying 80% of its value. Thus, the rarity inevitably increases further and further." THEN WHY ON GODS GREEN EARTH WOULD YOU EVER GLUE IT TO A FACE OR DO ANYTHING OTHER THEN BESPOKE JEWELRY AND DIAMONDS, THE SMALLEST ASSETS AVAILABLE! I learned that "the same thing sold in parts is more valuable then as a whole" from a fucking donald duck pocket when i was like 13. FROM GOOFY, OF ALL PEOPLE! You know what's also greed: Saying the process for pearls may have a success rate as low as 10%, and that's good for the price of a pearl. Equally, that's saying to make a pearl, you *waste 90% of all materials that you can not recover the value out of* - And you're happy to put as many as you can in the furnace so less and less of them succeed!!!! AND SCARLETT WANTS TO START "SUSTAINABILITY PROJECTS!" HAHAHAHA WHAT A JOKE SHE'S GONNA GET SCREWED SOOOOOO HARD! God it's that she's such an angel and just naïve. I'd destroy this woman for hypocrisy otherwise. Instead i'm going to help protect her ^_^ This kind of kindness shouldn't be corrupted. I recognise a kindred heart when i see one. May be too late for me, but not yet her. Next 10 pages! Page 11: "we speak of osmium > we don't speak of osmium" DON'T SPEAK! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELING! PLEASE STOP EXPLAINING! DON'T! DON'T! asdouih0hhas'dihasóihd (i could never understand that last part). Sorry just a fuckup, shoulda caught this on draft 2. Page 12: The Osmium Big Bang! added an exclamation point for a bigger bang. "Because osmium is bought for one’s children. One hopes for a long-term increase in value of the next generation’s metal." Not happy with that syntax, but i'll leave it, don't think anyone will notice. Page 13: Loving the conclusion. So far, it's selling me. That's what you want. page 14: "Besides its mythical rarity," Reminder that this is how you combine myth with strict scientific principles. You make it a figure of speech. Those don't really exist either. Or are you saying Scarlett's jewelry isn't a total fairy tale? ....>GAH. Sorry, dozed off. Not sleep, but i get lost in thoughts. For once i'll share them: "WHY IN GODS NAME ARE YOU GLUING THE RAREST FUCKING METAL ON EARTH TO PEOPLES FUCKING FACES WHEN YOU GOT THIS GODDAMN GODDESS CREATING THE BEST POSSIBLE PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL ON THE DAILY GOD FUCK YOU FUCKING MACHO" Yeah. That's why i say "you've already hurt me". Just reading this brochure causes me extreme emotional distress. You people should've never signed on a mental health patient when you got that 9 page backstory. Not in this state of a company you shouldn't have. I hate to tell you, but Dutch Labor Laws concerning mental health patients are EXTREMELY STRICT and without looking i'll bet you've put me through atleast 3 violations. As i've said many times before... You really don't understand the shit you're in, because you've been so blindly staring at selling your asset, you've got no reliable screening process whatsoever and it's gonna fucking destroy you in the short term if you don't deal with it rapidly. And no firing me isn't the answer. If i wanted comeuppance i would've stopped typing long ago and just gone to the authorities, or just dumped it all on twitter and let the Mob deal with it. I've seen people like you far too often in my life, even as recent as 2 weeks before you recruited me, so i was already in distress over this exact same thing - somebody stringing me along and using me for my reputation and my research. You couldn't have possibly fucked up harder, with the sole exception being, recruiting somebody like me who isn't as kind as i am. I may be a ruthless, corrupted lone wolf... But atleast i'm still kind. Same can't be said for you people anymore. ALRIGHT FOCUS almost done! page 14: "any kind until we find a large extra-terrestial source." still makes me giggle. That's good. Humor relaxes and refreshes. Don't go too far tho; no Elon Musk shoutouts. "submarines out of osmium if > submarines out of osmium, if", reads about 5% nicer. Gives more options for people to FOMO themselves. Page 15: "osmium can be divided into smaller units just like Splitbars™" WHOOPS fuckup. Caught it cause i lingered on splitbars a bit longer cause i still think it's an awesome idea. Trademark is relatively cheap for a company this size and it gives you a completely unique search and marketable term without changing literally a thing that ingo wants. Look i don't like commercializing my stuff either BUT if you're *already* selling it - sell it well. (ANOTHER TSHIRT FOR THE COLLECTION! woo!) CHANGED INTO: "osmium can be divided into smaller units