The Dutch Government is Naked!

Because of the importance of this article, and because i expect heavy resistance for obvious reasons, i’ve turned the article and relevant files into a Torrent. The files can be downloaded by using a torrent client (i would advise Tixati as it’s nice and lightweight) and entering the following magnet link:


I should also warn people up front. This article is not like my other ones. This one, truly, can be called a piece of investigative journalism. Something the mainstream media seems to have forgotten: Question authority, and put yourself in harms way if necessary to prove their folly. They are supposed to be the 4th power that keeps government in check, but instead, journalists have become feckless sheep that will not push back on ANY question from authority. So it falls to individuals like me.

I’ve put my all into this one. My body, mind, heart and soul. This one is for my family and my country. And even though this’ll be the heaviest read you’ll see in a while, and certainly isn’t suited for the squeemish… It has become both important to and impossible not to share the pain that has been inflicted on me by the Dutch government’s regulations.

The people need to know. They assume the systems work. They don’t. And i can’t possibly let these people get away with it any longer, especially not with elections coming up that they don’t want to extend.

The resistance starts here. Please enjoy.

The Setup

A short while ago, the Dutch government instituted a Curfew from 21:00 to 4:30 in order to slow the spread of Covid. They did this under the guise of “limiting contact moments”, most likely aimed at youths continuing to spread the virus. However, this is merely their view, and hardly reality.

Not only is a curfew to fight the virus sheer insanity as it concentrates contact during less hours of the day, it causes great social unrest and distress for no good reason. I am all for measures to limit the spread of the virus! But i want to see measures that WORK, not another set of measures that don’t work, proposed by the same people that proposed all the other measures that didn’t work, even against advice of international organizations (who’ve failed plenty themselves for fiscal reasons).

The Dutch Government and the RIVM health organization that advises them, have lost ALL touch with reality; And i aim to prove it!

Consider this article my act of Civil Disobedience. I’m not a crazy person, nor am i against healthcare workers or anything of the sort despite what you’re about to read. I haven’t gone out to riot, nor protest. This because any protest here has to be announced, the moment you announce it to be anywhere close to the policy makers they immediately declare it illegal (by offering you another spot far away, which of course does nothing, so you have to refuse, making it illegal by default). So there’s no point. The moment you protest close to them anyway and anybody steps closer then 1.5 meters from another person, they declare a health code violation and clear the square.

The policy makers here have become untouchable. Or so they think. There’s ways to protest other then setting buildings on fire. Even ways that add value to the discussion, rather then take it away from anybody. It’s a little bit dangerous, but you know what – shout out to the Arab Spring. Governments here were more then happy to support the Arab Spring when it was just an Arab spring. I wonder if Libya will start bombing Den Haag (where the seat of power is) on our behalf.

There’s always danger involved with protecting freedom. Freedom, ironically, never comes free.

So what did i do to show the government’s folly?

I simply broke the curfew. With a Camera and a no-fucks-given attitude. I didn’t go anywhere specifically – i just visited my father for a good talk which was sorely needed, then started my journey home in the dead of night. I started walking at 0:45 on Tuesday January 28th, took the long way around to my house, so a trip which usually takes 15 minutes now took 30, until 1:15.

The thing is though… My father and me live on opposite sides of the inner city of Tilburg, the 6th largest city in the Netherlands. I live right next to the main road of the so called “City Ring”, which is how the geniuses of the traffic bureau here decided to reroute traffic. The entire inner city has got a one way traffic ring running through it, and next to my street (Paleisring) is where it and the “ghost ring” – the second ring that more or less got created on the opposite side due to inflows and outflows they never took into account – combine. Basically it’s about as “Main road” as you can get.

There’s plenty of apartments around here, including a very big building in the middle of the city known to locals as the “Kattenrug” or “cat’s back”. Traffic flows through beneath it. Myself i live behind the former main library which is still a governmental office on the back end, where i watch people arrive and leave the cycle storage when i’m having my smokes.

My father lives in the Enschotsestraat – this is a very long straight street (which i’ll show momentarily) with a park nearby where i started my picture journey.

The Journey and the Goal.

I’ve made a map of the route i travelled. Naturally i didn’t go out of my way to look for Police. If you get caught outside it costs you a 95 euro fine and i don’t need that. My aim and goals were simple:

Prove that there is, in fact, NO police presence checking the streets AT ALL!

Here’s the thing. The Dutch government rules on high from Den Haag. That’s a city WAY UP NORTH, while Tilburg is situated in the south next to the Belgian border. And even though the Netherlands is a small country – i once travelled to the most Northern province in about 5 hours by train, and not directly – the people living there have absolutely no clue what’s going on in the provinces anymore.

They rule by decree. “Police the people!” The Emperor says. “But we have no men” the King’s guard replies. “Then tell them we have them anyway! They’ll believe anything!” Shouts the Emperor back.

Naturally the media is in on it. They report on the rioting and unrest all day long – But they never mention a peep about whether or not there’s any actual enforcing going on in the rest of the country. That’d require them to think critically of authority, which is something Dutch journalists lost long ago.

The police meanwhile is nothing more then a PR department. “1700 fines given out on the first night!” Really? On a country of nearly 18 million? How many of those include the rioters that were sweeped off the streets?

And that’s at the start of the evening. What about the middle of the night? So, maybe not with a danger to my life, but at least my wallet and dignity, i set out on this route:

Naturally i did this on foot. As you can see, i didn’t stick to the main roads, because i guessed what their plan was: Patrol the main access road by car, pick up any idiots stupid enough to take em, and create the illusion of enforcement. This relies on the fact that you do not see all streets at the time, because you can’t – YOU are stuck in your house, you can only see your location, and you’re not gonna be standing out of the window checking for police. Of course the authorities do anything to discourage the ability to foment grievances via contact as well. Hence the insane visitation limits.

The government and police are stretched so thin due to budget cuts – the illusion is all they have left.

Here’s a birds eye view for a better understanding of the problem. I’ve drawn my approximate route on it.

The police need to enforce the curfew across this entire city:

You see the problem. If they can’t secure the main roads, how can they police all the back roads?!

Short answer is they CAN’T! In fact, they cannot even secure the wide open inner city… BECAUSE THERE IS NO POLICE THERE AT ALL!

Lets get to the pictures, shall we?

Start of the journey

First off let me apologize for the shakiness of some pictures – i only had a theory and no idea what i was walking into, so i was a little excited. I don’t have a “good” camera either – i used my Redmi Note 8 Pro instead for 64 megapixel shots (which i’ve then resized down 50% and otherwise left untouched). It doesn’t have much of a stabilizer either and i’ve got shaky hands to begin with. Nevertheless, it’s the thought that counts, and i’m sure now that people know a few guerilla photographers with good cameras will go out there before the slowass government stops the curfew.

We start in the Enschotsestraat:

This is a Very long straight street where you can look down nearly all the way to the end. While my eyesight is poor, especially at night, i had no problem seeing a completely deserted street. Not a single human, police or otherwise, in sight. This was at 0:45 in the morning, so about as middle in the curfew as you can get.

This direction is looking towards the outer city ring, the “Ringbaan”, “Ringbaan Oost” specifically, the eastern section of it. Until they changed the crossing in the other direction that i usually pass walking home, this also used to be the main access road into the inner city. Though it used to be far busier, it still sees decent traffic.

My father informed my though that it’s gotten so quiet, that after curfew he’s got trouble sleeping. He’s so used to the sound of cars travelling by, that now that they are gone, he finds it hard to fall asleep. Another unintended consequence of the curfew the central planners never thought about, because they live in nice secluded living spaces anyway.

This is the view down the other way:

Up ahead is the NS-Plein, NS being the “Nederlandse Spoorwegen”, or the Dutch railroad company. They used to have a yard there but that got closed a long time ago. It got transformed into a concert hall, which is silent now too. There’s a nice little wall of posters plastered to the fence, “The wall of never happened” it says, which is a row of event posters from March to approximately June of 2020 that got cancelled because of the pandemic. They didn’t add more because nobody planned any more events after that.

Normally around this time, Carnaval would be gearing up. There’s a large costume shop in the street that i’m standing next to. It’s still open, but only 5 hours on a Saturday. I don’t think this year will be good for business, and he’ll have to wait and hope until November 2021 before the next season even thinks about starting.

I’ll get to the square later, but i never cross it fully – too risky on the first night. There’s lots of open spaces in the inner city that are perfect to set up a check point at, and any square basically is a no-go area as far as i’m concerned. I’ll have to pass by it regardless, but it’s better to do it from afar then walk straight over it.

This is Park de Horion. Not Horizon, much to the confusion of anybody i say that too. There’s not that many parks in the inner city, the bigger ones can be closed off. This one’s a little hidden gem though. It’s a good neighbourhood with kids, while the picnic table is used by stoners and youths to gather. I’ve spent many a day and night just drifting through here having a smoke. A good quiet place in the middle of a usually busy city.

I had a smoke standing around here since there are many places to hide out of sight and i know it well. From approximately 0:20 to 0:40 – I saw no police at all. In fact, i only saw 1 cyclist, and 1 other person walking with a black mask and trying to keep an eye out, coming in from the left of the picture and walking across the field. When i made a noise and his quick headturn confirmed he wasn’t supposed to be there, i just held up an arm and waved.

Always be careful and check your corners kids! You never know what might be hiding in the dark…

Around the corner from where the guy came walking from. There’s a parking space up ahead for the people living there. Also the building to the right used to be a club centre where as a kid i participated in some open days. Learned how to spin plates on a stick there. Later it got converted to i think student housing, though i’m not sure.

The picture is a bit wobbly because i was pretty out in the open and very well lit so i didn’t trust it very much. Also the Note 8 does it’s best, and i love how far smartphones have come… But in the dark we still need 1 or 2 generations of smartphone camera to get it just right, especially in low light situations. The high end is very close, but mid-range will simply take a little while longer. And no i don’t have a subscription with a phone, i never use the damn thing. Considering the mobile game market, i don’t consider it a loss.

The parking from the previous picture. There’s a small basketball court adjacent to it with one hoop. Also a couple of benches again usually used by youths. In the summer it’s a pretty lively place. The street i came from is off to the left.

It’s strange that it’s so well-lit. We’ve had a policy for a long time that half of all the streetlights would be turned off after about midnight, though i heard it was 1 AM now. Whatever, more centrally planned bullshit. Nobody ever calculated what the electronic and chemical waste generated is now that every damn bicycle light is a battery-operated LED.

You know what we used to have? A Dynamo with cables. You know why they got replaced? “Because the cables usually break within 6 months”.


So we’ve created a MOUNTAIN of extra waste, just because we didn’t come to the revelation that MAYBE, if the cables break so much, pulling them through the frame and making them hard to replace, isn’t that smart. Maybe, had we just made the cables easy to replace and mounted them against the side of the frame, or maybe made them higher quality so they didn’t break all the time, we wouldn’t have created mountains of dead batteries and LED’s which most certainly aren’t as easily recyclable, or are recycled as much, as a couple of copper wires.

But hell what do i know about incompetence?

The Koestraat, or Cowstreet. No idea why it’s called that but it’s an old city so i think it’s got a simple origin. It leads to the north of the city after a crossroads into the Hoefstraat, or “Hoof street”, so there ya go. This has always been a workers town, still is. There’s no real money here… Well, no legitimate real money anyway. Most people are just hardworking folk who want a job, a beer, and get through life best they can.

There’s plenty of business and industry though. There’s many industrial areas and even till this day the city is known as a “Kruideniers stad” – or “Grocers city”. The internet age is slowly bringing this to a close, but in my child hood whatever the owners of the inner city shops wanted, happened. Whether it made sense or not. The car traffic going through the inner city has been blocked, partially blocked, allowed to flow through freely or only during limited hours many times during my lifetime, as a result of the battles between the grocers and the city council.

Rerouting roads and revamping squares is sort of a way to make your political mark in Tilburg it seems, because some squares like Het Heuvelplein have been renovated many times, while others like De Besterd rarely are. The roads are good sure, but the traffic situation changes all the time, and many times not for the better. Some decisions over time have been downright hazardous.

But it’s all planned on a map, so it gets done, then people complain, and a few years later it gets changed again, and again, until they end up to something similar to the old situation.

The other side of the Koestraat, where it joins with the start of the Enschotsestraat and passes by the NS-Plein. Clearly shows that night photography for mid-range phones is still a little bit too much to ask. Streetlights still easily overwhelm the sensor or everything else is far too dark. Close though!

I should note by now, that everything was eerily quiet. No sounds anywhere, aside from a few industrial airconditioning systems and the occasional car in the distance.

Which is to say, if anybody was coming, i could’ve heard them coming from a very long distance away. I wear sneakers myself and i know how to watch my step and minimize my sounds. A childhood of being bullied does that to ya. So i was pretty confident i could hear pretty much anyone before they could hear me.

Naturally i was wearing my dark clothes; Though i only have dark clothes anyway. My black facemask was under my chin to help hide my face incase necessary.

Yeah, they mass-mandated non-effective non-medical masks, so not only do infections continue on their merrily little way, agent provacateurs actually are protected.

Oh and yes, if anybody stopped me i was fully prepared to just make a run for it. All the healthy troops are on the front lines protecting against rioters, and thanks to years of lowering standards through budget cuts there aren’t that many left of them anyway. We’ve only seen hundreds protest, not tens of thousands. If you run somewhere a car can’t get, the ones patrolling won’t bother.

Nor are they smart enough to figure out i’m just waiting for them to try and cut me off so i can doubleback and disappear. But that’s for when i can actually find any police. Where is everybody?

A view down the Koestraat before it snakes off towards the north. The street that splits off up ahead near the yellow light leads to the Besterdring, which is another main street leading into the inner city. It was actually created for the workers during the industrial revolution.

We seem to have forgotten now, but commuting to work is a relatively new thing. During the industrial revolution (and before) this was a large textile industry town: If they built a new or a bunch of new factories, the companies build houses for the workers nearby. After all, no cars, no bicycles (the modern shape of the bicycle wasn’t invented until 1885), no assembly line, and actually owning and maintaining a horse just for travel purposes was prohibitively expensive.

So the workers just moved next to their work.

The current strategy of the Dutch government is to try and build as little as possible, coming up with as many excuses as possible not to, such as a bullshit “Nitrogen Crisis” no other country as much as mentions to limit the new amount of houses built, while encouraging immigration and giving away social housing to asylum seekers. Not their fault, those people have to live somewhere. But the policies are mutually exclusive, unless you want to make the population suffer.

The reason why is no secret either by the way. The people in power have large investments in housing, the nobility as well. If the housing price drops too much, THEY lose money.

They sold “The American Dream” to the Dutch. So now all the housing owners are stuck with overpriced houses that they need to go up, or they go bankrupt. Meanwhile, back in 2005 when i graduated IT collage (mid-way diploma), i asked all my friends (we were around 18 at the time) “So you guys gonna buy a house?” The reply was universal: “Hell no everything’s 50% too expensive”.

These are ALL houses available for social housing within Tilburg, a city of ~200,000. It’s all routed through a central website named Woning in Zicht, and most of it works off subscription time (which is really cheap, €10 a year renewal cost or even less). You just have to pay it once a year to make sure you’re still actively looking. If the sub drops, you cannot get the time back, even if it was on accident!

But let’s take a look. I’m a (almost) 34 year old looking for more space. I’ve got a one bedroom and open kitchen apartment, which just isn’t enough space for a 34 year old male at this point no matter what the government says. I’ve got way too much clutter and this apartment is just no place to raise a child. Not to mention the housing block i work in is being turned into ANOTHER 55+ apartment. So lets look through the list what my options are shall we?

Verdiplein drops immediately. That’s basically 55+. Same for Berlagehof. The 1 bedrooms drop, cause i’m not sidegrading i’m looking for MORE space. Besides, there’s a dirty little secret of social housing: The rent increases are limited by law…..While you’re living there. If YOU move, there is no preventionfor the housing cooperation to jack the rents up for the next person!

As a result, i pay more for my 1 bedroom apartment then my father pays for his 2 bedroom apartment. Space wise my apartment isn’t that much smaller, but i grew up in my fathers house quite comfortably and it can even house 3 people with privacy, as opposed to the no-privacy shared living space this is. The only difference is i moved in here in 2010, and my father moved in his apartment in 1995. And even though rents have already gone from ~€450 to ~€520 over the time i’ve been living here, the next person will pay ~€560 the next month after i’ve moved. At least.

So out of a choice of 9, i’m down to 5, and the cheapest is €487 a month. ALL the others will make my monthly rent expenses go up. And funnily enough, the cheapest one of those is €566 a month. Quelle surprise.

The cheapest one of €487 is in West Tilburg. Where two nights ago during curfew there were riots. Not surprising, because Muslim immigrants prefer closed kitchens and half way through the 70’s the building style changed to open kitchens instead and they built/renovated elsewhere. As a result you see large immigrant populations congregating, first the Turkish in Tilburg North and then the Marokkans in West.

That’s not racist by the way that’s literally just a empirical observations, they can prefer whatever they wish i don’t care. You can actually see which neighbourhoods are immigrant neighbourhoods on google maps: They all have satellite dishes so they can receive TV from their home country. All of the Dutch channels go via the cable (and the thousands of digital channels is still a new thing).

And i’m sorry i’m not gonna move from a neighbourhood without riots, TO a neighbourhood WITH riots, immigrants or no. I wouldn’t move into a Dutch “Folk” neighbourhood either. Especially if the government does nothing about it. You know how they used to take care of it? Demolish entire city blocks. I’m not joking, there used to be 3 very large 16 high (which is very high for my city) apartment buildings that had been built after WWII as sort of emergency housing in Tilburg North.

Of course as other better houses were built the local population moved out and immigrants moved in as they became the cheapest form of housing. Mostly African immigrants at that time. Over time, they became dilapidated, and a ghetto threatened to emerge.

They demolished effectively more then a thousand homes and rehoused the people, but offered housing spread out throughout the city instead of another apartment block. Because this moved the immigrants out of an environment where their own cultured ruled the day through majority, into a neighbourhood where completely different behaviour was the norm, they were forced to integrate through social pressure, and they did, as the cost of social adjustment was less then the cost of moving on their own. Ofcourse, the housing built in the place of the old apartment blocks was gentrified, with a mix between houses for sale (higher income groups) and social housing.