i.e. via Splitbars™", English speaking world uses i.e. mostly these days. OH BTW if you're wondering: The ™ sign can be made by holding alt and typing 0153 on the numpad. Alt-codes. "straightforward" Wasn't sure if it was straightforward or straight forward, googled it, google says straightforward, straightforward it is. THAT is how you learn new words and spelling, and keep mistakes out. EFFORT, GODDAMN YOU! Page 18: " world markets until today. > world markets until this day." Another fuckup, should've caught this earlier. "until today" means they *were* important, but as of today, they no longer are. Page 19: "The base metal is highly toxic to humans." Now that i've actually translated the brochure into english this isn't true, is it? CHANGED INTO: "The base metal sheds particles which cause a pungent odor and are toxic to humans." I think that's what you where trying to say. Because later on it mentions that the Metal version is fine, but the smell is dangerous, cause of the tetra thingy. This makes so much more sense now. To me and new readers. ....Look i can draft this a million times i'm not gonna remember latin names. Just got a killer idea. Have Ingo do a presentation of the new brochure, because ya can't exactly spread a PDF over video channels. DON'T SHOW A MASS OF LETTERS ON SCREEN! Very simple setup: Have ingo simply read the brochure on a telepromter (you can use a monitor and webcam BUT GOOD LORD MAKE IT 4K 60FPS AND SPEND SOME GODDMAN MONEY.) and have an editor edit in the relevant pictures to each page nexto him. If he wants face models, pick the best 3 ones, no more. If he wants his friend included: The picture of his friend holding the square bar is the best one by far. Shows relative size real nice. Include it. EVERYTHING ELSE IS SCARLETTS JEWELRY IF YOU NEED MORE PICTURES TO PADD! EVEN BETTER: Don't use pictures for scarlett's jewelry. Use a panning shot with a spotlight attached to it (from a distance so that it doesn't flare up the shot). As the camera moves, the Osmium will sparkle: If Ingo doesn't sell it. the sparkle will. AND FOR GOD SAKES have him be excited about >TELLING A STORY!< Forget about the asset for ONE second would you and focus on the fucking story AROUND the asset. You wanna sell, you NEED narrative. PAGE 20: STATUS UPDATE; Still getting sold. Page 24: "watches and crystalline micro-sculptures" Bolding the latter part is very smart. Got me excited to learn more about these things. Sounds mysterious. Same for the pearls. Less mysterious, but more definitive, and it works. Kudos! (why didn't i give compliments before? WELL when you stress people out so goddamn much by condescending to them all the time and you piss them off they're not inclined to remember the good parts. This is not training either that's literally what just happened). "The number of countries with their own affiliated Osmium-Institute is growing steadily." Again people love progress reports. Once they're engaged with you - they ALWAYS wanna know more, and you wanna feed that dragon at a high, but steady, rate. Like dogs, you keep putting food infront of engaged fans, they'll keep eating until they overstuff themselves, and lose interest. Goes for any excitable creature. Burn out is real. Yknow the way it's written now i can also lose focus for a moment or two without feeling that i've lost the plot cause it all reads coherently. page 26: ..................................................................................... Just cause it's ingo's friend doesn't mean it's not obviously about her and the asset isn't HORRIBLY offcentre. But it'll just have to do for now and hope the text carries it. "will millionaires and billionaires will be able" Now THAT is a stoner mistake. Deleted the second will. Shame, i barely knew him. Oh yeah reminder that i've been doing and writing all of this STONED OFF MY FUCKING ASS! I SMOKED MULTIPLE HUNDREDS OF EUROS OF "AMNESIA HAZE"!!! Think Ingo needs to light one up, seriously. Time for self-reflection, if this is who Mr. Genius gets beat by. That's my style yknow. I never need to be the best. I'm trash and i know it. But that means, anybody who's not better then me, is worse then trash, and i enjoy that thought *very* much. It's obvious to anybody with economical knowledge that page 25 was written by another person btw. The text's logical consistency is also much higher. But that's fine, not a problem until the rewrite of the whole darn thing. Gotta tick a couple of pretty high boxes to notice. Page 29: Still a very unflattering photo of Ingo's friend. The pearl is SO FAR OFFCENTRE that it's so goddamn obvious it's not about the product it kills the entire page. Also, she looks stupid. SHE DOES! Look, there's a reason why people hire *proffessional* models. Just go watch this to understand how far behind the game you're putting yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDbfWT-hSG8 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58S4RoBZLEI Reminder that you *do not* have a monopoly on *people's attention*. Your *photographs* are competing against *their* photographs. SPEND THE FUCKING MONEY WHERE IT COUNTS! Inefficiencies like this are the number 1 reasons why startups die. They have a limited amount of budget, they make 1 *wrong* expense, and rather then eating the cost and cutting an unnecessary feature to spend real money on advertising their strong point, they spend low dollar on their main selling point. Such as a 640x360 resolution video on your main storefront because you can't afford higher bandwidth costs, AND ARE TOO PROUD TO EMBED A YOUTUBE LINK! Gotta do *eeeeeverything* yourself, don't you, Ingo? That resolution is 6th highest quality. 3rd lowest. It's one step above 2001 apple quicktime encoding. I genuinely did not expect to find this resolution in the wild on any website post 2010. I'm gonna save it pure for anthropological reasons. AND THEN YOU FOLLOW IT UP WITH THAT MUG ON PAGE 30 omg i'm too tired to change it you deal with it. Well, atleast the text is still compelling. Though, it loses its shine after 2 pages of dry, dry stats. Keep that in mind! That you have to *slowly* start rolling a stopped ball. Speed doesn't kill you acceleration does. That picture on page 32 *really* needs to go. It's the worst of all of them, but i have no material to replace it with. I'M LEAVING IT IN AS A TEST CAUSE ITS GOTTA GO! IF ITS STILL IN WHATEVER VERSION YOU APPROVE IMA HAVE A FIT! Cause if you missed this bit i'll know you're still not attentively reading my shit and you're doomed for failure and the only value ima get out of this company is by blowing it up. I have many tests - better watch your step within the void. Fuck page 33 sells me every time, even after those shitty pictures. Brings it right back. it's a *really* good idea. Especially unlike the rest of your ideas; This one doesn't compromise Ingo's ethics about HIS product. Cause *i* take those into account. Products need brand names to be successfull anyway, this is literally already a name he had in mind, and it turns out to be unique - everybody can get lucky. But it's how you use the luck thrown in your lap that makes a wise man. Page 34: "They result in almost no material loss, as they are the perfect geometric inverse of eachother." This still bothers me. Because it's never explained *why* being the geometric inverse of eachother has anything to do with material loss. So a star is a round shape inverted. Big whoop. A cat share and inverted cat shape both lose the same material as well, but a fuckton more then stars and spheres. This needs to be reworded, but i'm leaving it up to you. Consider it another test to see if you're listening. Reminder that the higher the rest of the text is because i've upgraded it, the *more* poor decisions will show by juxtaposition. Page 35 is of considerable less quality then 33, but i've run out of time. Page 36: "The carbon base inside the micro-sculpture will continue to remain inside and stabilize the osmium object. " Question: Does that affect price since you work by pure weight to many decimals? Page 37: "approx. 40 g in weight." Here it works, because it's picture subtext AND a smaller font - it's expected to be a *short* description, and shortening these (to within reason!) is not a bad thing. "": "to set and process to jewelry." Missed one i see. "to set in and process into jewelry." Page 38: HAHAHAHAHA that's a *fucking shock* to your system when you suddenly read that after all that beautiful language. I legitimate recoiled from the screen. Completely forgot it was there. Excellent. Now you know how i feel. You better not publish this sight unseen cause i'll laugh my ass off. Page 40: OK well - page 35 to 39 are a complete shitshow and there's little left i can do about that. You're on your own kid. Atleast after that fucking jolt to my system on page 38, from 39 the story feels like it continues where it left off. Page 44, bottom. That the institute is based in germany triggered me. I'm leaving it in because people won't notice a single patronising stab here and there.... Every once in a while. But i know - and don't think you need to tell me the institute is in germany when the name's 2 lines above IN FUCKING GERMAN. Nope you pissed me off again. CHANGED