As a result, The Netherlands does not have ANY ghettos!!!

It works! But now, because people scream racism at the lightest touch, the feckless government does nothing, and the problem festers. If they can’t even enforce a simple curfew, how are they going to enforce people who actively won’t listen and that the government is actively afraid of?

My only real choices for a better life in my city via social housing are the 3 most expensive houses, all set to the very limit to what they are legally allowed to ask of me and my €15,000 a year income.

I won’t pay €633 by the way. The Dutch government gives out Rent Subsidy because they know they’ve created a problem. I looked into this when i moved in 2010 and the upper limit of rent was still around ~€511 (less then what i pay today). Because at first, i was looking at cheap housing, because i was afraid my government Wajong subsidy could drop or change at any time (and they did change it a few times over the years just to fuck with handicapped people, as they were nothing but budgetary measures to move numbers from one paper to another).

Had i rented what i originally planned, €350 a month, i would pay €210 in real rent.

If i looked for the maximum €511, i’d pay €250 a month in real rent.

My €450 apartment would cost me ~€230.

So i went for the expensive ones, considering it doesn’t matter. Just as an FYI for people who’ve never had to do this because they pay taxes, so their outcome is my income. I suppose that’s a nice way of putting it. Sorry gang! Just the system i was given.

The first apartment i won’t get. It has rules for renting, namely that you have to have lived in Tilburg for atleast 6 years to be eligible. I have, that’s not the problem, it’s “to reduce criminality and keep the area liveable”. NOPE! Been a sacrifice enough already.

The second house actually looks like a nice pick. Near an area i know, a park, has a little garden, attic. Even has solar panels! Also has everybody and their mother reacting to it. I can’t see my position in the queue as i haven’t uploaded an income statement (while supply has gone down, the data you have to supply to prove you aren’t a fraud has definitely gone up). But i can guarantee you, it won’t be below 40, with 10 years of subscription time. As a general rule on apartments like this, it’ll go within the first 5-10. Though to be fair it could be worse. My Swedish friend told me in Stockholm waiting times are 22 years, and we are headed there if we’re not there already. In the case of “Life Imprisonment” the Dutch government will re-review your case after 25 years. Pretty soon killing somebody is going to be the faster way to move to a new house.

And even though it looks a nice pick, people from other countries need to know how much space it actually is: 19m² living room, 15m² and 11m² bedrooms, closed kitchen, doesn’t say the space of the attic. Frankly, that is an appalling amount of space compared to the house i grew up in, which was in a row of houses.

3 full square floors: 2 bedrooms, master bedroom and bathroom on the top floor. Closed kitchen and massive living room on the second floor, enough for a couch and a dinner table side by side and you wouldn’t even reach the kitchen yet, or the sides WITH closets against the wall. Bottom floor had a second toilet, storage closet, garage, even a salon back room, leading to a spacious garden, as well as having a front garden space enough to park a car as well.

I remember my mother complaining about the rent getting high, somewhere circa 2000, when we still had the Guilder instead of the Euro. She didn’t wanna involve me in finances, but after some prodding i got her to admit the rent had finally reached 1000 guilders a month, even though it was social housing, which was alot at the time. Since 1 euro = 2.2 guilders, that was a monthly rent of €454, nearly exactly the same as the 1 bedroom apartment i moved into 10 years later. And i pay more then the social limit at the time that i moved now.

You know what happened to that house and every other one on that block? The housing corporation sold them into the private market, because the same cunts still in charge now sold everybody on the idea of Privatization being good and would depress costs. I’m not even gonna get started on the mortgage they advised my mother, at the start of 2008 no less. Fuck the government.

The 3rd apartment is decently spacious: 31m² living room, 9,58 – 11,98 – 12,08m² bedrooms. Maybe a bit much now even, but i don’t wanna move again when i start a family if i can avoid it. I don’t see why i have to move 20 times in my life “to keep the housing market flowing”. Also has an actual rent of €678, because of service costs, which aren’t reimbursed. Again hundreds of reactions, tens of which i can guarantee you i won’t beat, which is why i haven’t even bothered uploading an income statement yet.

I won’t go into housing further as that wasn’t the point of the article, but it’s just to show: ALL

the current problems are caused by DECADES of poor policy, and i’m NOT gonna trust these same assholes to make the right calls with something as complex as the virus any more, if they not only don’t understand the housing problems, but are actively making it worse for personal gain.

They fucked up at the start of the pandemic (refusing a parliamentary discussion on Covid on the January 29th because they didn’t think it was a problem), they fucked up at the beginning (the first strategy of the Dutch government was “Let it spread, herd immunity, YOLO”), they fucked up in the middle, REFUSING to either recommend or not recommend masks, because they knew N95 masks worked and non-medical masks didn’t, but they couldn’t possibly secure enough supply, so rather then do something about it as that costs money, they preferred mass-deception. Then in the middle of the summer non-medical masks suddenly, quietly and without warning became mandatory in public transport anyway, in the fall they became mandatory inside stores (BUT NOT OUTSIDE SO EVERYBODY PUTS THEM ON AND TAKES THEM OFF CONSTANTLY), and now, Finally, on the 26th my father told me they’re considering recommending N95 masks for the entire populace.

You know why? Because the price dropped after the initial supply spike and “they can now afford it”, though they will never say so and always deny it, because news flash, lying goes easier then breathing for these snakes. Naturally, they wasted the entirety of 2020 not building any factories producing N95 filtercloth so we could do it cheaply ourselves (Did you know the only limitation on production of N95 masks is the plastics-based filter cloth? Probably not), as well as be prepared for the 2021 lockdown and the 2022 lockdown to stop a mutated variant that isn’t affected by the vaccine, but now is not getting any food (AKA humans) because the dominant form is more virulent.

Once the dominant forms are vaccined out of existence, the resistant non-dominant ones out there become dominant due to, from their perspective, the amount of food available for multiplication greatly increasing due to stronger competition disappearing. Not fearmongering, not insanity, not some magical vision…. Just plain logical thinking and a little bit of knowledge about the food chain… That being Nature’s food chain. Also it’s basically how the flu and flu shots work. I thought these guys were advised by virologists, not mathematicians, but it seems i was wrong.

Allow me to continue showing their incompetence by continuing my journey through the inner city.

This street leads to “De Plus”, which is a brand of supermarkets here. I expected this to be one of the more dangerous parts of the journey, as there had to be people inside. Since it’s next to one of the main access roads but it would allow police many hiding spots, i would think they’d just set up a check point around that area if they weren’t on the square. But this street was shielded at least, while going towards the square directly would leave me exposed to patrols coming around corners.

Up ahead is “de Toermalijn”, which is one of the Coffeeshops in my city and one of the places i was a frequent visitor still living nearby (though i live closer to another now, more in walking distance). When i started smoking weed, it was still about €4 a gram, back in 2006. At the time, the governments “crack down” on illegal weed growing was just starting, so a few years later the price had spiked to €8 a gram, which is now the price of the cheapest 5 gram deals. €10 euro a gram for decent stuff is more normal.

My buddy at the time that i started informed me that €4 a gram was already considerably more expensive, thanks to the government, as when he started at 13, 6 years earlier at the time. “5 gram was een tientje” is what he said, so 5 grams per 10 Guilders, or 4,5 euros – Less then 1 euro a gram.

A primary school that’s located in this street. I feel for the kids, i really do, even though my elementary school days were horrible. Playing is a ESSENTIAL part of growing up with a healthy social conscience, and that is being completely devastated thanks to the incompetent rules of an incompetent government. We’ve known since February 2020 that kids are barely affected by covid – and i should know, i spent 12 hours a day reading every scrap of news i could find from January 11th onward. Because i realized the real danger: That history would be forgotten, as it has. Everybody is so worried with the calamity du jour people have completely forgotten the people who got us into this situation are STILL calling the shots!


I could predict it. I tried warning people, actively, but nobody wanted to know. “We’ll see” was the mantra of those on the “it’s not a problem” side during of January – February.

What frustrates me is that we saw, and people STILL can’t fucking cope. The government gets hit by scandal after scandal after scandal, and what do they do?

They resign 2 months before elections, where they’ll most likely just be re-elected.


When did “Everyone is equal under the law” become “Might makes Right”?

Especially if these cocksuckers don’t even HAVE any might. Still no foot police.

AND YES I SAID A COCKSUCKERS! You go look under every fucking George Carlin video and everybody is just begging for his return from the grave, but you say one dirty word these days and it ruins your whole argument and people won’t speak to you anymore. I’M ANGRY, AND WHEN I’M ANGRY, I SWEAR!

He’d call you all a bunch of fucking cocksucking pussies, and you know it. Standing idly by while the government fucks up little kids for no good reason.

Cowards! Bunch of pussy ass cocksucking cowards, i’m glad i’m dead so i don’t have to shoot myself!; Is what he’d say.

De Plus up close. Surprisingly still picture considering i could hear voices coming directly from my right, which is where the supply depot for De Plus is located and the next generation was hard at work keeping the food chain running. They sounded in relatively high spirits, though it was too muted to make out what they were saying.

I have to say, i hesitated here before crossing. As i said, there was clearly human activity here, so it would make sense there’d be police nearby. I stayed on the left side of the road in the dark until i could look around the corner, banners across the sidewindow of the store providing me cover.

There’s no throughway on the left which contains more housing, though there’s a street to the right behind De Plus next to the elementary school that affords many exits.

Welp, no choice but to look around the corner and prepare for trouble! Here goes!


Sorry for the picture being a bit shaky but before i passed that corner i didn’t know so i was quite pumped. Also the photo’s a different format because it seems i accidentally used the Photo mode which uses the normal 4k camera, instead of the 64M camera mode. But my eyes are pretty bad when it comes to high contrast lettering so i didn’t notice (then again that does afford me to spot light at a greater distance, as even small flickers turn into large rings of light on my retina). Keratoconus is the disease if anybody’s interested.

It was around this time that i started to suspect…. Maybe there wasn’t any foot traffic. Considering the situation that’s not something i’ll base my behaviour on – we’re in sneak mode until base.

But it was striking. If I where to set up a check point anywhere going into and out of the city towards the north, it’d be here. Further up ahead there’s a archway leading to the backside of the primary school i just passed, and NO ONE would spot that from the road. One guy to call it in, one guy on either side of the street to catch them. Easy peasy. They’re not that smart, so i expected just a car parked on the parking lot.

But no… Nothing.

As i felt a little bit more emboldened now, i decided to get some better shots. While i’m still going to assume there are cops everywhere, if i can’t spot any, clearly i’m currently safe, so i can take a few risks for a limited amount of time.

Even if somebody spots me it’ll be from a distance and i’ll have a head start.

Apparently the lens of the normal camera’s got a smudge on it and i need a better stabilizer on my phone, which is a shame, otherwise this is a beautiful shot if i do say so myself. This is the Besterdring, leading up to “De Besterd”, which is the name for the square there – located at the curve in the road up ahead.

As you can see, it’s completely deserted. Not a soul in sight.

I’ve come to call it “The Undead City”, because everybody is very much alive – but all locked away, so it looks and feels totally dead… Even though the lights are on.

I think the government will find out eventually that even dead cities can rise again, if they just harass them enough.

Ehhh… this one is a bit shakier. The road might’ve been empty now, i didn’t wanna waste time being out in the open like this, so i sprinted to the middle of the road, took a moment, then sprinted across the way, as i was headed to the right of the picture, as that place has a nice dark area with bushes to hide behind, nexto of a former gym that’s been closed for more then half a decade now.

Up ahead is the NS plein again, and it was pretty obvious even from this far away that it was as empty as this street.

Regardless the problem with avoiding guards are the patrol routes, not any given moment in time. So i advanced on the square, sticking to the right.

A sidestreet not far from the Toermalijn. This is another very long straight road that runs parallel to the railroad that crosses through the city center.

It’s one of those less-travelled roads, even though it’s in the middle of the city. Because everybody prefers “De Spoorlaan”, which is the road adjacent to the railroad on the inner city side, everybody just takes that road and there’s never been any significant traffic here. They ended up making that main road one way, and blocked off the way to the station for cars (GENIUS!), then built another road on the other side of the tracks, in between this one and the previous main one which i’m headed towards, which is now the main travelled road – and this one still sees little traffic.

This was my backup option; Getting home would take me an hour with such a wide berth of the city center. But i could damn near guarantee no police could be found in the entire street even with heavy patrols, a long street gives me as much range of vision as they have, and there are a myriad of places to hide and duck behind. Had there been a strong police presence in the city center i would’ve avoided all of it this way.

Even exit and entry of a street like this is quite safe. There’s usually a corner to stick to and lean around, you can spot people hundreds of meters away, and if they’re closer to the corner you can easily hear them, because police don’t mind their step as they walk with authority. Again i want to mention… It’s dead silent out.

“Het NS-Plein”, one of the 5 main squares. Still lit up with pretty Christmas lights, and no one around to see them.

Yeah, lets have that discussion too. The government’s ASININE AND FAILING CLIMATE POLICY!


I mean, are you for real?

We spent 2 decades worrying about terrorists and at the same time build a powersupply based on giant spinny things that can be blown apart by a single brick dropped from a drone?!

Yeah just hover the drone above the blades spinning up, jettison the brick and let the kinetic energy of a baked rock hitting a thin hollow fibreglass blade do the rest. Once one blade snaps off, even partially, you essentially have a very large off-centre spinning wheel.

On a stick.

Whatta ya think’s gonna happen? Hey don’t look at me i’m absolutely amazed it hasn’t happened yet. Just goes to prove how prevalent stupidity has become world wide, on all sides. Also shows how completely overblown the threat of “terrorism” is, since i could basically take out a windpark in a night with a single drone and a pile of bricks. Let alone funding a small flock of suicide drones that explode on impact. What do you think’s gonna happen in the next major conflict when sabotage becomes an important word again? There’s little as vulnerable to attack as a giant fucking windmill.

Meanwhile on the emission front, there’s still a Biomass powerplant in operation even though it’s already been proven that thing emits more emissions then traditional sources, not less, and doesn’t do a goddamn thing to solve the problem. What does the government do?

Keep running it.

Why you ask?

Cause they’re a bunch of fucking narcissists. You know what thé hallmark of a narcissist is?

They can Never admit failure. Any admittance of failure must be tied to a lack of consequences and serve as a distraction specifically. Trust me… I’ve got a few of em in my family tree.

Meanwhile, we’ve got (essentially) lit Christmas trees, a month after Christmas, and not using any of those small home tree lights either. These are industrial sons of bitches, which use up alot of power.

But Nuclear which produces 0% Co2 and has a total emissions profile smaller then Hydro power for gods sake, is evil. Why again, exactly? Cause it glows? Cause reactor designs more then half a century old blew up? Because the people got scared after an accident, and rather then soothe the people’s fears by showing competence and assuring that couldn’t happen here, they played into those fears, so that the population would become more fearful and easier to control over all.

Had we spent all the money, including subsidies, that we have spent so far on wind and solar power combined, we’d have cheap and abundant base load power by now. Instead, we give money to the Norwegians for Carbon Credits.

White guilt, lets talk about Green guilt shall we? The actual “green” slice of the powermix in the Netherlands is about 2%, because it’s more effective to get around the government’s bullshit on paper then actually deal with any problems, as that would limit their ability to legislate festering problems away and increase their power further. We ought’ve started mass producing nuclear reactor components ages ago and introduced economy of scale.

Oh right, they can’t even build one reactor cost-effectively because their corrupt construction lobby friends drain so much money out of the system, while they themselves stifle construction with so much regulation, that it’s just impossible to get any sort of iteration or mass production off the ground. For no other reason then Nuclear being the wrong sector, while the big spinny blades of bird-death are the right one, according to their friends.

That the people were against it is no argument. Logic and reason can be used to assuage fears. Just like it’s being used now to bring Nuclear back… Now that the western governments no longer have a choice because their idiocy is started to destroy electricity grids and hurting the fantasy that they know what they’re doing.

They have no qualms locking us all in our houses against our will and against any sense either, but a proper logical evidence based discussion is too much. A proper environmental policy based in reality costs actual effort, and might lead to the conclusion that their friends might not be the best investment… And we can’t have that, now can we?

The “Burgermeester Brokxlaan”. I took a sprint across the street after checking corners, because even though everything is clear, it’s a mistake to dawdle out in the open just because you think you’re clear. You never know who else is coming around the corner or checking their corners.

…I’ve played alot of Counterstrike and Battlefield back in the day. Competitively even, in the case of Battlefield 1942: Desert Combat. Best of the best Hind-D pilot ~2002-2003, woo! Though i prefer Unreal Tournament 2004 Instagib CTF (with low grav!).

No, being a gamer doesn’t make you some sort of violent lunatic. It stops me from killing myself, because rather then think about bad memories – arising from many traumas given to me by the systems instituted by the very same political parties that have been running the government for decades – i have to think about fools coming around corners instead.

As you can see, it’s a very long open street, and it is one of the main access roads. So rather then take a chance, i walked down this with haste checking my six. I saw some human activity here – i had to run and dodge line of sight with an oncoming car once, which turned out to be a delivery truck. And another person in the dark was preparing his bike to leave, though i don’t think he spotted me. So incase somebody accuses me of putting people in danger: If 1.5m is enough, 20m is.

The building i’m leaning against is “The Hall of Fame”, or the former railway maintenance yard. There’s a concert hall and quite a decent indoor area for skaters and skateboarders. Attended some championships there once where the champion ended up landing a 3m+ high jump after many tries and the crowd went wild! Good times.

Oldest guy in the competition was 26 years old by the way. Everybody else was younger, because physical activity is a young man’s game, and they wouldn’t be able to compete with the young’uns. Which is why it’s worrisome children have been indoctrinated for so long to just obey. Obey, Be normal, Be middle of the pack, don’t think critically, criticize everything you see anyway, and if you stray from the centrally instituted centrally checked curriculum, we will offer you all the help we can to force you into the mold.

If you don’t fit, tough shit. You are the problem. The rules never are. And everybody loves it.


We continue down the Burgermeester Brokxlaan:

This is the entrance to the railway underpass. This is another high-risk area, because while there’s plenty of places to hide if anybody else rounds a corner – there are many corners to round and it’s a chokepoint to get into the inner city. This is literally 1 underpass away from the MAIN central station! So that’s about as middle of the city as i wanna get in this direction. Meanwhile, what you’re looking at is a club/restaurant with the dance lights on, but there’s no one there. Very apocalyptic, and a good metaphor for the current status of society.

The other side of the previous picture, to its right. The formats changed again because after the long walk my camera app had closed so i had to reset anyway. Unfortunately the big sensor doesn’t handle direct light very well, and the non-active construction site’s very bright construction lamp is blinding the sensor.

Again, it’s not just the government. This entire society is rotten to its core. It’s dead quiet. There’s nobody in sight. There’s NO construction, NO activity.





I stopped separating trash properly a while ago. There’s no point. Asking everybody to separate their own trash is creating ~10 million points of failure. The recycling companies have LONG SINCE AGO reported that there’s no point and they run separators anyway because somebody always messes up. It’s just another failed policy that costs money in MANY additional garbage truck runs. You should’ve seen the maggots first summer they instituted that change and they only collected the perishable garbage (GFT for Dutchies) only once every 2 weeks. Budget reasons, of course.

View from around the corner. No one here, no sounds either outside of the cooling coming from the construction yard.

ALOTTA FUCKING LIGHT THO! No stealth option here. There’s places to duck behind in the club/restaurant area around the corner that’s pretty dark, but if you’re spotted, that’s game.

Up ahead the road dips into a tunnel to below the railroad tracks. Hard to spot a policeman walking up there, he’ll spot you first most likely. Since the club is a “beachclub”, there’s also sand on the ground everywhere making it a bit harder to get away still. So a walk and a prayer will have to do.

The bicycle storage on the northern end of the station. And it presented a little bit of a problem. It had 2 people inside; one that i saw walking towards it and another already inside. One entered, they spoke somewhat, and continued inside. But the other stayed near the entrance. So it’s very likely i’d be spotted, and i have no way to see up front who’s inside the building.

So here i applied a little bit of social engineering: Confidence. People, in general, are not confident about anything. They will pronounce anything with confidence, but pry deeper and point out logical inconsistencies, and their confidence breaks quite easy. The idiots who keep being given a voice on the internet and in the media distort things. In fact; having such confident idiots everywhere only raises the insecurities of the rest, who know they’re smarter, who think they oughtta be right, but can’t seem to get ahead in life while these idiots can.

Makes you wonder… “Am i the problem after all?”

Very insidious. But then again, i stand by my statement this society is rotten to its core, and the populace loves it. Don’t think and Arbeit macht frei.

Oh right the Auschwitz remembrance was a few days ago, how apt. I didn’t participate. Sure, it’s horrible what happened there… But much worse things are gonna happen in the future, as incredible as that sounds. We only see world war 2 in hindsight. We rarely see the behaviour of normal people leading up to that war, specifically 1928-1933, even though that is incredibly relevant to our current society!

The takeaway being here: The people will voteanybody into power out of desperation, even Nazis, as long as they promise a solution.

Even if those “Nazis” are the current government that fucked up every time so far, because all people can think about every single time is “i hope next time fixes it cause i’m at the end of my rope”. And we’ve got elections coming up soon.

Simple reason why i didn’t participate, is because i saw #Auschwitz trending on twitter in “politics” and my first reaction was “OH GOD what did the politicians do now?!”. The thought of “oh it must be an anniversary” came second, and i had to click on the hashtag to make sure that it was.

Once you’ve stooped that low, the memory of the fallen is lost anyway. Especially since i know what i’m saying, i know people’s reaction to it, and i’m doing it specifically to show how you can’t question anything anymore… Even whether or not the fallen are properly remembered, with due respect, by observing and changing your behaviour on a daily basis to prevent it from happening again. Not by giving them a day so you don’t have to bother with thinking about them 364 other days of the year. Which is what society truly wants, thus its violent reaction to any questions about that situation.

You all damn well know that’s where we’ve arrived at. Like the right tweet on the right day and you’ll get into heaven. It’s Sunday morning church, on demand. We’ve not progressed a day since 1930. And society will show this by creating new fallen to regret a decade from now.

If you want to REALLY remember and respect those dead, like i did, spend an hour of your life watching this horror show. After all. If humans don’t see it, it’s not there….

Not embedded, because it’s actually incredibly gruesome. It shows you what humans can really do when things get out of hand, and why we should NEVER go down that slippery slope, let alone let this get as far as it’s already gotten.

Read more about it here:

It is the best reminder i have for why restricting any one group’s liberty for any sort of reason ends up very poorly indeed. Be warned though: Those are the most shocking images you will ever see in your entire life. Not suited for kids. And remember: The general populace didn’t find out about concentration camps until 1945, when the Russians found Auschwitz. Which is why it’s so famous. Nobody wanted to know or think about it.

In any case; my tactic was dead simple: Mask on, hands in my pocket, look straight ahead and specifically don’t check corners.

Because if the person inside spotted me walking past there with purpose and without giving him any regard, his reaction unmistakeably will be “Oh he must have an exception” or “Oh he must be allowed outside” and continue on with their day. They will NEVER chase after you to verify if you should be there or not – even if they’re the zealous reporting type.

If you LOOK like you belong, 99,99% of the time, everybody thinks you belong. Works in politics too! Take that from a guy with severe autism, who has to actively behave autistic otherwise people can’t remember for more then 5 minutes cause my intelligence makes it look like i belong, EVEN IF I DIRECTLY AND REPEATEDLY TELL THEM OTHERWISE! And this is damn near universal with humans it seems, though i’ve finally found a few that respect and admire me for who i am.

Fucking maddening is what it is.

I made it past the bicycle storage no problem. Nobody followed me either, so i had plenty of time to snap a few pictures. No sound or people coming from the end of the tunnel as well.

The way i came, with a good picture of a restaurant, RAW. I’m not sure whether they’re still alive, but at the very least it’s already starting to look like a post apocalyptic scene with the graffiti on the blocks. (last minute update: Lights were on today! So not dead today, but later.)

I have to say, Catching Covid early and thus being able to move around during lockdowns with impunity (no one’s stopped me so far) has given me a completely different look towards disaster movies. Specifically, the question of how does the environment come to look like that?! Why is literally everything always a total mess?!

Well, if you assume the movies get the timing of events wrong for expediency’s sake and a collapse takes 10 years instead of 1…. It’s starting to look frighteningly accurate. The answer turned out to be simple: Because the people who could stop it with order, left it to the people who revel in chaos.

It’s not that some disaster happened and bad people overwhelmed good people. It’s that some disaster happened and the good people did nothing until it was too late. It’s not evil that grows, it’s kindness that shrinks until its gone. And then even worse future disasters are all but inevitable.

Railway overpass. When i was walking below it a train passed overhead; And i immediately got a flashback to playing Sniper Elite 3. It was almost like i could see the UI popup that said “Remember to use loud environmental sounds to hide your presence from the enemy!”

Followed immediately with “Oh shit that counts both ways doesn’t it” and i hurried back into the shadows.

Meanwhile, the lights in the underpass are very pretty. Also again, very wasteful if there is no one around to see them.

Meanwhile, in the distance is the “Willem II Straat”, named after one of the Dutch kings who had a soft spot for this city. He wanted to move the capital here, but ended up dying shortly before his castle was completed, unfortunately. Maybe the North would’ve been forced to care more about the South then, instead of stripping our resources and moving them up north.

That’s not facetious either. There used to be a famous animation institute in my city, built from the ground up in the 1980’s. Since i have a friend in Hong Kong looking to emigrate and looking to study animation, remembering the history of my city i looked for it first thing.

Closed in 2014. “Lack of funding”. So instead they packed everything up And moved it up north to Amsterdam.

Honestly if these fucking weakass sheep in the south knew anything about their recent history and what the government has done to them there’d be a revolt and a declaration of independence within a week. I Don’t consider anyone from around Amsterdam friendly anymore. Fucking Locusts.

Make no mistake: WE have to lockdown AND curfew, because THEY, up north, can’t control their fucking cities. Clearly it’s dead and dead quiet here, outside of one area, that would’ve never lit up had they applied policies that worked for years (but we gotta pity the Arabs so fuck the rest of us right?). Meanwhile all we are good for is taxes and a source of innovation. So Fuck em. WE don’t need THEM. They need us. Because there isn’t a lick of competency in the policy coming out of there, so individuals here have to fix their institutional mess. Mostly by just ignoring it.

And that went fine until people stopped ignoring it, started believing the dream, and went to sleep.

The Willem II straat, with The Grass Company next to it (yes, a coffeeshop). Another beautiful shot if i say so myself. Helps that the area was well lit and i was standing in the middle of it!

And i felt pretty safe to do so. Simply because;



To the point where, while i was walking towards it in the tunnel, i saw 2 civilian cars drive by. Gave me a good indication of how far i could hear, too. Result was still, pretty fucking far, because even the inner city was dead quiet. And again, it’s a perfect chokepoint with some very dark areas and clear multidirectional vision that could hide a checkpoint. If there was a war i’d 100% plan an ambush here, or atleast set up camp. All i found on the 27th was the sound of silence though.

As you can see, it’s another very straight long street. This way is pointed towards the main street of the city ring, which goes under the underpass i was trying to avoid as it leads directly to the center with nightclubs, a large movie theatre, and the church – the whole are being called “De Heuvel”, or the hill. Though these days there’s no hill left.

The construction housing on the left has been there for ages, though they added more stuff on the parking lots next to the railroad over the past year. Construction in our city is notoriously slow. It took them YEARS to construct the new bus station which really is just a slab of concrete, a couple of overhangs and some digital signs. It doesn’t even look that nice. Again – corrupt construction lobby combined with continually changing centrally planned demands. Everybody thinks it’s a disgrace, but nobody can or will do something about it.

Construction isn’t expensive. It never has been. It’s been MADE expensive, by government policy, directly as well as indirectly, through inflationary policies that are then denied to be inflationary. The reason why construction seems relatively expensive is because we’ve automated consumer goods and digitized the service economy. Both sectors have gone through massive technological deflation.

But construction is 90% human labor, still. Sure we can build heavy lifting machines, but it still takes a human to operate them – and we’ve reached the point where further automation increases complexity, and thus the salary of the more-skilled human operating the machinery.

And inflationary policies directly raise salary costs by destroying the value of the previous nominal salary. Naturally construction would be the most to suffer. We NEED currency deflation in order to make housing affordable again… no matter the cost. Even if that means current mortgages blow up.

People have seem to forgotten what reality is. So let me spell it out for you:

Mortgages are paper. In the end, we burn the papers, nothing happens.

Houses are concrete (atleast around here). Burn the paper, the concrete is still there. Make a new paper, the concrete is still there. Come to terms on the value of the paper, the concrete is still there. Reboot the system from a lower bar of entry that enables mass construction again without ill effects…. and the concrete is still there.



Globally speaking we’ve wasted an entire fucking year of forbearance on nothing. The current system is still here. It will still suffer. Houses are still grossly overvalued for the next generation. UNTIL THE PRICES DROP, THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE! NO MATTER WHAT THE GOVERNMENT SAYS!

The fact that half the country is up to their neck in mortgage debt and they can’t afford the prices to drop a millimeter or the economy blows up IS the fucking problem!!!

And as long as we collectively stick our heads in the sand it’ll never change.

Oh… and just to remind you of the little housing story above. I may be stuck here, but this is still a relatively good place to live on my own. It could be much worse. And since i’m already on the social minimum with my social security – which can never be taken away under the current system or you will get a revolt as we’ve already reached mass dependency on social security – my housing subsidy will just rise with inflation.

I already went through this. Years ago the government wanted to re-evaluate all the Wajong social securities. To see if anybody had “work capacity”. If you were found to have work capacity, your Wajong dropped from 75% to 70% of the minimum wage. There was a way to appeal though, so i appealed.

I was judged by 2 “doctors”. One from the UWV – the work governmental institution, who was there to judge “labor”, and one “insurance” doctor, affiliated with the insurers. Guess what she was there for.

I had a VERY long argument and discussion with the labor doctor. It was filled with absolute insanities to try and get me to admit i could actually work. But i’ll compress it down to the most insane part of the conversation:

“Could you scan documents in a room by yourself for an hour a day?”

“Wha… i mean, physically sure i can, my arms clearly still work i can’t deny that. But i can’t work with people and i hate authority! And if you put somebody with a hyperactive mind like mine in a room alone with nothing to do but scan documents, i’ll go crazy in a week! I swear to god my boss will end up dead in a week, cause again, i hate authority!”

“OK, but what if you didn’t have a boss?”


“I mean what if you didn’t have a boss, but you would just have a co-worker who’d brought you work and told you what to do?”


“THAT IS A BOSS! THAT IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF A BOSS! Then that would literally be my boss then wouldn’t it?!”

“No no it would just be a coworker who wouldn’t have any authority, but they’d just bring you the work and tell you what you’d have to do.”

“That is still a boss! And even worse because he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it! And aside from that i’d still be stuck in a room scanning documents all day going crazy!”

“But you could scan the documents?”


That’s verbatim by the way. I really threatened to kill everybody in the building. It got me as far as her giving up the documents, and pulling out a binder with jobs instead.

It will interest you to know that the UWV’s lowest ranked job, 101 in the binder, isn’t the famous among the Dutch “Schoffelen”, or tending to government plants planted around the city (basically every public bush and tree you see in the pictures). It’s a shame i’ve forgotten what they considered the most basic job, but i do remember “Plantsoenen dienst”, which is usually the stuff they have mentally handicapped people do (the stupid kind. i’m trying to be respectful here but even language has changed to lump everybody in together) – was 102.

The conversation ended when she was exhausted, and i later learned she approved my appeal though i still left with the feeling she wouldn’t. But in order to have the appeal go through, both doctors needed to approve.

The insurance doctor approved me for work capacity on the basis i could scan documents for 1 hour a day. Yes – i made it equally clear to her that i’d kill everybody in the building, that i’ve got a long history of trauma, that i had already tried to kill myself 5 times at that time (6 now), the works. Interesting detail: She never flinched once during the entire conversation. I’m 100% convinced she was a sociopath. It’s not because she didn’t approve my appeal. The labor doctor i would say definitely wasn’t intelligent…. But atleast she was a human and showed concern, it’s just that she was stuck between a rock and a hard place, being told from on high to approve as many people as she could. I can respect that. We’re all just trying to make it through life.

Atleast she wasn’t a robot. The insurance lady scared me, and i’m not easily scared.

Here’s the kicker. Do you know why they decided to re-evaluate everybody?

They sold it as “The Participation Society”, where a full review would give people more chances to reintegrate back into the working society, while currently alot of people had “fallen through the cracks”. I can even remember they showed an item on the Propaganda channel (WHICH ALWAYS ONLY HIGHLIGHTS THE GOVERNMENTS POINT OF VIEW YOU DUMB FUCKS god it’s infuriating) about a wheelchair bound guy who was so happy to feel useful again.

In reality however, is that the government was practising a fiscal policy called “Austerity”. This meant heavy budget cuts everywhere, at all costs. Wajong has long been a sore thumb because it’s a social security for people unable to work before the age of 18 – the permanently disabled. It’s law that i have this thing until i’m 75, upon which i get AOW – old age social security – like the rest.

And if they lopped 5% off as many Wajongs as they could, they could cut the budget in two ways:

1. Alot of the mentally handicapped have no idea this is appealable, cause in general they’re weak and vulnerable people. Not to mention “Being approved for work” is a literal meme among people declared 60% or more disabled . If you’re breathing, you can work. That’s the official policy of the Dutch government as far as we are concerned. They’d approve Steven Hawking for construction work (he can work the phones). Somehow when it comes to finding excuses to get people to work more or to cut social security further they suddenly display all kinds of creativity.

2. There is a thing called “The Social Minimum” in the Netherlands. You can basically see this as Universal Basic Income, with the only caveat being you have to be destitute. If your income drops below…. wait for it….. 75% of the minimum wage, you can apply for an additional government stipend which’ll fill up your income to 75% of minimum wage exactly.

And you can apply for those with…..WAIT FOR IT…..

The County.

Yeap. I know about this because i got a letter about it in the mail when i moved out on my own, about the additional social security to top you off. I applied for it (mainly because i didn’t know if i met the qualification or not and application’s free, so), and i did get additional money in 2010.

€4,65 a year. Cents per month. So i’ve got empirical evidence that Wajong in 2010 was the social minimum exactly, with no reason to believe that changed for the better.

It was a simple move-of-the-numbers from the national budget to the local budgets, so that the government could shrink (claim to shrink) the federal budget and the federal debt.

And because of all their stupid inflationary policies THAT didn’t matter one fucking bit in the end either. As you might imagine, i saw my income a lot during that period as i was worried i’d lose 5% of it in the transition. I didn’t, it was all smooth, like it was set up. OR they recanted when they heard i wouldn’t appeal the appeal (i’d have to travel to a different city for that ontop of everything) because “there’s no point, i know it’s a budgetary measure, i know the county will fill it up, and you people are horrible”; And maybe they got nervous from a clearly disturbed person giving up.

That’s something you’ll also find in the Netherlands. All government workers talk big. But the moment something might actually come back to haunt them, you’ll find they are the biggest cowards that walk this entire planet and will do anything to slime themselves out of any personal responsibility, often by cannibalizing their own and referring you to a different department who’s to blame instead. I’m ashamed to call myself Dutch because they call themselves Dutch too. Maggots, is what they are. Dirtcrawlers. I have NOTHING good left to say about Dutch civil servants of every type (though i’ll make an exception for firemen).

During that entire period, which was i think ~2014, i was getting ~€1182 a month ALL subsidies combined: Housing, Wajong, and health care subsidies – ANOTHER ONE of their brilliant harebrained schemes that increased medical costs, by decreasing quality of care to the point where it starts to increase costs through misdiagnosis and repeat visits. If you’re breathing you can work, and only when you stop breathing can you get into a hospital these days.