INTO: "The institute in Germany is the global governing body for the certification of osmium." Still redundant, but redundancy i can live with. "even more secure!" added bloxclamation. Page 48: "OIC database entries are based on a high-resolution scan of the crystalline surface structure of each osmium piece." pretty redundant still but..... At this point, *I* have become embedded. And i must start compensating for it, lest my quality suffer. It's not redundant, only in my head cause i've seen it too much reading and rereading this. Leaving it in. Page 50: Still not sure on the API's but have Ingo ask his tech guys what its really called. Don't trust my best guess if i admit to not knowing myself. Page 51: "as an osmium sponge which is toxic to humans." I think it involves particles but it's fine to leave it out. It works without, and if people remember it was about particles, they'll feel smart for remembering something (the trick is you win either way: Either the text works, Or the text works and the reader feels smart). "the process!" Seems weird without context, but added excitement to the 40 years. Fourty *years*!? "by enclosing a" still the exact right word in that spot. Stuff like that makes me happy. I actually enjoy reading my own work, yknow. I always craft it until i do. Page 54: WAIT i passed page 50 without doing a status update? Well.... Guess i'm still being sold. Page 56: "Jewelers who have been working with osmium for a long time have become quite experienced in working with the material and have no difficulty creating unique pieces to custom order." I haven't forgotten the jewelers who "may" have "fancy" ideas. Remember that just because the public will never know - i will always know. Scarlett *should* feel *pissed* too. Is that how you think of her Ingo? After all she's done for you, being the lynchpin that holds this company together? It wouldn't last 5 nanoseconds without her i can FUCKING guarantee you that. This is some narcissistic shit i've seen literally my whole life and know EXACTLY how to deal with so don't you fucking even try. Just take take take and never give, such as adequate sales support. Despicable. Page 58: "metallic osmium is highly flammable." still makes me giggle and think of rockets. Page 63: Link doesn't look nice... but i'm exhausted... fix it. Page 65: "obligation to act according to strict scientific principles" - But the director gets to play real fast and loose with ethics and morals it seems. No i'm serious i don't see Ingo as a nice man anymore, not until *he fixes this personally*. He has *ALOT* to apologize for, to *alot* of people, and the longer he waits, the worse it'll get. A man is defined by his actions, not his words. I FUCKING WORKED MYSELF TO THE BONE AND BEYOND TO GET THIS DONE IN AS FAST A TIME POSSIBLE BECAUSE !YOU! HAVE A PROBLEM THAT IS A TICKING TIMEBOMB WHICH YOU NEED TO GET AHEAD OF AND NOT WASTE AS MUCH AS A SINGLE SECOND. Lets see him do the same. And not to create some fucking dead object. I wanna see the same effort when looking after HIS PEOPLE. If he can't do that, he should *resign* as director *immediately* and return to a role of CTO, or Chief Technology Officer. I'm not going to discount the fact that Ingo might've overworked himself as well, and has lost complete sight of things, and that is the real reason he brought me onboard cause it was only going to be a matter of time before i found this out - Too fast for you indeed. It is *crucial* both scarlett and Ingo face themselves in the mirror and both resolve and mitigate this situation, and realize that *no matter how smart you are* IT IS ASSININELY STUPID TRYING TO CREATE A MULTINATIONAL WITH 2 PEOPLE! AND EVEN IF YOU HIRE ME I CAN FUCKING ASSURE YOU IT'LL BE 30 BEFORE IT'LL BE 3! You must be 'bout yo damn mind. Ain't nobody got time for dat. Maybe i react heavier then anyone else - They ALL react on the inside. I just seem to be the only one ON THIS ENTIRE FUCKING ROCK WITH THE BALLS TO SPEAK UP! Reached the end. Thank god. music just ended too. Normally with this much of a shit fest i'd do a 4th pass but i've literally *run out of mental energy*. Even if i could push my body harder, my mind's done for the year. You people had no business bringing a handicapped worker into this business. You've violated my reputation, my trust and the friendship i thought i was building. Had i brought out the original document - i would've been a laughing stock. ......ok i just saw a halucination out of the corner of my eye of a drawn blue elephant dancing off the lower right of my screen. So it's been enough. RECOMMENDATION: If you don't change