The last time i calculated it, which was a few months ago, i counted ~€1300 in income. Or ~10% more. So about +10% in 6 years. And they HAVE to raise that, because if the worst off can no longer afford life, the revolt happens quickly. This is not something they can hide with faking the stats: I don’t have enough cash to afford the increased cost of living, i’ll start throwing Molotovs and the courts aren’t even gonna blame me for it; Cause my psychological casefile is thicker then a book with covid restrictions. Naturally, here again, obscurity is their ally: The tax paying public has no idea any of this is going on as they don’t get the social security or the social minimum. They just pay their tax and trust the institutions to do their job, against all the continued evidence to the contrary.

They just get to pay for the increase in my income through ignorance. So thanks sheep! As always i will be fine. This is the danger of following any rules, even those that don’t make sense, until the bitter end. If you thought the Covid restrictions made no sense, wait until you learn about finance. #Wallstreetbets and GameStop did not too long ago it seems. Maybe now people will get it.

Go ahead. Feel free to stop the income of a mentally handicapped traumatized cripple, or try to cancel me. Think that’ll go over real well with the rest of the populace. And unlike the rest of the retards, i actually can express myself. Both eloquently AND fucking directly, if i have to. And i’ll never shut up again. Not for these cocksuckers. So lets continue the journey!

The other direction of the Spoorlaan, towards the central station, blocked by the construction worker’s cabins unfortunately – though they provide good cover for me as well. The lights in the distance are of a car. I couldn’t see if it was a police car or not, but i wasn’t eager to find out. I quickly crossed the street after taking the picture and headed towards the inner part of the inner city, where all the shops are.

A rear view standing in the Willem II straat. On the right hand side is a closer view of The Grass Company, the best known coffee shop of the town. As it’s situated in the main street towards the station it gets most visitor traffic i imagine. It’s not the one i go too, another is closer.

Meanwhile this rear view gives a good example of why i chose to hug the left wall of the tunnel, rather then walk on the right side, from this perspective. While alot of streets are old winding streets, there’s also quite a few long straight ones that connect the inner city with the outer one. A result from Tilburg not being historically a large city, but a collection of villages that simply grew so large they ended up connecting. De Heuvel mentioned earlier used to be a village of a few houses that grew so large it connected with the few houses of De Besterd.

Alot of the inner winding roads are those roads which simply connected the individual houses together. The long straight roads then were the direct connections to other clusters of villages in different locations. Which is why there isn’t really any rhyme or reason to their location or orientation – humans just built it out of necessity and their descendants kept on using them.

Really for Tilburg it explains why people still have a village mentality, even though there’s 200,000 people within the city limits now, and 250,000+ in the county, counting nearby villages that are again about to be swallowed up by a growing city.

And that conflicts really badly with the centrally planned utopian vision of a multicultural world society. Local culture is being replaced by various international cultures, by plan. And at some point the locals will revolt against this. The “rioters” aren’t only the troublemakers. They are the discontent and unheard as well – Those just don’t go off looting a store afterwards. “The Crazies” now provide good cover to arrest and register those most likely to rise up as well.

The governmental respond to the riots was the predicable “We don’t understand why anybody would do this”. Even though they’re directly responsible for both the troublemaker group and the discontented group being there. Shows the typical governmental attitude here. It cannot possibly be their fault, regardless of what happened, especially if any sort of violence is done. That’s just not done, even if they torture you! And yknow if they have to resign and receive free money for years while their friends find them a cushy Euro job, so be it. Atleast the Eurocrats appreciate them.

This is an interesting one, and another very topical to the current situation. A small garden in the Willem 2 straat. I can’t remember if this is the park or if it was another street, but i think it was. This garden is to commemorate Marietje Kessels, a well known local tragedy and even a national sensation when it happened in 1900. She disappeared, and after a large local search, was found after 2 days in the attic of a local church, murdered with signs of rape. The brutality of it all shocked the city and the nation at the time, as she was an 11 year old girl. The murderer was never found.

For Dutch people, there’s more here:

For international viewers, there’s a more well known parallel, equally apt to the situation:

In short; The tragedy of Kitty Genovese really happened, and lead to the creation of 911 in the United States. In the case of Marietje Kessels, the reason why it turned into local legend outside of the brutality, is because rumours that began to circulate among the clergy and churchgoers (which was everybody then) had it that the pastor of the church was the one who did it.

But he was never investigated or accused, because in those days, Accusing a member of the clergy was unthinkable.

According to the family’s survivors themselves, the pastor did it, the father having said he didn’t want to accuse the pastor to protect the integrity of the church. With what we know of the clergy now… I doubt anybody would even question such an accusation these days.

But say that the government’s health experts are making wrong decisions because instead of reality they spend all day looking at computer models; And you’re a heretic. We haven’t changed one goddamn bit.

The plaque to the left of the picture i think either tells the story in short or contains the poem that was given out on her obituary. Either way, whether it’s Kitty or Marietje, the same applies:

While we must all be afraid of dangerous people, we should be far more afraid of good people doing nothing.

Which is why i continue my journey home. And i made sure to take the time to have that picture came out as crisp as can be. Real respect comes from sacrificing a little bit of time – not during one specific day so you don’t have to deal with it – but when the memory passes you by, even if it’s inconvenient. So it can inform your behaviour on a day to day basis…. Rather then trying to get into heaven on a few Sunday morning hours a week. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t work, seeing as if there is a god, he’s likely to be considerably more insightful then me.

Had i lost my battle of stealth and gotten a ticket cause i spent too much time on that picture, i’d paid it with a smile.

(and i think this is a good time to take a writing break and combine the break with a commemorative smoke). Journey Continues on the next page!

Past the crossing near the park, a shot showing the middle of the street with the crossroads leading to the inner city shops up ahead (though there are a few in this street as well).

Naturally, this street is – i believe the technical term being – LIT A.F.!

Did you know that The Netherlands is one of thé most light-polluted countries in the world?

If you look up on a very clear winter night you can only see the brightest of stars. If it’s not perfectly clear you can count the stars you see on one hand. ANY Dutch city that you approach from a distance via some country backroad lights up the sky like a fucking football stadium.

Everybody talks about chemical emissions all the time as they’re the ones that kill, but what about reducing emissions that reduce the quality of life?

There’s no one here. Do we really need THIS MUCH light?!

Yknow why it’s still turned on right. “Cause it looks nice”. No you stop that. No, it does not have ANY other reason then that. There hasn’t gone any more thought into this then “Lets spruce up the city in wintertime” and then they forgot all about it and just let the government program run, because that’s what the government always does.

I genuinely propose one planned day not too long from now, where ALL Dutch cities turn off ALL lights between 0:00 and 1:00 (and shops turn off their displays too when they leave FFS we have the internet now i’m not gonna look at your limited inventory at 1 in the morning), just to show the population how bad the situation is, as many have never even seen the REAL night sky in real life.

Rearview of the road travelled so far. No sounds still. I was still moving about carefully, ready to duck behind cover as well as walk at an accelerated pace – but i’d switched to actively listening for sounds more then looking for movement, as it was pretty clear at this point… The city was deserted.

The pictures might make the low light situation a bit more visible, but there’s still light everywhere. The decorations above the street really don’t need to be turned on in an economic depression. Morale is shit anyway, those do nothing, especially not during the fucking curfew. Again, showing that the government doesn’t give a shit about conservation, they give a shit about which lies get them elected.

If they cared about morale they’d assign a bit of the stimulus packages to invest in digital entertainment.

We’ve locked everybody in their houses, but not a single person has ever mentioned investing some government money into a VR subsidy program.

Seriously? We have the technology to make people feel considerably less alone, and all we can think about is give it to the banks to keep the dying and broken system alive?

Did you know the US Federal Reserve spends $120 BILLION a month, every month, to buy $80 billion in treasury bonds and $40 billion in Mortgage Backed Securities (from Banks ofcourse) to keep the system alive? The Valve Index KIT costs about $1300 (converted from my price so it includes tax). $120 billion a month buys you 92,307,692 headsets. EACH! MONTH! A single month would create an entirely new digital economy from scratch. One. Month.

Well it’s clear what this is. Tilburg used to have 3 main movie theatres before the Pathé usurped the main 2 in a poorly planned big ugly grey box. But hey, it was big business so it had to come! The addition to the left is brand spanking new, built during the pandemic, so i hope they didn’t lend too much to get that done.

The small cinema that’s left has very niche screenings. Stuff you wouldn’t find in major theatres because they think there’s no money in it, like arthouse films obviously, but also stuff like Lord of the Rings marathons.

The Pathewould rather serve their customers lukewarm popcorn straight from a huge plastic bag (observed this happening to MY popcorn) which they can consume during a movie THAT’S WAY TOO FUCKING LOUD!


Kids in this day and age all have hearing damage it seems. It literally hurts me to go to the theatres cause the sound’s so goddamn loud. And guess what? I’m a classically trained composer. I’ve been highly trained to listen and that ability is very important to me, so i take good care to protect my hearing. My hearing might be slightly better then default, but the only reason why it’s so much better then “normal” is because “normal” now means “40% damaged”.

I’ve complained, nothing was done, so i stopped going to the movies and pirated stuff instead. Fuck you telling me i’m the problem for not wilfully damaging myself to equalize my ears with the rest of society. Y’all have gone crazy. Legitimately crazy. I’ll bet they’ll get a bailout too.

Made it to the crossroads. No one in this direction, another connecting road (though i don’t know what it’s called). The coffeeshop i go to is down the way here, called “De Muse”. Good deals, good weed, good people.

Just in case anybody calls me a racist, i’ve happily given a large portion of my very limited income to a bunch of Moroccans for a very long time with a smile, even though the first 3 suicide attempts i had was because White teachers were too afraid to deal with an aggressive 10 year old Moroccan kid.


As somebody who has the memory of spending 45 minutes of tying shoelaces together while crying, to make sure that This time the rope wouldn’t snap (pulled the plug from the ceiling instead), because of these fucking cowardly teachers refusing to step in to protect me, and instead, chose to sacrifice me because they were scared of a 10 year old aggressive boy.

I’m telling you. I have the right of speaking here. I’ve not had a day of white privilege in my entire miserable fucking life. It’s NOT fucking racist when you say “those fucking Moroccans”.

Because THOSE fucking Moroccans ARE the problem!!!!!

And it is THEM who have everybody convinced that when you say “Moroccans” combined with anything negative, you’re a racist.


I’ll advocate for catching the white criminals just as much, but that’s not what the police is doing either. Instead they’re letting the brown ones run wild, while keeping the decent white ones with grievances as much as they can under control cause they are actually dumb enough to listen to their harassment; While in reality the police serve as nothing more then thugs and instruments of fear.

We all know that the fines in the Netherlands have long since stopped being about punishment and regret, and are nothing more then a way for the government to tax the people without taxing them more directly – As the highest income tax bracket for Dutch people (+€68k a year) is 49,5%.

That’s the income tax burden. Not the VAT tax. Not the gas tax. Not the electricity taxes. Not the county taxes. Not the water taxes. Not the various environmental taxes to “save the environment” while the cities are so bright you can’t even see the shape of the country from space during night time. I would try to list more, but it’s depressing enough as is.

And i don’t even pay most taxes since my income is government taxes! Still pay county tax though, so that’s still the government giving the government money.

Now, i don’t mind paying taxes either, even if i had a large income. As long as it’s properly spent, it’s fine.

We’ve had a decade of budget cuts in social and medical care, leading to Covid damn near overwhelming the hospital systems if people hadn’t campaigned like hell to “Flatten the Curve”. Remember that one? I wish we could be proud of it, because it is one hell of an achievement that we got it done…. But because it later morphed into “Eliminate the enemy at all costs” i just can’t.

Especially not because the virus was wilfully let in by that very same government, which now refuses to deal with the outcome of that decision, as i’ve literally never once in my life seen a political figure truly take responsibility, and have their future ruined like the futures they themselves ruined. I’m talking jail time, maybe even life imprisonment. Lord knows plenty of them deserve it.

Because despite everything i’ve told so far, the decision to cut €1,5 billion in taxes by eliminating the Dividend tax – all to just keep one company’s headquarters here who later said it wasn’t even a big part of their decision and left anyway – could be practically decided in a day.

Not only that, but THAT’s the hill our previous 3 time and probably soon to be 4th time prime minister decided to die on!

Literally EVERYONE said it was a bad idea, and HE was the very last holdout.

Meanwhile i get approved for work while threatening to kill an entire building.

The problem isn’t with him. He’s a narcissistic sociopath with no feeling for humanity. He will lie and claim to have forgotten the second it benefits him and only him.


They feel as if they don’t have a choice. HOW IS LITERALLY ANYTHING WORSE THEN THIS?! Atleast the Africans can just bribe their local officials and still do things if they have money. Here everybody believes the lie so thoroughly, they’d arrest you, even if the bribe were to save your life. They won’t lie for you, even if it would save your life and society.

Freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength, war is peace. Again, ask the Syrians, who he bombed.

Another beautiful shot if i do say so myself, the crossroad leading to the inner city shops. I mean, aside from the lights being terribly wasteful, it’s still pretty. Shots like this is why i went out. If people don’t see it, it’s not there. Art has a long history of having a powerful impact. As such, i’ve titled this shot:

“You can’t see this.”

I forgot to photograph the other direction towards the Ferdiplein, another square with alot of shops. While it was pretty clear my immediate surroundings were clear, i wasn’t gonna tempt fate. Besides i’d actually seen some enforcers there another day before the curfew was enacted, so i guessed they would check from time to time (though, it appears i guessed wrong).

Regardless, i still wasn’t in a mood to dawdle and continued down this way.

Reaching the main shopping street of the inner city, i actually had the first moment where i had to dive behind a tree to take cover. The trees in the street are in big metal boxes above ground, because we’ve mastered fucking nature… Ehh i mean, fucking mastered nature. In any case, it provided good cover to hide behind and crawl around.

I heard a car came up the way from the left of this picture at considerable speed, so i thought it might be police as cars aren’t supposed to drive through there. Watching from behind my panic-box, it turned out to be a civilian car who turned into the street to the right of the picture.

I mean, i have to say, my inner ninja doesn’t feel very satisfied with the whole experience. I was expecting trouble. I wasn’t expecting a Spanish inquisition.


No, not even a meme this time. It was that quiet.

Anyway, the snackbar in the picture is the well known FEBO. I don’t eat there, last time it was disgusting, but there’s still plenty of foot traffic. And it shows how much of a workers town this is, because just as long as the FEBO has been there, there has been a jeweler that i’m standing next to on the left side of the picture. And there’s another jeweler to the right and another one a little bit down the way.

We have Jeweleries surrounding a snackbar. And we’ve had that for Decades. The FEBO burned down completely along with the historic building it’s in a few years ago. Nothing left but a facade. They rebuilt it, snackbar and all. That’s Tilburg fer ya, if anything.

The road nexto the FEBO leading to the other side of the city ring leading away from the center. I wish i could give you a better shot, but there’s construction in the way. As usual. Didn’t see any sewage pipes so maybe they’re pulling fibre. They did plenty of that in 2020 too, which i don’t mind i guess except that too comes years too late because the government gave up in supporting internet innovation like in the 90’s, and now support monopolization. I’ve basically got a choice of Cable at 500mbits or phonelines at 40mbits. Sure it’s fast now, but sure as shit not more stable.

They’ll rip open the road here if there’s a leaf dirtying it. I mean just about every road here is bitchin’ i’ll admit as much. I’d invite every Belgian over for a car trip just for the experience. And maintenance is a very real and important thing.

But i swear to god, NONE of these governmental agencies that need to put things into the ground talk to each other, because the bicycle road and sidewalk under the railway underpass that i travel many times a month, was ripped open atleast 6 times within 2 years that i counted, and it’s still blocked off regularly. I’ve given up trying to check what the hell they’re doing.

The government here will very happily put 1 cable into the ground, pave it with asphalt, then rip it open 3 weeks later to put in the next one. And everybody will shrug and say, every single time, “well we couldn’t have known we needed to put another cable in”.

Mainly because everybody stopped asking questions and started doing as they were told a long, long time ago.

A look down “De Heuvelstraat”, the main shopping street of Tilburg. Sorry for the blur, it seems my fine motor skill deficiency got the better of me, even though the nervousness had left me at this point.

There’s absolutely no cover here. There’s 4 very long straight directions from which i can be spotted. I’m lit the fuck up. I’m practically standing in the middle of the main crossroads in the main shopping street.

If this was a military assault, they’d say i was more exposed then your average pornstar during a gangbang.

But…. nothing other then eerie silence again. Even the noise from the car that had passed previously had disappeared in the distance.

The main shopping street, the other direction. Another pretty picture, another street lit the fuck up when it doesn’t need to be.

Again it’s pictures like this that make me feel good that i went out.

These are truly unique photos and moments, and i was the only one to experience them fully.

That’s something no one can ever take away from me again. The 27th of January 2021 isn’t gonna come back. I’ll have the memory of the adventure forever.

And that’s the real tragedy here. Everybody thinks things are going decently well, only because they can’t think for themselves anymore, so they don’t understand what other options there are which lead to better results. It’s not the relative current outcome that matters. It’s the best objective out of all outcomes that has to be chased.

What has improved from wasting the night of January 27th? The pattern of both case counts and deaths hasn’t changed at all from an already declining trend before then. It’ll level off then drop like a stone when the sun comes back, just like 2020. The protests of 2020 ended up not doing much, while the relative peace of the fall saw cases explode. We achieved nothing so far but wasting time trying to prevent a virus from spreading that was actively let in in the first place.

The night of 27th of January 2021 is forever lost, to everyone but me. But i’m happy i can share a little bit of it in the end ^_^ Sharing is Caring!

A construction site in the middle of the city. I don’t know what they’re building, i haven’t checked. By now i’m too cynical and am of the opinion of “i’ll see whatever crazy idea they’ve come up with this time when it’s done”. At this point i just hope it’s not another grey box.