every little fucking thing i suggest i'll have your head and your balls. I'm not thinking of me at this point i'm thinking of the 399 other partners you've sent into battle completely unprepared. Scarlett said "some do well, 10k-20k a month, others have almost no turnover" That's because you've ruined those people's lives scarlett. You gave them an asset that's too good to be true, then you had them sell it as if it was. What did you think, a 5 second introduction and people would see the value alllll on their own? Everybody sees what you see all the time? That's the viewpoint of an egomaniac. LET ME MAKE VERY CLEAR WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT: 1. You're going to implement all my changes, from this document and the next. 2. You're going to make this your number 1 priority because every day goes by is another day you cause suffering, and i'm not going to let this go on much longer. 3. Your number 2 priority is going to be IN. HOUSE. STAFF. AT A MINIMUM! 4 EMPLOYEES DIRECTLY UNDER SCARLETT! 4. Scarlett STOPS dealing with wholesalers directly and STARTS ACTING LIKE SHE'S THE VICE PRESIDENT OF A MULTINATIONAL WHICH SHE IS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. 5. Ingo starts behaving like a director and not some cocksure superstar because he's currently just a loser and unless he comes to terms with that he's never gonna make it. SMARTS AREN'T ENOUGH! Trust me i know. Spent far too long on the bottom. You need Wisdom too. If he can't handle the pressure of a director because he's *really* just an engineer who wants to invent cool stuff, i can totally respect that, but he's gotta switch positions from CEO to CTO - Chief Technology Officer. Find a good man to handle the day to day minutia such as HANDLING AND CARING FOR YOUR STAFF. Minutia, pfft. 6. Hire me as your Ethics Compliance Officer because BOY OH BOY do you need one. Now, i don't have *a fucking clue* what to do as an ethics compliance officer, but one thing's for sure, i'd be *the only one* in your organization actually doing something to find out what that means. OH - and 20 hours a week of my time is all you're going to get. Tops. Because you people are working *very hard* to go in circles. MY FINAL CONCLUSION: You're not bad people. You're just bad at running a business that needs to generate sales. Great engineers, poor sales people, it happens. You're in over your head because you thought you could automate scaling up, but you just *can't*. YOU! NEED! STAFF! *IMMEDIATELY*, BEFORE THE YEAR EVEN ENDS! YOU >DO NOT< HAVE THE TIME TO DEAL WITH THIS, AND RUN THE DAY TO DAY BUSINESS! ATLEAST ONE OF YOU IS SEVERELY OVERWORKED, AND BECAUSE OF THIS, QUALITY OF MATERIALS IS PISS POOR. There's little more i can say at this point. You're in over your heads. Be happy i truly am a kind person, because i've never seen such a delicious meal as this. If i was unscrupulous i would've just thrown everything on twitter and used your downfall as a reputation booster, and considering it's me at *this* time, that is one massive boost. Lastly i'll deal with my compensation and personal health. This document, and the next i send, and the brochure reworked AND COMPLETELY EXPLAINED WHY IT WAS REWORKED CAUSE YOU"RE NOT GOING TO GET THAT ANYWHERE ELSE - is worth multiple millions to you. Considering the detriment of sales it stops, the absolute SHITSTORM it avoids if implemented, And my personal writing style and strength WHICH IS ALSO FUCKING UNIQUE BTW SCARLETT.... You don't have the money. You do not have enough to compensate me adequately for my time here. In every single instance, the reputation boost from exposing the rot publicly would deliver me more compounded value over time. And make no mistake: This is *the first time in my life* that i EXPECT to be paid for my troubles. Either alot for the value i brought, or a fuckton to make me go away. But i'll take payment in assets or blood. So. Here's the deal. I wanna be paid separately for both the brochure rework/changelog effort, AND the next "preliminary marketing review" that i'm sending. That'll be just as scathing as this document, just includes the rest of the business. I'd hoped to have it done simultainiously BUT THIS WAS SO GODDAMN MUCH. There's 3 things i want that you can give to make this right: 1. Income security; Salary. If i sell something, i lose my benefits, if i then fuck up, i'm homeless. Way to go, don't think you thought of that. And don't think you can get away with having me sign those documents because German's at the top of the document and english is at the bottom, it confused me, didn't find it until onboarding