Never the less i wanted to take a picture because building all of this makes quite a bit of noise (not to mention the giant crane), and since i live on the other side of the buildings on the right – i can confirm they not once stopped building whatever the hell it is they’re building, all throughout the pandemic. I’m sorry but i can’t see why construction is essential when they refuse to build housing.

But remember kids. YOU are the problem for not wearing your ineffective non-medical mask whenever the government dictates it’s important to wear and when it’s fine to not wear them, such as immediately after you leave the shop.

Can we be real about the masks?

Can we actually be real for once?

The only reason why they’re still mandated and people want them is because no one trusts anyone anymore to as much as put a hand infront of their mouth when they cough.

And i can prove it: There’s hand sanitizer everywhere. Covid either spreads through only droplets, or also through aerosol (hint: it’s aerosol we’ve known since the 20th of February 2020 when Japanese researchers found out and Chinese researchers confirmed it). IF it spreads through aerosol, the non-medical masks are useless by definition. IF it spreads through droplets only, nobody trusts anyone to cough into their hand then sanitize it after. No, Masks AND sanitizer. Everywhere.

Oh; And for you germaphobes i’ve stopped sanitizing my hands in stores a long, long time ago. Even though i know that washing hands actually is very effective at stopping germs!

…But so is sanitizing the cart handles before i touch them, and after i’ve touched them, before anybody else touches them. The virus doesn’t have 9 lives like a cat yknow.

So i’m wearing a mask so it can’t spread. I’m sanitizing my hands too, then i’m using my sanitized hands on a sanitized shopping cart. I then go around never touching food until i pick it up and put it in my cart once.

I never touch anything anybody else touches. No one does. Then at the cash register i pay contactless. Naturally, the cashier still handles every single item on the conveyor, and some of the older ladies only have face shields on which blast air down in a downward trajectory, so the entire system has one point of failure that negates everything and just covers the customers products in virus particles, should the cashiers have it. I don’t have to ask if they get regularly tested.

Naturally, the cart is sanitized upon return and i bring my produce home. Because of the above i stopped being careful because, despite all the rules, there are still infections happening.

No i don’t care that we’re currently still flattening the curve. I know. I was one of the people trying to move you dumbasses to start that in the first place! But at the time, it was because we had no treatments on an unknown virus that was rampaging out of control because everybody refused to take it seriously until the bodies started piling up!

But news flash. 2021 isn’t 2020. We’ve learned many and much better ways of dealing with the virus. Deaths are below the March peak, with literally 10 times the number of cases.

Was the 2020 lockdown justified? Yes, with the caveat that it only was because February and January was spent jerking off and worrying about closing borders being racist. YES THAT HAPPENED AND I’M NOT GONNA FORGET!

Here’s why the first lockdown was justified:

The second lockdown wasn’t for the exact same reason: This time, we knew. We knew, and we still did nothing.

“Nobody could have known”, the government will cry.

This is a lie. The government could’ve have known. Directly. And as always, i have proof. Because unlike the rest of society, i can think ahead. I’m not afraid to open my mouth even when i’m deathly afraid of contacting people. Because i realized… It’d either help save people… Or serve as Evidence of Crimes Against Humanity. Consider this the reckoning.

I sent the RIVM a mail myself after being infected by the virus and being unable to get tested anywhere! The video link is one of Chris Martenson’s videos with the latest up to date info on the virus. This was when the official policy, on the 7th of March, was still “If you haven’t been abroad you can’t have it”. Even though i got infected on February 17th and the first “official” case wasn’t detected until February 28th. And even then – That was a week ago at this point.


The tags are of the ruling parties only (gee i wonder why i did that), and it reads:

“Are we going to wait for it again or are we going to be sensible and take precautions this time?

Highest number of cases since the lockdown. A certain number of cases isn’t bad; Provided it’s a flat line – Not a nice and straight ascending line”.

Feel free to check that date against the graphs above.

Naturally, i’ve tweeted and retweeted about this many times, in Dutch, in English, using Dutch tags…. They are, by far and away, my least liked posts on any important subject. As far as i could see, only 2 people ever reacted…. To point out a spelling mistake in my Dutch.

God help me i truly believe the Dutch populace deserves the hell that’s coming in the next few years. They’ve called it upon themselves because they were thirsty for it. That’s the sickening part. I’ve never seen a population desire its own destruction so badly. It’s gotten to the point where The Bronze Age Collapse is starting to make sense to me. A civilization can self-destruct. All it takes is selfishness and a refusal to listen to reason by the general population.

Not in terms of money or wealth. In terms of Apathy. In continually demanding to be able to think less, because it’s thinking about the way reality is hurts, and they seek emotional deadening rather then a solution. I used to think suicide was “the easy way out”, but i’ve long since recanted.

Trust me. Most of them while reading all of this will say “Don’t panic so much everything is fine now” (Recency bias), “Things have always be fine, they’ll turn out fine now” (Normalcy bias), “It’s always recovered before why wouldn’t it do so now?” (Gamblers fallacy), “Don’t make such a fuss everything’s under control, you are just stressed out” (Gaslighting) or “The government will find a way to fix it” (just straight up Stockholm Syndrome). And that’s just things i heard in immediate surroundings.

If there’s one dirty lil Dutch secret, it’s our “International Reputation of Tolerance”.

Total bullshit. It’s not tolerance. It’s that Dutch people don’t give a shit about you or anyone but themselves. Even “development aid” is nothing but pure white guilt. Does nothing for the people it’s going to, absolutely nothing. Economic development actually would, but then they’d compete with us on the international market and we can’t have that. As far back as highschool a teacher told us there was no point because whatever we gave to Africa in development aid came back double in loans we made to those countries. Which my father later disputed saying we forgive those loans all the time because they can’t pay, which is also true.

It used to be that religious people fled to the Netherlands because they wouldn’t be persecuted here for their faith. In fact, it’s how Amsterdam got rich in the first place, because persecuted but wealthy Jews fled there during the reformation – which in those days, influx of people meant Capital Inflows.

Luckily we got rid of the Jews in World War 2 so we got to keep the money ourselves!

… What? Little bit too rough around the edges? I hear you scream anti-Semitism? No no no, not at all, i’ve got nothing against Jews. You gotta remember, i live outside of society. It literally wants nothing to do with me in every possible way.It’s juice i don’t like.

I’m merely making an astute observation about reality.

Oh, you thought i was exaggerating, didn’t you? That’s not the results you wanna have come up on a search engine. Naturally, this society and culture are telling me i’m the problem for questioning the rules.

I think you understand why i find it sickening to see the Auschwitz tag trending on Twitter so i can “Like” this memory. Well, alright then.

#Auschwitz #Highscore

Not the right ones? Well i can’t help it i’m autistic i don’t know these things. Seems on point to me.

Reminder that the current anti-covid rules are being made and enforced by a government that literally just fell, over a massive scandal where they unjustly called the weakest in society frauds for many years and repossessed social security, leading to bankruptcies, depression and suicide.

It took YEARS of parliamentary fighting to get them to acknowledge anything, at which point the government fell, 2 months ahead of time of elections, but the same government could continue to make decisions on Covid as if they’ve handled any of that competently.

So in the end the victims got a 30k payout. The IRS that had been screwing them for years immediately possessed it to clear debts. Another outrage, all debts were cancelled. After they were, these people lost their governmental protection, because the government is a preferred creditor. When the debts cleared, all other creditors were once again able to garnish wages and pay, the 30k mostly went poof immediately, and any possible debt relief was put on hold “because these people have money again now”. And i’m the bad guy for making a comparison to Nazi’s?


“Fascists believe that liberal democracy is obsolete and regard the complete mobilization of society under a totalitarian one-party state as necessary to prepare a nation for armed conflict and to respond effectively to economic difficulties”

I’m sorry but “5 political parties that keep rotating power for 80 years and actively conspire to keep new parties out of parliament and ruling coalitions” basically counts as a one party rule. If i at this point wanted to vote for a different representative it’s impossible, because the voting base of those 5 historical parties is so fucking large and immovable, they will always be in a position to blow any upstart party up.

We got close once. That ended up the first political murder in 400 years. Funny that. Did you know the guy who did it got 18 years in prison and was released after 12 years? That’s cause he was designated extreme left instead of right. The last guy got horse drawn and quartered.

A reminder from history to our prime minister what happens when a supposedly great leader is shown to be an idiot in the end:

“The complete mobilization of society as necessary to prepare a nation and respond to economical difficulties”. Think we’re pretty much there at this point. As for the liberal democracy being obsolete:

We’ve had 2 major referendums in the Netherlands on the EU. First on the EU constitution – We voted No. They got rid of the anthem, changed the name of “constitution” to “treaty”, passed it anyway.

Second one was on an association treaty with Ukraine to start a path to inclusion into the fourth Reich *COUGH* i meant the new world order *COUGHHACK* i meant, the European Union. We voted no again. They added an objection to the text, passed the thing wholesale anyway. Didn’t help that the referendum was planned basically after it was already passed at the European level.

So what did they do in response? Got rid of the referendum altogether. In a government including the party that had fought to get a referendum option to begin with for decades, D66!

Their excuse? “Well it’s a hassle and non-binding so no real point anyway”.

When the government thinks it’s a hassle for their people to voice their opinion, because it differs from their policy every single time, and they get rid of the vote as a result….


…Oh i’m sorry, i just read Wikipedia again, and it says Fascism is placed on the far-right side of the political spectrum. Ah, of course. Can’t possibly be the case then that the left leaning parties have anything to do with the views of the National Socialist German Worker’s Party. Ignore i said anything! I’m on the spectrum too after all, so i sympathize. Back to the journey.

The brand spanking new Tilburg City Hall. In fact, it is so new, that the front of the building is still a construction zone. Naturally, this building was built before and during, and finished, during the pandemic. As far as this building is concerned, very little happened. Looks expensive. Glad my ridiculous housing rents still buys them nice stuff i suppose.

If construction slowed down at all i wouldn’t be able to tell. It is a government project, after all. The shop in the foreground used to be the “City Office” where you can buy county affiliated stuff, it functions as the county store if you will. I forgot where it’s located now, but i do know the temporary office where i got my current ID is located behind the bus station. I thought the store’s nearby there as well now.

This is maybe the most important photo of this entire report. You might think it’s about the travel agency in the background, but that’s not the case. It’s about the two empty poles on the ground infront of where i took the picture.

You see, to the left of the picture is an Asian restaurant, think it’s Wok stuff; I’ve never eaten there. But the point is, there is one thing materially different this time around, and i noticed it on the way to my father walking through the main road in the inner city where alot of bars and cafés are located:

All the terraces are gone.

Now i don’t know if the government mandated this, i didn’t hear or read anything about it. I do know they published a ridiculously long and specific list of what to do, trying to micromanage every aspect of life like fascists would, so who knows. Maybe they wanted more sidewalk space.

But what’s striking to me, is that it feels as if all hope is gone.

It feels like the restaurants have just collectively given up. Because it makes sense right, if restaurants would keep anything going it’d be the terrace, as indoor dining is out of the question for a while at any sort of capacity.

I walk that route to my father often, including in the first lockdown as i caught the virus early and couldn’t be a threat at that point. During the first lockdown the behaviour of the restaurants was universal as well: Renovation. The only cafes and bars i didn’t see working on the outside were the brand new ones which didn’t need any work.

The bar across the way which always pumped out dance music wayyyy too loud at ungodly hours fell silent and turned into a café instead, sharing the outside area with the nightclub next door. I remember a very nice night in the warm after-summer air, where it was fairly busy outside there so you could hear the sound of mingled conversation, and instead of thumping music at ungodly volumes, there was some light accompanying jazz in the background. I remember tweeting out that it was… quite nice. I felt like maybe something good came out of all of this too. I’ll show you a picture of how it looks now later.

Up until the curfew, the sidewalk was still littered with terraces everywhere, even though they were shut down by decree. But now that it’s instituted, even a few nights later, you see the outlines of objects that have been there for a long time but are now gone on the sidewalk.

And this is universal! Bars, Cafés, Restaurants… Anything in the hospitality industry has just….


What worries me even more, is that i passed 2 bars that tried making the best of it. You know what both of them did?

Fruit stands. At the end of their property/outside the door.

And not any market stands or anything either! BOTH had the classic fruit stand made out of wood and with a slanted roof.

It looked medieval. Full blown dark ages like in the movies. I’m not joking, while i passed the first one i thought it was cute and kind of sad. When i passed the second one that looked very similar… i got scared. My city is regressing into the dark ages at a very rapid pace, for no other reason then that the enlightenment has ended. People don’t seek knowledge anymore, they seek false comfort.

The Dutch populace is SO cowardly, they will accept literal medieval practices over disobeying the rules!

I’ve long since passed embarrassment and i just feel incredibly depressed. Because this isn’t in my head. This is real, this is happening, right before my very eyes. I don’t think i’ll ever witness a more depressing sight in my life. It’s one thing to go through a tough time… But it’s another to see the entire city fall apart infront of your eyes…. willingly.

You people need hashtags these days to rally behind? Fine.


The road behind city hall leading towards another church in the city center, with cafes to its side. Though it’s too far away to see if there is anything left of them.

Again this is a very long straight street, with plenty of visibility in all directions, in one of the most light polluted cities in the world with very little cover…

And there’s no one. Complete silence.

Up ahead is another main square of the city, “Het Koningsplein” or “The King’s Square”. The building to the left of it is the former main library of the city that got closed down a few years ago. I have good memories of discovering the internet in there, paying 2,5 Guilders for 30 minutes of internet, mostly spent chatting on Isle chat (the chat associated with the main search engine before google, if i remember correctly).

Currently it’s still being used as a county office on the backside, but the main two floors have been completely empty for a while. I live directly behind it so i can see inside just sitting behind my PC. There has been some activity over the summer, i’ve seen people measuring up the inside space, but nothing has really been going on. Sometimes the light is on, sometimes not, but they are taking one hell of a long time to actually do anything with the space.

There was talk of demolishing the building when the county got the plan to revamp the square, which could use a touch up to be honest. Though i think that’s been put on hold now (atleast i hope so).

And while this area might be tranquil now, that wasn’t always the case in 2020. So please let me show you how this area looked like on July 26th around 0:30.

What you’re looking at is the “Tilburgse Kermis”. A long and historic event for the city; In normal times the entire inner city closes down, and the streets passing along the main squares are filled with rides like this. It’s basically an urban fair, that gets built in 3 days, runs for 9, then disappears within 3 days again.

It’s a long tradition here that goes way back to before the time when we had machines and hydraulics to assist in construction. In ye olden times, it took 3 weeks to construct entire rollercoasters as well as all the rest of the rides, the whole thing ran for 3 days, then it took 3 weeks to deconstruct again. Please remember that the times before Internet, TV and even Radio were alot slower and alot more boring.

As you might guess, it’s a very large income for the city, much like the cancelled Olympics, Oktober fest, every football match since the beginning of the pandemic, and so on. But naturally, it’s not a good idea to crowd people during a pandemic, so, what do?

Well. The county limited it to 1 street instead… Of course the street outside of my door so i had to ask permission to enter and leave the area. To be fair, they closed off the ability to sneak through pretty quickly. Consequently everybody was funnelled through the beginning and end of the streets, and if the people count got too high, people were rejected and had to go to the square instead – Which was also filled with rides but it was separated from this street. They had guards stopping people if it got too busy.

Now to be fair, this was half an hour before close on the final day, so i could understand being slightly more lax. So here’s a picture of the 18th of July 2020 instead, taken at 15:11.

This was the weekend before during the start. As you can see there’s plenty of room to move about and i do prefer this to the crowded streets of normal years… But it’s not exactly… sanitary, is it?

I mean at this point i don’t care, i’ve long since figured out that the virus is smarter then humanity and it’ll play with us for as long as it wants. We weren’t smart enough to beat a virus in 1920, we weren’t smart enough to beat it in 2020, maybe 2120 will have a better go at it. I’m not saying we should do nothing and give up, i’m just saying at this point, it’s just too late for alot of things that would’ve worked at the beginning. Planning for perfection never works.

Also you’ll notice nobody is wearing masks. Regardless of the discussion of efficacy in 2021, back in July our Prime-Minister had just spent 3 months saying that he wouldn’t recommend masks, but he wouldn’t recommend against it either. “Every man should decide for himself” was the official policy, even though the populace pushed him to recommend them. No education on masks either.

Well fine, everybody decided they don’t work then. During the first time me and my family went to the Kermis (fuck it if no one cares, i’ve had it) i saw a grand total of 4 masks on people.

And that would’ve been fine, if they didn’t suddenly, out of nowhere and without warning, became mandatory on public transport. In Mid Summer. That wasn’t a very pleasant experience.

And then they became mandatory in shops in the fall. Naturally – the police can’t possibly enforce this per person. So rather then issue fines to the citizens, any shop found with a person inside without a mask gets fined €4000 per violation. Since the shops can’t afford that, nobody got in anywhere without a mask. Genius. People’ve started to figure this out on their own though…. Since there’s never any police anywhere in the shops that i can see, though “i hear they check”.

But yknow. Simpler times. The other direction from July 26th. That same asshole prime minister had to step down over the IRS scandal of accusing thousands of people on social security wrongly of fraud.

You’ll find that whenever there’s a situation where any of his decisions actually have consequences that might come back to haunt him, Mark Rutte never makes a solid call. There’s always an opening to slither away through like an octopus; then later claim he doesn’t remember. Like any good sociopathic narcissist; Getting away with it is preferable over admitting wrongdoing at any cost.

I’ll advocate for local government any day. And we do have a popular local politician, who’s currently got the biggest party in Tilburg because alot of people vote for him.

He’s not in the local government, because the other parties which are local chapters of the federal government parties collude to exclude him!!!

His name is Smolders, and happens to be the former driver of the politician that was murdered that i mentioned earlier. WHAT A FUCKING COINCIDENCE THAT IS, ISN’T IT?!?!?!

No wonder the government reacts heavily to any possible threat of violence. While i will say clearly; I will not commit acts of violence…. They all deserve to burn none the less. In the next life, and in this one.