others later, and i signed without knowing what i was signing. That's entrapment, and another law you violated. THAT IS WHY STRICT RECRUITING PROCEDURES AND "VETTING" EXIST! YOU DOLTS! So you're going to pay me a minimum of $100k a year for my ethics compliance job, and i'll give you 20 hours of week of reviewing literally everything you have for dumbass mistakes like this so they never happen again - as well as make sure that your wholesalers are actually looked after for once. I don't really need more then 50k a year but the taxman takes more then half above that SOOOOO ya. 2. Cash payment, consider it an upfront. MINIMUM $20k, because i *need* a new workstation both for my streaming job AND to work for you. Growing my audience on twitch is very much part of promoting you and aside from the shit you gave me to work with, i have little of myself to work with, so we are going to change that. However: I want *you* to determine the height of the cash payment, and i don't wanna know for a while. Think on how much value i've brought to you and how much you *really* appreciate that. How much problems you will avoid because of this, and how long it'll bring benefits to your company. The higher the cash payment, the higher my IMMEDIATE BECAUSE IM IN PAIN quality of life will get - which will go a long way towards regaining my trust. You have violated my trust every which way you could, and now it's time to EARN it back. Giving me fair compensation is part of that process. 3. I want the 1% North American sales for 2021 i've been chasing and made no secret off. Purely the fact that i'll never mention "Culturally diverse faces" to a living soul, will earn me this price. Again i want to make it clear, there's no way i'm not worth that by now, AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A GODDAMN AMERICAN MARKET YET I'M CREATING IT FOR YOU ON JANUARY 16TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR IF YOU FUCK ME I WILL RAIN UNGODLY AMOUNTS OF HELLFIRE ON YOU AND THIS ENTIRE CHARADE I WILL *NOT ONLY* REVEAL OSMIUM AS THE PERFECT ASSET I WILL REVEAL AT THE SAME TIME HOW YOU HAVE CORRUPTED IT WITH YOUR INCOMPETENCE, GREED AND LUST FOR FAME, POWER, AND PUSSY! EVERY SINGLE DAY YOU DO SOMETHING TO STOP ME, I WILL SWALLOW IT UP AND USE IT TO GROW LARGER UNTIL I SWALLOW YOU WHOLE! YOU STEPPED INTO THE FUCKING VOID, AND THIS IS *MY HOUSE*. FUCKING PEOPLE LIKE YOU HAVE *FORCED* ME TO MAKE IT MY HOME, AND BY GOD, YOU. ARE. NOT. PREPARED TO DANCE WITH THE DEVIL! Thank the stars you ran into the gatekeeper, and not the other beasties around here. Some of them have sharp teeth, yknow. Now. We can discuss height of compensation later, i've laid out my demands, and i'll await your reply. It's acceptable to shift the type of compensation as well as the way in which i'm paid around (i'll take a stipulation of Osmium as well for example. What? I told you, asset's perfect. That'll do well on its own. But that strength will destroy *you* if you aren't ready). Oh and yes i'm very capable of selling an asset from within a multilevel marketing scheme while exposing that same scheme from the inside simultainiously. You can ask Lynne about how scary i can get. Which leads me to the final part of this epic adventure: My personal health. I know exactly how far i can go, because unlike you idiots, i'm actually a professional when it comes to mental health and especially pacing ones self. I'm in physical pain, sure, but that i do to myself and i can push through. The mental health problems you've caused me, purely through actions long before i even joined the company, have been staggering. I ran into 10 times the effort that i had to do to makes things right. Before you even start that you didn't ask for any of this: You have a responsibility as a boss to look after my health, and it took a WEEK before scarlett even dared cuss me out. I have been pushing her buttons *as hard as i can* and i get no pushback. At this point, i think she thinks i'm just a helpless retard cause that's something if seen women do to me far too often too. Either i can't get the time of day, or i'm mothered like some mongoloid. Don't try and deny that's why i got so much more time and leniency then other partners. All of this has effects on me. I cried for an hour when scarlett said she felt "slightly offended" when i called THIS WHOLE CLUSTERFUCK OF A FUBAR OF A SHITSHOW OF A DOGSHIT TRANSLATION, "a total mess". Ingo told me he "this was a great time to hit america because of christmas" during the meeting, 7 days before christmas, with no materials, no funds, no instructions, just a shitty onboard process and "good