If they want to return to medieval practices such as Serfdom, Feudalism, Debtors prisons and the abandonment of Magna Carta… Then let’s fucking bring back burning Bitches at the stake too.

Back to January 27th, the photo is a bit blurry as i was in no mood to wait too long. While i couldn’t hear anything coming, on this side of the building i can’t hear cars coming around the corner ahead, so i was more or less trying to get the picture quick and duck away if i had to.

Regardless i think the point is clear. In the middle of the curfew, in the middle of the main street of Tilburg that is the most travelled even during the curfew – I can make a picture and not get caught.

Up ahead to the left (blocked by my cover) are, or used to be, bars that stretch around the corner, where also the city’s McDonalds is located – and has been for ages. Though these days it’s mostly kids outside waiting to go deliver somebody’s meal.

Behind the former library to the right is the building where i live. I was lucky enough to get an apartment around the corner, away from the main road. I pity the people living nexto it, because that kermis is 9 days of noise from noon until 01:00 at night. Though we know what we sign up for.

A few years ago some civil fucking servant had the bright idea to extend the opening hours of the Kermis to 02:00. And i can tell you, from living nexto the kermis for so long before and after the change…. You can really feel that extra hour. It is exhausting. Yes when you go live there you know what you sign up for, but i never signed up for that cause it got changed later.

Naturally, the change was made by a civil servant living nowhere near the people affected by his change directly. They just see extra income on a balance sheet and get a pat on the back from their boss who also lives nowhere close to the bad effects of their decisions.

Every time they do, things change real quick. Funny, that. It’s almost like local government works.

Another pretty picture, that i think encapsulates the madness of the current policy perfectly. There are few places in Tilburg that are supposed to see as much traffic as this area. The market on a Saturday also takes place on the king’s square and extends across this area to around the city hall (construction fences permitting). This crossing is this wide for a reason, on some days it needs to be.

To be fair, had our overlords on high never decreed this absolute stupidity, i would’ve never been able to take this picture. Finding this area without people or cars to take a completely clean picture like this is virtually impossible (though i won’t say it never happens deep in the night). To see it at approximately 1:15 on a Tuesday night is…. uncanny.

This road passes by the concert building up ahead, that also houses the Fontys school of the arts where music, or what passes for music is taught these days. The white building on the right also serves as City hall. It is a castle actually, supposed to house King Willem the 2nd who had a fondness of the town, but he died before the construction was finished (which took 20 years). Up ahead next to the church is a monument to him, an obelisk.

On the left side are apartments, which i think are mostly senior living spaces too. Alot of living space in the inner city is senior housing now. I figure it’s because it pretty much has all amenities needed at walking distance. Atleast that used to be the case before the internet. Now the shopping street is filled with practically only clothing stores.

This is the last picture i have of my journey. As this was still a relatively busy road, i made a dash at max speed for my front door when i heard no cars coming. I managed to go back inside and get up the stairs before anyone came around any corners. Success!

But…. I’m not done yet. Oh no.

No, the Dutch government seriously pissed me off, and i don’t defeat people i consider my enemies, i crush them. No mercy given, because to get me to this point is goddamn nigh impossible.

I can take mountains of punishment. I’ve basically been tortured all my life. Gaslighted and made to believe i was the problem in a broken society, when all i assumed was that people were kind and nice to me and telling the truth, while listening to what i had to say. Because that’s what they told me they were doing.

This is a real life 1984 story, and i’ve come to realize… I’m Winston. I fought the system all my life, O’Brien tortured me for it, and in the end, i cried as I loved big brother anyway.

No more.

And why?

Because i might take the brutality time and time again because i hate myself to my very core anyway, something that will now never go away again as i know too much. That has been the story of my entire life, and i know my place. I know i’m trash. I got comfortable in the void where i was forced to live, and now it’s my home.

But you don’t touch my little sister.

In this entire fucking miserable hellish existence, she’s been the only one to accept me for me unconditionally. She just loves her big brother, and that’s that. I’ve tried explaining to her, multiple times, how i’ve gone crazy…. She doesn’t get it. Cause she just doesn’t see it. “You’re just my big brother to me” she says. And it is, legitimately, the only reason i still take every PAINFUL breath every day.


Because she reasons that, cause she visits and stays over at my dads for the weekend at times (my parents being separated and she lives with my mom but loves to stay over at my dads), if me or my dad’s friend were to come and visit at the same time like we always do…. Well, that’d be more then 1 person and we might get in trouble!

Naturally we’ve explained to her that there’s no way the police can check. But after conferring with her mother, she still didn’t feel safe and didn’t want to take the risk.

Which means i don’t get to see my sister, the only one restraining me, anymore. Cause currently me and my mother have a falling out so visiting her is not much of an option. And with these kind of rules, she’s not liable to take public transport either. Taxis are out – we’re poor and we don’t need that kind of expense or hassle either.

In the end, it won’t be the same. We have our family night on Friday or Saturday at my dads house with me, my sister, my dad and my dad’s best friend and we watch a movie. It’s the only time i get out of the house and see people, and seeing my sister in her natural environment and knowing she’s just living her life, doing what she wants and being happy, is the only true happiness i have left.

And the government took that away too, after taking everything else. You have no idea how lucky you all are that big city hall building HASN’T BURNED TO THE FUCKING GROUND YET!



Oh… oh i’ll show you. I’ll show you because, by the time i got my heart attack, i was already too distrustful of people helping me or believing me, so i knew i needed evidence. I never give up. The only reason i tried killing myself 6 times is not because i wanted to die, but because i wanted the unbearable pain and sacrifice to just end. Except, for me, not even death is an option. Reality either won’t let me, or my sister’s smile reminds me i am still needed.

So when my heart slowed down out of nowhere, i stopped getting air, and my conscienceness started to fade, i realized i needed more air then i could draw in, so i started hyperventilating on purpose. Simple logic, can’t get enough air per breath, increase the amounts of breaths instead. Few seconds in i realized the increased effort was working, so i doubled down and stabilized.

Few seconds later i realized i wasn’t fainting either so i knew i was on the right track. You see, with as much trauma as i have, you run across hyperventilation eventually. I breathed into quite a few bags between the ages of 12 to 14. I know what happens when you start breathing fast out of the blue when you’re not actually using up that oxygen by exercising. You start feeling lightheaded and damn near pass out. Reasonable as our bodies aren’t made to act as if we’re sprinting while we’re sitting still in a chair. That’s what the bag is supposed to be for – the thinking being because you exhale part Co2, if you re-inhale that air, there’s less oxygen, so you inhale less per breath and don’t faint until you calm down.

Atleast i think so, i was later informed that “we don’t do that anymore” by a paramedic. No one ever told me, but that’s par the course. He neglected to mention what to do instead. Anyway.

I knew i’d have to get evidence. I knew moving made the symptoms recede, so i sprinted to my bedroom where i’d left my pulse-ox meter that i bought before the panic. I reasoned at the time that the hospital systems might become overloaded and i’d have to rely on self diagnosis. After getting it, i ran back to the living room full speed, cause that’s where i left my phone (listen it’s a miracle i could think through this situation at all).

I put the pulse-ox meter on my left hand while trying to work my phone with my right. After 30 seconds i still could not read a pulse in my left index finger. The shaking from the adrenaline didn’t make unlocking the phone any easier and the meter had to reset to get a proper reading; I was gonna try another finger next and i already knew my right arm had better circulation.

Unlocked my phone, put the meter on my right index index finger, still had to wait 15 seconds (saying to myself “cmon cmon cmon cmon” over and over in the meantime) to get a reading – then the screen showed a readout so i could get evidence. This entire time, i was still breathing heavy to keep my heart going for as long as i could. Maybe i would die, but goddamnit, i wasn’t gonna let my family wonder what’d happened to me. My legacy was a better bet then help at this point.

I hit record, and tried to last as long as i could while talking through the situation – Through a heart attack as well as covid brainfog. And even though it’s highly traumatic for me and i most certainly won’t watch it again myself, i want to share that video with you today.

Because it’s clear to me that my words don’t reach people. But maybe my pain will. BE ADVISED: Don’t watch this if you’re susceptible to nightmares or bad thoughts. Just take my word for it.

The words i’m saying are in Dutch and i don’t care much to translate them or ever hear them again. The one thing i do remember, crystal clear, is saying over and over again “Als ik hyperventileer, waarom val ik dan niet flauw?”, which translates into “If i’m hyperventilating, why am i not passing out?”. Which is my hyper-logical mind’s last attempt to communicate being starved of every resource and focus, running 125% in survival mode. To me, it seems unfathomable somebody would not get that. And i wasn’t in the mood to switch perspectives.

A little bit about the readout: It reads 3 things: Blood saturation, Pulse and Perfusion Index. While the first 2 are familiar, it’s the 3rd i found not even doctors knew about. And i really don’t know why because a google and 10 minutes was all it took for me to understand it. It’s simply a way to calculate the strength of the pulse at the point of measurement. A normal reading ought to be between 4 and 6. During the days leading up to this event i measured many times, and i found when i had trouble breathing, my saturation never dropped below 96, but my perfusion index varied wildly, from 2,3-4 on average, dropping to below 1 at times, and spiking past 20, which is the maximum the darn thing can measure. At that point i feel my heart beating in my fingertips. When the PI gets too low, around 0.5 – the machine doesn’t get any reading of a pulse. That should tell you all you need to know.

Luckily thanks to the memory problems from covid plus repeated trauma, i can’t remember much of the video. What i do know is that i remember enough to have nightmares about it.

I’ve always had nightmares, ever as a kid. Before the age of 8, i did not have a single night where i didn’t die in my sleep. I remember this clearly, because i have a very clear memory of waking up one day at the age of 8, actually stretching after a good nights sleep…. And then immediately realizing and saying to myself, verbatim: “Wait…. i didn’t die in my sleep tonight! This is historic!”. Which is why i took care to remember it.

It took until the age of 19 where i found some relief. When i go to bed stoned, i either don’t dream, or don’t remember them. Still, i somehow know i’ve gone to sleep and woken up again, so it’s not like a drunken blackout. But i just… don’t dream. It’s all black all night. This wasn’t planned, pure coincidence, but i’m not one to look a divine gift horse in the mouth.

Can you believe i quit smoking weed at 26 to impress a girl? Yeah, dumbass me thought women actually cared about effort. Started smoking again at 32 to avoid suicide attempt no.6. Still single!

Anyway, it seems important that i go to sleep within 1 and 1/2 hours of the last smoke, or it doesn’t work. Not very handy considering one of my other 4 sleeping disorders is being unable to get to sleep (i really wonder why), so it takes anywhere between 45 minutes and 1 1/2 hours to get there to begin with.

If i don’t time it right, as in if i have to go to the bathroom, but i still fall asleep on the edge anyway… I get the last 5 minutes of dreams that otherwise last the entire night.

And the last nightmare i had was me being able to move and breathe, but despite feeling the air rush over my lungs, i was still suffocating. Running was involved as well, so it’s not hard to see what trauma was relived. Except, ofcourse, since it’s one of my nightmares… This time it didn’t work. Ever since around 9 years old i developed a natural defence: When i’m about to die in my dreams, suddenly i realize it’s just a dream and i wake myself up. Up until then, the dreams are 100% real.

I’ve seen more bodies then you will ever be able to imagine, including having seen the above linked documentary, and died atleast 5000 deaths (about half the days i’ve been alive, which’d be fair at this point); While in reality, physically i regret hurting flies. Objects, fine. And i can get hella loud. But i don’t hurt living things. And that my words hurt people ain’t my fault. I’m a blind man who’s heard nothing but complaints he’s not looking at people when they’re talking to him. So forgive me if i can’t care about your feelings anymore. They’re inappropriate anyway as far as i’m concerned.

So let me tell you what happened after the video ends with me saying “I can’t take it anymore i have to call 911”.

I did. They asked what i needed; Police, Fire brigade or Ambulance. Suped up, i replied “AMBULANCE, AMBULANCE!”.

The woman on the line replied “alright calm down sir where do you live?” and i gave my address.

The next bit is startling. I can’t be sure i remember it clearly… i can’t be sure of remembering anything 100% clearly of that time at this point. But this how it’s burned into my mind and roughly what was said. I’ll use exclamation points, but just assume i’m talking in all caps, because i’ve got a loud voice and i’ve lost all control over my volume at this point.

“Sir you need to calm down you’re hyperventilating”.

“I’m not….hyperventilating….i can’t…. breathe!”

“Sir that’s because you are hyperventilating”

“No!… its not that…. i can’t breathe cause….. i’m hyperventilating…., i started hyperventilating…. cause i couldn’t breathe goddamnit!!!….”

“SIR if you continue to talk that way i’m going to hang up”.

I’m deadly, deadly serious. While i’m not 100% sure on the words used, i am 10 billion percent sure that the 911 lady threatened to hang up on me because i wasn’t being cordial about dying.

To the point where it, inadvertently, saved my life in a matter of speaking. Because I GOT SUCH A MASSIVE FUCKING JOLT OF ADRENALINE STRAIGHT INTO MY HEART OUT OF PURE FUCKING RAGE, it immediately started beating stronger again. It didn’t take but a second for my entire body to flood with the stuff. Another feeling and experience i’ll never forget, and i’ve since learned to control it more or less. I’m used to turning weaknesses into strengths you see.

At the same time, all my trauma-based survival defences kicked in, and my mind immediately regained pinpoint focus because i made an iron promise to myself when i decided to stay alive for my sister’s sake: Survive. No matter the cost. Even subservience.

So i immediately calmed down and apologized to the bitch a couple of times. Out of automatic defence.

She said the ambulance was already on the way, we ran through a few things i can’t remember, then she hung up anyway saying the ambulance would be there shortly.

When the paramedic came, i was actually standing outside my door with a bag packed with clothes and prepared to go to the hospital. SURELY they’d take me along now, right?!

When the paramedic arrived, he was walking very slowly and casually towards me. I guess he didn’t believe anything was wrong from the start. When he was within earshot, he waved me back inside and said “so lets first see what’s wrong”. He wasn’t wearing a mask, not even a non-medical one, on March 1st.

Mind you – i told the lady on the phone i’d detected and catalogued 11 symptoms of Covid, but that i wasn’t tested because i couldn’t get a test. Even though i called the “house doctor” or GP/General Practitioner 6 times including the emergency number twice (and got told i should call the regular number this line was for emergencies only after i told them what was wrong, so make that 8). And the GGD or mental health service in charge of everything 4 times. And i’d already been to the emergency room once, WITH a mask, in the middle of February where everybody looked at me like i was some sort of psycho, so i’ve got the memory of the look of disdain of my fellow man for wearing a mask while being infected around February 20th in my mind as well. Fucking imagine that.

You know why i was never tested?

Because the OFFICIAL guidelines, the ones made BY THE SAME CUNTS STILL IN CHARGE, STATED:

“If you haven’t been abroad, or you haven’t been in contact with somebody who’s been abroad, The chances of you catching Covid are Nil.”

That’s a direct translation. And i’ll forever remember it, because it’s what The Receptionist told me on the phone when i started arguing with her cause i was running a fever, and she said “SIR the guidelines LITERALLY STATE:” and then the above.

That’s the fucking problem.

That’s what went wrong.

Receptionists BLINDLY following the rules.

But i don’t give up. I argued the bitch down until she got tired and said “ARGH yknow what, sir, the doctor will call you back later”.

I immediately replied with the kindest “Thank you!” i could muster, as i’m still sympathetic to her situation, i know they’ll get alot of unnecessarily worried people calling due to a lack of guidance.

But i also know they care so little at this point they’ll happily sacrifice the really sick just to not have to deal with the hypochondriacs. Where have i seen that behaviour before, i wonder.

The GP called me back. Same story verbatim. Same arguments. Same result. “Will call the GGD, will call you back after”.

I wait, get a call back not too long after. No test, nothing. Exactly the same story. Haven’t been abroad, can’t have it.

There was 1 other requirement: You had to show a minimum 38C Sustained fever. And for a few days, i couldn’t, because the symptoms were intermittent. Meaning they came and went. I later spoke a neighbour with exactly the same symptoms, but because she was 74, a doctor did visit her, said nothing was wrong, a second opinion was asked, and he wanted her admitted immediately.

Fun fact: 74 year old with COPD and she said “Hell no. I’ll say here with my smoke and wine, i can still walk around fine i’m just a bit short of breath”. Probably saved her life cause we put everybody on ventilators in the hospital which turned out to have a 20% survival rate cause it was exactly the wrong thing to do. Though i won’t blame people for that one, THAT is why the first lockdown was justified, because we didn’t know we were actively killing people by doing the wrong thing, which used to be the right thing. It took time to figure out. Now that we know that justification’s gone.

Another fun fact: she had everything i had, including pattern and order of symptoms, except the heart attacks, so i know i had it worse.

Despite never being checked or referred by my own GP, i did see 3 of them. As the symptoms got progressively worse on a Friday night, i called the weekend “huisartsen post”, or house doctor station instead, as the regular GP is closed during that time. Real smart system, by the way. Why not house them all at the hospital where the diagnosis equipment is anyway.

I told them i had (by then) 9 common symptoms of Covid. They asked if i had been abroad. I said no. They said i couldn’t come.

FOR GOD FUCKS SAKE this society is so rotten to the very core that you can only get checked for a deadly virulent infection if you put everybody at risk and lie. Well FUCK IT i’m not going to die for you cocksuckers. So i lied.

“ehh alright, pneumonia, pneumonia! My lungs hurt and i think i have pneumonia!”

“Alright, can you make an appointment at 9:45?”

I’M NOT FUCKING KIDDING! I spent ATLEAST 5 MINUTES arguing that i had Covid and that’s why they should check me, i was denied, i lied, i was IMMEDIATELY allowed to come!!!!!!

This society is so through and through rotten that i don’t care if it burns anymore. I don’t care if this article makes the Dutch lose their international standing for a hundred years. They fucking deserve it. I’ll remind my generation of something i heard alot in my late teens: “Alles moet kapot”.

Whatever it takes to shift responsibility onto someone else. No wonder our Prime Minister is such a sleazy psychopath but people keep voting for him anyway. It’s because they are all no different and don’t see the harm in it. Cowards, through and through. I am so, so, so deeply ashamed to call myself Dutch. “The people get the government they deserve”. Think i’ll stick with Brabander from now on. Now if only those assholes would remember their culture.

I visited the GPs. They took my temperature and checked my anti-virals, which were “Extremely low”, but they didn’t see any concern as “that’s not what you’d expect if you had a virus, now is it?”. Please note the condescending addition at the end. They say it’s concern. It’s gaslighting.

And let me take another moment to highlight that the three GPs, 2 women and 1 man in skinny jeans, all were incredibly condescending towards me. I could not possibly have Covid and was overreacting. I can still recognise a smug face yknow. I’ve seen them all my life.

About my temperature, the guidelines stated it had to be taken rectally. Now, i have one of those, but i lost it in the total mess my apartment was at the time and couldn’t remember where i lost it. Misfortune. So they went looking for a thermometer, and came back with…

…an ear thermometer.

They measured 37,6C – elevated but not enough. HAD to be 38C, or it didn’t count. Intermittent didn’t count.

I protested, and asked why the hell my infrared meter that was used around the world to check for fevers on airports at the time, INCLUDING the Dutch national airport Schiphol, That i aimed at the back of my throat to get a better read on my core temperature rather then my forehead, that gave and read a temperature of 38,5C OF WHICH I HAVE VIDEO EVIDENCE; didn’t count. While his ear thermometer was allowed to break the rules.

“Aaaahhh that’s because this one’s calibrated”. No answer except a smug smile on how i was supposed to get 38,5C on the readout if my body didn’t produce 38,5C of heat. I was just wrong.

If i ever see that smug motherfucker again i’ll punch his lights out. Take that as a direct threat of violence, even though normally i never would harm a fly. Maggots aren’t flies yet. That’s not a human being anymore. Nor one that lives up to the Hippocratic oath. Those are the worst. Those who live according to the hypocritical oath. Hope his children cry over his dead body.

When reason no longer works, violence is the only option. Had i punched his lights out and threatened to infect the entire city i would’ve gotten tested in a hurry, guaranteed. Instead i staggered home and rode on the wrong half of the road for half a kilometer cause i took it like a bitch.

Back to the asshole paramedic then!

Why asshole? Well! Because, when we were back inside, he told me to sit down, calm down lets take a look at you…. So i did. Because my natural instinct is to listen to somebody of who i think knows better, or should know better. And at the time, i still thought so. He put a measuring thing on my finger meanwhile, but never looked at the readout.

Meanwhile i was still hyperventilating. Because i could feel the wooziness come back if i slowed down, and the adrenaline from the call had started to run out. Regardless, when he told me to calm down, i thought i was in good care so i did. But my body automatically started to compensate for it, because… well, i don’t like suffocation or the feeling of death.

So what he did was, condescendingly, explain to me what hyperventilation was.

“You see when you hyperventilate, you get too much oxygen and you feel like you can’t breathe.”

“No… i am hyperventilating…. because i can’t breathe….”

“That’s cause you’re hyperventilating”


“Oh but that’s not how we treat people!” And he immediately removed the measurement device from my finger and got up to leave!

Well, that’s all i needed! Same effect, massive adrenaline rush from rage, only this time, twice the survival guilt with somebody directly infront of me, so i immediately went “nononosorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry” in the hopes he’d actually take a look at the measurements next time i got the clip on my finger…. But he never did.

Instead i got a lecture on how to treat people correctly.

I want to die. Ironically, the same government wants to expand euthanasia to “people who feel they’ve lived a completed life”. Does knowing life is no longer worth living at 34 count? Probably.

Bout 5 minutes into that, he got a call. He asked if i minded, i said “no go ahead” because at this point i was genuinely trying to calm myself and bring on another heart attack while the son of a bitch was still there. Turns out adrenaline is like solid rocket fuel; Once lit it burns till its done.

They talked for 20 minutes, about a co-worker that was grabbed by the throat. Violence has been on the rise against paramedics for years. I have no idea why.

While i felt myself sinking into the abyss and he was staring off into the distance sitting right across from me, after 20 minutes i’d regained enough morale to tell him to just leave. He wasn’t going to take me to the hospital, so my only shot was to make it there myself. I called my father – decided to but hoping i wasn’t sacrificing him – to come with me to the hospital and make sure i’d make it.

I went downstairs to wait, but i collapsed outside of my building again. No energy. Felt i was slipping. This might be the only time in my life where i legitimately panicked and started producing a characteristic autistic winge, because i realised i wasn’t gonna make it and i was out of options.

Fear turned to hate. Hate turned to anger. And anger turned into the loudest scream of rage i’ve ever produced. Normally i hide my voice because i don’t want to be heard, but out of sheer necessity and pure, pure anger, i screamed as loud as i could. My dad was nearby, though not in sight, and he later described it as “harrowing”. My downstairs neighbour later told me she heard something, but couldn’t see anything. I’m pretty sure half the city heard it (March 1st, Sunday morning).

That gave me enough adrenaline again to get up when my father was there and make it to the hospital. When we made it to the emergency room, i was told to wait, and that’s when i was given my first N95 mask of this entire journey, which i immediately put on.

It took all but 3 minutes for me to start foaming at the mouth, and i couldn’t breathe anymore as the mask made it too heavy and i was breathing virus in and out. I complained i couldn’t breathe with the mask, so their reaction was “Oh well just take it off then”. Which i was reluctant to do and actually forgot about a second later because i felt so woozy.

I eventually collapsed to the floor, foam at the corners of my mouth. They just looked on, just like with Kitty Genovese. They thought i was exaggerating. After all, the rules said, i couldn’t possibly have it, i hadn’t been abroad. And i’m sure healthcare workers who denied others care for the same reason and are reading this are thinking the same thing. “Those were the rules it’s not our fault”.

Wir haben es nicht gewußt.

And because of their own collaboration, their own compliance, they had to work overtime in gruelling conditions and watch death and destruction all around them – none of which was their fault, of course. Them was the rules. No one in this country will take responsibility for anything afterall. Listening to the applause for them a month later on my balcony made me feel sick.

I’d pulled the mask off on the ground but it was too late, my lungs felt like they were burning. Every breath felt like breathing glass and the pain started to become unbearable – all the while i was thinking “NO NO BEHAVE! BEHAVE! BEHAVE NORMALLY OR THEY WON’T TREAT YOU!!!!”

But the pain was too much. So i went with pure, utter, desperation: I just started screaming, as loud as i could, over and over, to get through everything. AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH

For atleast a good 30 seconds, i used up the last bits of strength i had.

No doctor ever approached me. Security did though, which my dad held off because they weren’t coming to help me that’s for sure. But the nurses, doctors… nobody as much as came to look and see what was wrong.

Eventually i ran out of energy and i just started rolling slowly from side to side. All i had left in me to say, mumbling over and over:

“if you treat me, i’ll be normal. If you treat me, i’ll be normal. If you treat me, i’ll be normal”. They didn’t treat me. Well, guess i’m not gonna be normal then.

Thank god the symptoms were intermittent and started to subside to bearable again. Maybe that’s another reason they thought i was crazy, cause not too long after, i could breathe decently again. Still hurt like fuck, but nothing like the few minutes before, so at that point it’s hard to even see i’m suffering.

Don’t let them see you’re in pain. They smell weakness.

Yeah no i saw Warchild ads all the time when i was growing up, “you can take a child out of war but you can’t take the war out of a child”. Yet everybody acts like i should “just get over” my past traumas. People don’t even flinch when i tell them i tried killing myself 6 times. But hey, if you’re feeling bad about this world not worth living in, be sure to call a hotline and have somebody else deal with the problem. They’ll talk you into accepting more pain. Remember that your loved ones still need to see you suffer! Don’t need to hear it. People just don’t understand that blind positivity hurts even more then agreeing with the negativity sometimes. Because empathy makes them feel bad and they don’t want to feel bad themselves.

I wasn’t treated. I was told i could see a doctor, but it was busy on a Sunday morning with a literal empty emergency room, because NOBODY ELSE was there, it’d take an hour and a half. I agreed out of desperation. They brought me a pill, oxazepam, to calm down.


“Because you asked for it.”

“I cannot at all remember asking for it. But look i’ll take it if it helps the situation”.

“Hey you asked for it to calmed down, do whatever you want”.

Genuinely cannot remember asking that. I think i did. Might’ve done. Probably since i’ll ask for anything if it makes these retards move. I’d take Novichok if i thought it’d actually get me admitted. If the Russians wanted somebody dead they oughtta poison them in the Netherlands because here they’ll actually wait until it’s too late before admitting you.

Cause it’s cheaper. And that’s the only reason why. They were cavalier about the pill btw. They got very confused as to what to do when i didn’t take it immediately, with a “whatever you want” attitude. I just took it cause i’ve already had oxazepam, when i was 20, so i know it does nothing to me. Only destroys my focus but Covid had already taken care of that, and far worse too.

But hey, if it makes them think i’ve “calmed down”, fine. No harm no foul. But that’s what we’ve come to as a society. Taking whatever pill you need to actually get to see a doctor.

By the way, i urinated excessively. Within an hours worth of time, i emptied 6 full bladders. My father, strangely, also dropped 3 entire ones. No one seemed to care or question this.

My kidneys still hurt from time to time though. But hey! That’s another battery of tests for which i have to go to the fascists for and i actually prefer the pain in my chest when i smoke, over the stress of calling a doctor and having to argue my way into getting a test. Trying to save up to get checked in Germany, or Japan/South Korea preferably.

I swear to god, i’ve not one met a house doctor in my life that told me what was wrong with me. Every single time, i’ve had to tell them. They wait for suggestions on what i think seem to be wrong with me, even though i clearly say “I don’t know, i don’t have any medical knowledge, this area hurts, what’s inside my body round here?”.

Never works. If you ask any of them to think, there’s no response. It took until October, A month after my stomach had gone critical and i spent another weekend SCREAMING IN PAIN in September, before i had my actual first diagnostic tests: Camera down my throat, and a full heart examination. Both cases found nothing. I asked if it was possible damage could heal within a month, doctor couldn’t say. My gut still hurts on the daily so i’m going for a gluten free diet now. Which means i can only eat potatoes, which tire me out extremely every time thanks to long covid. My literal daily routine is exhaustion. Never had an allergy test. Has never been suggested.

In the conversation to get that done, cause i STILL had to argue my case, and the GP thought they were very generous with their time, giving me 45 minutes to talk in order to get through 2 out of probably 11 issues. Normally, you are only allowed 1 issue at a time, and 10 minutes per appointment. If you have 2 issues, you’re supposed to make 2 appointments. This because otherwise they’re too busy and are overwhelmed with visits.

At this point i feel the need to say; I’m not against socialized healthcare at all. I’m just against the fucking incompetent cowards in every layer of this corrupted society, who continue to thrive BECAUSE NOBODY HAS THE BALLS TO SPEAK UP! THEY ARE ALL JUST SO AFRAID THE MOB WILL COME AND CANCEL THEM TOO!

Fuck you whores. Come cancel me bitches. I’ve literally been cancelled all my life. There is nothing you can do to me that hasn’t already been done or i haven’t already done to myself 10 times worse, just to belong. And then my nightmares multiplied all of it by another 10 times.

Back to another person who’ll get cancelled when i eventually build up enough stamina to sue the hospital into oblivion (but i’m nice so i’m waiting for society to GET A FUCKING GRIP and increase hospital capacity so it’s not a problem). After 1 hour, i did get to see somebody: A psychiatrist.

Who went into the conversation explaining why my autistic panic attacks were such a problem. I had literally seen this person for the first time in my life ~2 minutes earlier.

I told him about the video immediately. I BEGGED HIM to watch it. He completely and categorically refused, and did not see any of my videos and picture evidence. He found it far more important to explain to me why my behaviour was problematic, and that he strongly recommended i’d go to see a psychiatrist on the regular, for which he’d write a referral.

Seeing the writing on the wall, i told him “sure”. Just to get him out of the room, so i could start taking pictures of my pulse-ox meter i brought along. Because i think ahead, and i wanted evidence.

Second picture, 11:35. PI 12.1, double normal. Was taking this while my father was also talking to me about my autism problems by the by.

5th picture, 11:45. PI 2.7, half normal. All i’ve done is lie in a hospital bed ever since that clown went off to type his report while the time difference between the first and last picture i have is 17 minutes. You can see the white bedsheets in the background in the top of the picture. “OK so you calmed down in the bed” i might hear you say, because at this point, i don’t trust ANY of you motherfuckers to trust ANYTHING i say unless i beat you into submission with hard data.

This is that last picture, taken 14:47, 2 minutes after the last one with my PI going back up towards 10. It continually bounced back and forth between a strong pulse and a barely detectable one. And i don’t need to a machine to tell me i feel like shit, unlike these fucking maggots, and even then they refuse to look. Again, nothing but lying in bed and monitoring my pulse.

Because i wanted to collect evidence against that motherfucker.

When he came back, he did so with a packet of paper (quite the report he worked very hard on it! This one goes on the fridge!) and a prescription for 6 more oxazepam. Took the pills and the paper – still have them, untouched, ofcourse – had them filled in the pharmacy, then tried to make it home on my own as i was pissed at the world and just completely drained.

But you know… The horror doesn’t even end there.

Some ways away from the hospital – within visual range, but across the main ringbaan next to it and some ways down a residential area, i thought i was far away enough and i just put my bike down and laid down on the pavement. Living the movie Crank literally, takes its toll. Especially if the virus’s main symptom is severe fatigue ontop of it. I was spent and i just needed a breather, whether that killed me or not. Meanwhile i called up my mother to just let her know what’s up, and to just talk to her… because it was looking like i wouldn’t have long on this earth anymore, and i just wanted to speak to my mommy.

I was lying on the sidewalk for not even a minute complaining to my mother when i saw an ambulance pull up slowly. I told them i was exhausted.

They told me to get up and go home or they’d call the police on me!

It seems unfathomable but that is 100% what happened i swear on everything that’s holy. 3 guys got out and started telling me, aggressively, that “It had been enough with me and my father in the hospital and i should go home now or they’d call the police on me”. My mother even heard them on the phone so i have a witnesses too. I asked them to talk to her – they refused that too and literally told me to get lost, or again, they’d call the cops.

Well a police cell at that point was as good as a needle in my arm, especially with these fascists. So i did as i was told. I hung up, used the last of my anger to cycle home slowly next to busy roads, and think about what i was supposed to do next. During all of this, i never got more diagnostic tests then 1 anti-virals fingerprick test, listening to my lungs for pneumonia after a bike ride and while i had no breathing symptoms (but other visible symptoms at the time), a single temperature read, ~10 seconds of a EMT’s pulse meter, AND THAT’S IT!

They didn’t even check, if it wasn’t covid, why else i was feeling so badly then. Because the ugly, dirty, cold hard truth of Dutch society at the end of February 2020 was… It never even occurred to the healers to try and heal, or to eliminate other probable causes. Because no one in this society dares to take responsibility for anything, up to and including conscienceness itself.

Here i was. Bullied all my childhood. Used and Abused. Sacrificed, spat on. Only trying to do the right thing and getting beaten for it. Tried killing myself 6 times over it. No connection to society at all. No feelings of wanting to live. Only wanted to help society avert danger and was ridiculed.

While being a walking bioweapon in a city filled with people i hate – and nobody would believe it, even if i tried my utmost convincing them of it, because i had. And the pandemic was inevitable anyway.

I could make them all pay by just walking into shops and coughing. No one would ever know it was me. The contact tracers are just as inept (despite all the ruckus i caused, i never as much as got a phone call or email from anyone after the fact to contact trace me)






Protect people best i could by forcing not to cough, breathing calmly through my nose and never through my mouth even with breathing and heart problems, collected a final trip of isolation supplies and went into self-quarantine for a month immediately. There might still be some innocents out there. I ran into a few random people along the way during the whole ordeal. And while like a bunch of puppies they didn’t understand the situation in the slightest, atleast they showed real concern. Unlike literally everybody from the medical profession i encountered. Those innocents might not know any of this is going on either, and might be outraged on my behalf if they knew. I can’t draw conclusions on random people i haven’t met, based on the few that i have. Even after all this time. I might throw out my feelings as they come now. But when it counts, i protect others. Always.

I went on one final weed run. I had everything else, thanks to doing my “panic shopping” at the end of January so i never impacted supply. Ran out of toilet paper in August by the by, skipped the whole shortage. AND THERE WAS INDEED A SHORTAGE! No matter what the government might have you think. Maybe not in paper…. in online delivery slots.

My mother who hits about every vulnerable category you can think of and my sister isn’t the healthiest either with a very unique genetic disability no one else in the country seems to have after much research; Could not order groceries online for a while! Can’t say anything about the produce, but i atleast remember her telling me it was the case for toilet paper. The system was backed up for months, because it was just another just-in-time supply system that got overwhelmed.

Never hear that on the news though. Oh i’m sorry, i mean, state propaganda, because they’re no better then Goebbles at this point and only serve to increase the social standing of the government in power. There was a time before the mass slaughter of Jews too, yknow. You’d be appalled to learn how much of the Nazi propaganda techniques are used in modern advertising. He really was a pioneer. Not of the good kind, but still.

Luckily, my mother was the (only) one who listened to me when i told people to buy in supplies now. As such, she later send me a text that the system cleared up and was available again, halfway through their last pack. Me and her are the only people i know who never got bothered by the toilet paper panic at all. Well and a few people who listened to me on my discord. I managed to convince my friend from Hong Kong 5 days before the Hong Kong panic. He had plenty. Still does.

What i didn’t have was a sufficient supply of weed, because Dutch law prohibits carrying more then 5 grams, so the shops won’t sell you more then 5 grams, so i had to hit 3 of them in an hour to survive 3 weeks in addition to the supply i already had. And whatever you might think about smoking while having covid, at this point i wasn’t gonna take on even more stress nor was i gonna die sober.