luck go sell", even though i'm a severely autistic, multiple mental trauma permanent social security charity case. And you just threw me, AND MY REPUTATION, to the wolves. It's because *I* kept demanding time, but others would've just died, like that "lazy disaster" in hong kong or the "russian wholesalers who can't seem to make inroads" or the "north american markets where you haven't broken into" even though you did a Kitco Expose in february 2019. It's because you're literally set up like a scam that they get all the time. Why don't you *actually* talk to your employees, contact Delta (tell him i sent ya) and say that i told you to tell him, "tell em about the sales pressure bonnuses". I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU TWO! YOU *ACTUALLY* FIND THE NEW GOLD, AND YOU SET UP AN CARTEL LIKE ORGANIZATIONAL STRUCTURE BASED ON PRICE FIXING WITH NO SAFEGUARDS OR COMPLIANCE OR PROTOCOLS OR PROCEDURES THAT LOOKS *EXACTLY* LIKE A MULTILEVEL MARKETING SCHEME BECAUSE IT IS!!!!! YOU MANAGED TO CREATE WITH INCOMPENTENCE WHAT LITERALLY EVERYBODY ELSE WORKS TO AVOID! AND IT"S BECAUSE YOU *THINK* YOU HAVE A MONOPOLY, AND MONOPOLIES ARE *ALWAYS* ANTI-CONSUMER! YOU HAVEN'T INNOVATED. YOU HAVEN'T IMPROVED ANY PART OF YOUR BUSINESS WITH ANY SORT OF SINCERITY OR HASTE. I AM EXTREMELY PISSED. EVERY AND ALL QUESTIONS DIRECTED AT ME SHALL BE DIRECTED AT LYNNE INSTEAD, AND SHE HAS MY EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS TO TELL YOU CLOWNS EXACTLY HOW IT IS EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. *i* am going into a *total communications blackout*. It's my way of healing. TOTAL isolation, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT SOCIETY HAS FORCED ON ME ALL MY LIFE SO THAT IS WHERE I'M MOST COMFORTABLE NOW. ALSO THANKS TO ASSHOLES LIKE YOU! Just games, weed, and *no thinking*. >I Do NOT want to be contacted by Ingo, Scarlett, The osmium institute or anybody affiliated with them before January 2nd<. Do so, and i will immediately send my research to the Dutch, German, Swiss and Austrian Financial, regulatory bodies and just straight up the police for mind raping me. No i'm not exadurating, but it's going to take me even more stress and time to explain that in GREAT detail so that will come later. I will ruin this dream before it even starts. I am *DEADLY* serious about this - you people clearly have no idea about or experience with autism, and *even a heartfelt apology could trigger something bad right now*. Only complete radio silence as far as social interactions are concerned work. I will engage only in what *i* want, so consider me on vacation and unreachable. *YOU* people deal with something for once. Allow me to let the retard explain: You have *pissed me off* because you *touched my friends*. Be happy i don't touch your face with a flamethrower. Lynne is hereby directed to pass my work on after she signs off on it and has it reviewed with her 15 years of business experience and her *genuine* concern not just for my immediate health, but my career and future, something you people clearly seem to have no connection with, because your great opportunity turned out to be a poisoned apple. >if i do not find SUBSTANTIAL changes upon my return, there will be hell to pay< and i'll start releasing info early to hype up the downfall on the 16th. NOT YOU, NOT ANYONE, IS GOING TO ROB MY FUTURE FROM ME, EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!! YOU CAN EITHER HELP ME UP AFTER I GIVE YOU A BOOST, OR I'LL PULL YOU DOWN AND USE YOUR CORPSES INSTEAD! YOU THINK YOU FOUGHT HARD FOR THE METAL?! YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH. And lynne will, from this point forward, make it *exactly* clear to you, in completely normal human terms, how fucked you are, unless you STEP UP. The marketing review will come later. It is currenly in 2nd draft stage. Again piss me off and i'll just plop it on twitter and be done with it. I looooove chaos and fire, while i consider myself a dead man walking. I can put a gun in my mouth *whenever i want*. And all it'll be is an interesting adventure. I'm thinking evening 28th/29th somewhere. It'll be done when its done, but still soon. Welp that's me done. Thanks for reading folks, it's been real! Just another rollercoaster ride in 2020 eh? Not to worry though, i'm sure 2021 will be better. Oh; And go watch my video on hyperinflation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7o8JfFbvfD8&t=1s Beyond everything else, even your timeline's competely fucked. End of Document. Time of Creation: 22 dec, 14:38:10. Time finished: 27 dec, 17:00. Final Wordcount: 39,146 words.