Fun fact: The Dutch government is directly responsible for the takeover of organized crime of the weed growing business. Contrary what the international belief is, Weed is NOT legal in the Netherlands. It’s allowed. Which honestly just goes to show the disdain of the government for its population even more, and everybody has been so brainwashed they consider such naming normal. That’s the literal name of the policy. You are >allowed< 5 gram of weed on your person. The shops are allowed 500 grams of supply, or less then an hour of sales on a good day. They hold more then that in the building, they’re in violation and get fined or shut down. Naturally, the supply’s usually in the building next door.

You are allowed to have 5 plants at home. As i have a very high use that takes up most of my social security income, and i respect that my income is some one’s taxes paid, so naturally i looked into reducing costs. But guess what? It’s another front, just like everything else in this goddamn society.

First off, keeping weed in social housing is just straight up VERBOTEN! If the housing corporation catches you with any plants, they have a zero tolerance policy and will evict you. So for me, it’s out of the question. I just can’t risk that at this point, as it’d give them an excuse to fine me and repress me financially even more.

Secondly, weed has a very strong smell in bloom, which is something not everybody appreciates. As such, while you’re allowed 5 plants, if the police get any calls or decide to for any reason what so ever, they have the right to take your plants away at any point.

Well, honestly i can get that one. I mean, i’m the last person to want and cause a fuss, and there are ways to filter the smell so it doesn’t bother anyone; Carbon filters most notably. It’s a whole industry yknow. I’d more then happily build a whole growing cabinet, even make it fancy!

But they’ve thought of that, so there’s a catch in the rules:

If your growing setup “looks professional”, it’s deemed illegal, it’ll get confiscated and you are fined.

I literally have to stink up my room if i wanna hold plants (if i could), because if i use a carbon filter, that’s deemed “a professional setup” and shit gets taken away wholesale!!!!

Meanwhile, an actual professional supply is just straight up illegal. Let me say that again:

Demand for weed has been effectively legalized in every way with the allowed policy.

Supply for weed has been completely criminalized and made impossible for the common man.

The Dutch Government is literally creating it’s own criminality!

They aren’t just complicit, they are accomplices!!! AGAIN HOW IS THIS NOT FASCIST!

Because every possible attempt to legalize weed gets torpedoed in parliament by the fucking Christians. Goddamn puritans. And they say the Muzzies are the radicals. The Protestants here NEED to feel ashamed, so life is not to be enjoyed, so all joys of life are to be banned. They’d ban sex and alcohol too if they could get away with it. You should hear what they did to classical music, cause the Catholics enjoyed music and saw it as a way to get closer to god. South’s Catholic and the North Protestant by the way, as a result of how the country looked after independence.

They can’t ban weed outright because there’d be a revolt, so they do the next best thing, fuck the industry up and make it as impossible as possible while never relenting on making it legal and destroying any county attempts at legally grown government weed as a solution. Even the fucking Americans are more progressive on drugs at this point, and they got the stuff banned in the first place because of the niggers!

Oh too uncomfortable for you again cause a white man uses the wrong word? Tough. That’s History. When the ATF was created it needed an enemy, because government budgets = government prestige. Larger budget, more prestige, and the ATF’s budget was small. Since weed use was heavily slanted towards blacks and was considered “a drug for coloured people”, the ATF launched a massive smear campaign (The Devil’s Lettuce) and successfully got it banned in the US in the 30’s. And with all these criminals walking around, they’d need aloooootta money for enforcement! And that’s why the prisons in America are filled with black people up till this very day. Don’t think BLM knows i never heard anybody bring it up once.

I do know though. Know why it’s banned in Europe? Cause in the 70’s after world war 2, the US controlled western Europe, and the ATF wanted more power again! So they pushed banning weed on Europe via the UN! And it worked, weed’s been banned ever since in most countries and the ATF got a big budget increase for international enforcement of drug trafficking.

With all my knowledge and wisdom, and all the data i’ve got collected, i can genuinely and honestly say that the continued GLOBAL criminalization of weed is the most racist policy i know in terms of mass suffering that continues until this very day. It beats affirmative action by a country mile.

And because of that, the powers that be here will still go out of their way to stop legalization of a drug that has not had a single recorded death in the entirety of medical history. Just like they will go out of their way not to recommend cheap preventative measures like Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Ivermectin or Hydroxychloroquine, because there’s no money in it so they don’t care. Infact, stay sick, you’ll need more vaccine that way. And that’s more expensive and gets their friends more money!

That’s not theory or conjecture, by the way. It literally wouldn’t be the first time:

But if they can make rules to micromanage every aspect of your visit to your loved one BOY OH BOY are they excited and make a bunch of rules immediately. AGAIN, this literally is fascism.

And the rules are completely unenforceable in any place but their own mind. And that’s exactly the problem. That’s where they live. Just like a certain other person in history.

By the way, i will now start with calling Covid “The Chinese Flu”. Because it’s these same people agreeing with those other fascists, who started the goddamn pandemic, that calling it “Chinese flu” is racist, even though we have a laundry lists of country named viruses, including a “South African”, “Brazilian” and “British” “VARIANTS” now. But a Chinese variant would be racist? When those fucking commies are one of the most racists peoples on the planet? Fuck off. Just go read how they treat blacks. The LAPD looks like saints in comparison. Luckily we just signed an EU investment deal on the 22nd with those lovely people to sell out even more.

To continue my journey home from hospital in March; I made sure to social distance before it was cool and not come near anyone, opening the doors with my elbow if possible, only breath through my nose and as calmly as i could (WHILE SUFFERING FROM TROUBLE BREATHING BY THE WAY), and keep all focus on suppressing any cough or sneeze, which i didn’t do once. Keep calm and carry on. When i got home to my apartment with vents i had duct taped up Since China confirmed aerosol transmission and i was aware of the Hong Kong tragedy with Sars-cov 1, I simply isolated and just… just hoped for the best.

The best turned out to be 11 heart attacks. All of them following the exact same pattern of the first attack: I had persistent tingling in the tips of my fingers for about a week, but whenever the tingling started moving down my fingers i started feeling bad, and when it got to my palm my breathing got heavy on its own.

But i used my knowledge and experience to live. I already knew moving made symptoms recede, it got in the way of the temperature readings. I have a picture of a rectal temperature of 37,8C during a temperature spike… But that wasn’t 38C, so it wasn’t enough. Deadly serious about that too, Dutch GP’s are that much a stickler for the rules.

And i knew thanks to the paramedics that adrenaline worked pretty well in keeping me alive. I figure if i crashed in the hospital that’s what they’d give me anyway, so i needed a way to generate it myself, somehow. I can’t get that mad out of my own accord.

So i decided to dance. I found a Russian Hardbass mix of 1 hour 5 minutes long which had the right speed and heavy bass to trick my body into keeping the ol’ heart going. I couldn’t stand, i’d fall over because of the wooziness, but i could still sit and bounce in my chair. I knew from the hyperventilation that forcing my lungs to move with my chest muscles rather then the usual lung muscles kept everything nearby going too, so that’s what i did. I came up with just about every silly move you can think of that involves arms and chest muscles (trying to keep spirits up) while bouncing up and down with my core muscles in my chair. And i had to do this for an hour.

There was a pattern to these attacks too, because i documented as much as i could of my disease. At first because i was under some foolish belief that we were in this together, and since i caught it early and am a very analytical person, i could use myself to collect local and actual data. I was also fully prepared to immediately quarantine and undergo a battery of tests, because i (was) am a young healthy man, so i know i can take more stress then the old folk. It’s my duty. Instead, i started collecting and using the data as evidence for an eventual lawsuit against the state.

Which’ll come not just when i have the energy for it but the money as well, as of course, the legal system is geared against anybody who can’t afford a battery of lawyers, it’d take well over a decade, nobody would go to jail and i’d get a token amount of money, and in the end, the judges are appointed by the ruling parties. “D66 rechters” is a well known concept in the Netherlands. Unless there’s a public outcry, even though i’m sure i could win, it’d take ages, and ruin me more then vindicate me. I don’t need that stress ontop of everything else if no one will defend me anyway.

On the day after calling 911, i suffered 2 attacks. The day after that was the worst… i suffered 4. So yes, i ended up dancing about 4 hours on that day. I can’t describe how i dragged myself to bed afterwards. Where i’d have to sleep on my back, even though i’ve slept on my left side for my entire life, because if i’d lie on my left side i got the feeling a speeding car was about to hit me and i was gonna die in the next 5 seconds. It took months of occasionally facing death as long as i could to get that up to 3 minutes.

The day after that, i suffered 2 more. The day after that, i suffered 1 more, and while i’d by now figured it would soon be over… this dance was just a horror to get through. I was so very, very tired. Physically, Mentally, Spiritually and on an even deeper level then that i can’t even describe and never knew existed. Then i had a day rest. Then i had 1 more attack. That was the last one.

Not just that, but by the 5th attack, i’d noticed something. Because i always selected the same mix of music (Once the tingling passed the first joint in my fingers i had about 2 minutes to prepare i figured out as long as i kept moving and not sitting still), i noticed that around the same song in the mix each time, the tingling stopped trying to push its way past the first joint in my fingers. This was a deceiving little trap because i tested it out twice by ending the dance early and it only takes a minute for the push to resume.

But if i kept dancing, around the same song again, the tingling would recede into my fingertips and stay there, and i could stop. The first song was the 45 minute mark, and all 11 attacks ended between 52 minutes and 56 minutes on the mix. I know cause after the 5th one, i started paying attention to the time specifically, for no other reason then scientific curiosity.

Yknow it’s a real shame i was never admitted cause i would’ve figured this out while being treated like a actual human being too yknow. It could’ve been a clue to keeping alot of critical people alive – dripfeed them a specific dose of adrenaline for about an hour when they crash to keep the system going out of its own accord. It’s not worse then suffocating i can tell you that much.

But at the same time, i can’t officially recommend it to anybody, as i was never tested, it has never been researched. I’m not going to keep my mouth shut anymore if it keeps even one person alive… But it should only be used in conjunction with the same symptoms. I think it can explain why some people, especially early on, would just sit down somewhere and die on the spot. Because my first instinct when the tingling started moving down my fingers for the first time, was to wait, calm down, and relax more to see what was happening. And the easier i took it, the worse it got.

It’s not an insane theory. Excessive movement clears it. Relaxing makes it worse. The main underlying disease making people go critical is Obesity. Young healthy people are affected the least. Children, which are perpetual little furnaces of energy getting misdiagnosed with ADHD all the time, seem least effected – While the old and infirm which spend most their time in bed and chairs the most. The main symptom is fatigue.

Not saying other underlying causes and misfortune such as high dose exposure aren’t causes too, but there will always be exceptions. I’m not the only person who could bench his own bodyweight to go critical, and there are reports of people who never had any symptoms getting long covid anyway (a group of German divers who could no longer dive, but they never even showed symptoms and just stayed home in good health), but on the whole, the active suffer little and the inactive suffer the most.

Atleast i actually look at things other then mathematical models. Because that’s what these “Experts” of the health service in general are doing. They never look at people, because “they are variables they can’t calculate”. So instead, they just assume the people follow the rules, and run the projections based on that. Or do something cute, like “20% of people don’t follow the rules”.

That tells you nothing about when a person “disobeys the rules” by coughing wildly into the air for maximum projection, which i’ve directly observed happening by a 50 year old woman in September 2020. It also tells you nothing about how many people take off their mask by grasping the front instead of by the ears.

That tells you nothing about the wind direction outside the nearby grocery store, next to a road enclosed by buildings so it forms a wind tunnel. If the wind comes from the front and the front guy coughs once, the entire row gets infected, but the back guy coughs, nothing happens. Wind reverses, effect reverses, but reduces by 25-35% because people are likely to face forward so the aerosols would hit their backs instead of their faces.

Did any of those cunts take THAT into account into any of their models?

I thought not.

It’s all just so fucking pathetic. All i see is well meaning people obediently following the rules because they’ve becomes so patheticly helpless they can’t even question what does and doesn’t make sense. If you tell them “we have experts” they will believe anything. They have to have a diploma with a government stamp though! Otherwise it’s not real.

At the beginning of the pandemic, when Dutch policy was herd immunity and casecount started to quickly rise above our neighbours and the reporters asked by the current policy was maintained “while internationally, scientists recommended lockdowns”, Our Prime minister said, verbatim, with a smile:


As i’m (finally) no longer completely alone in my views, my followers will know that i can be considerably eloquent if i wish to be. But i can assure you, in the entirety of my vocabulary both in English and Dutch, there isn’t a single word with enough gravitas to describe THE WAR CRIME that statement is. “We will ignore all others at all costs, even many lives of our countrymen, even if our scientists are empirically and provably wrong. Also they’ll never face repercussions over this”.

Honestly i’d be 100% for supporting trying these people in the international criminal court for crimes against humanity, as well as high treason. I’ve thought thoughts of shooting them many times over, but at this point, a bullet is too good for them. Fire is too good for them. They need to have their entire history and legacy dragged through the mud. Only total capitulation is good enough now. Just as with Hitler.

Shame that the court’s located in The Hague. How convenient. I don’t think the outcome would be favourable to the populace. So public arena it is then, because my voice is quite literally all i have left. I don’t even have my sanity anymore.

It’s also a shame that i was pushed this far. Yknow i resolved long ago to take my pain down with me? I’d lock it all up inside, be kind to others, and take all the pain the bullies caused me with me to the grave. I thought by taking a little bit of pain out of this world instead of adding to it, i could make it a better place in my own little way. Whatever was happening to those kids by their parents to make em mean to me… the buck stops here. I won’t pass it on.


So you want food huh?

Shame one of the things i used to put life into perspective was relating with Anime. Naruto and Dragon Ball Z are my favourites. I would even go as far to credit Naruto with keeping me alive by teaching me to accept my hatred, rather then fight it, and go together as one. The episode infront of the Bijuu waterfalls of truth, in case anybody is wondering.

But right now, i’m thinking about what happens when you try to take a Super Saiyans energy.

You can have as much as you want. Until you choke on it.

I was already looking for something to do outside of scams, voicing my thoughts is quite therapeutic i’ve found – And since my last trauma comes from a psychiatrist not believing i was dying when i was actually dying – i’m afraid “therapy” is no longer an option from now on.

I know i can’t speak for anyone else due to my uniqueness, and considering what happened to me, i ain’t leading jack shiat. Y’all can go fuck yourselves. I tried to do my part for society. It was rejected, wholesale, and i was left to die. Nay, i wasn’t even left to die, i had to die alone in my own home or risk incarceration. So while i’m on the subject, to the next fucking nurse receptionist that says “tell that holding somebody’s hand on the ICU”, BITCH I TRIED MY VERY BEST TO GET IN THERE WHILE DYING MYSELF AND I WASN’T ALLOWED BY YOU PEOPLE!

For the record, even after all my awful experiences: Open up the economy. We can easily take the sacrifices as there’s little left to save anyway, i really don’t care for the overworked medical profession they brought this on themselves by being stupid, and at this point, no matter what we do, we will not beat this virus. Because nobody has been taught to think freely enough to deal with a complex issue like this.

1984 happened in 1984. And people who engage in doublethink, cannot engage in reality at the same time. That’s why we will never get the virus “under control” by trying to eliminate it. Covid didn’t destroy us. We destroyed ourselves long ago and it was just a matter of time before anything stepped into the gaping hole of a society which ripped itself apart.

SO! What is a boy to do?

Well. Can’t be a leader. Can’t be a standard bearer. Can’t shut up either. I’ve definitely gone crazy. And i’ve got no energy. But i can still be something far more dangerous then a threat: A Symbol.

Good luck killing that. There’s NO ONE who has persevered more then me. There is NO ONE who has tried to do the right thing against all odds more then me. I could’ve just packed up my shit and left. I could’ve just set buildings on fire, with my intelligence they’d never catch me. I live in a 4 story apartment building, jumping isn’t much of an issue either.

But no. All i did, was break 1 very stupid rule, in a way that couldn’t possibly have endangered anyone, and in a way that added something to the world, instead of taking something away. We now have some very unique photos, that we couldn’t have had under any other circumstance, some of which atleast are sure to stand the test of time.

I know the Dutch government. They’ll wanna try and make me into a example. I fully expect to receive a fine for breaking the curfew in the mail if not worse, regardless of the outcome of this story, “because those are the rules” (though, i’m up for a pleasant surprise at this point). Also because they have no idea on how to set an example, cause they’re not leaders at all, so force is all they know. Meanwhile, i’m competent. I don’t need to use violence to get my point across. Strike me down, and i shall become more powerful then you can possibly imagine.

No please, fine the severely traumatized autistic cripple. I’m sure it’ll go over well with the populace 2 months before elections. Lets see if anybody in power even reads this far down. Banana!

Lets get to the part were i was a proper thorn in their side, shall we? My followers know i have a data driven approach, and i use what is given to show discrepancy in that data. And while the police might’ve forgotten how to catch criminals, aside from watching a decade of detective shows with my dad, i also watched all law and order episodes so i’m familiar with their methods (though no comment on the accuracy of execution).

So i used one against them. A good ol’ fashioned Stake-out.

My apartment is ideal for this. I live on the 3rd floor, and thanks to years of smoking on the balcony i’ve come to understand people never look up. Out of 100 people, One will occasionally look up. If you ever wanna hide, make sure you’re above 2 stories high. Especially at night living above the streetlights, which help to blind at close range for somebody on the ground too. During the day though it makes no difference, nobody ever looks up still.

I’ve got a clear view of the main road from the last pictures, but as it’s secluded to the side, no passer-by is quick to notice me, especially not since one way traffic drives away from the building. On the other side is the square, while i can’t see it directly, the street below leading to it is one of those hidden passage ways people don’t travel that often. So that serves as a good yardstick for controls over roads less travelled.

However, i focused my eyes on the main road almost exclusively and just listened for noise behind me, so i could get maximum coverage and not miss anything. I already figured there wouldn’t be any foot traffic below, so i wanted to focus on another theory: Maximum Illusion.

Of course there’s police out there. They need to show some sort of presence otherwise the lie stops real quick. But how much is there, really? Well, the main road’s easiest to check since everybody more or less takes it at some point, so i’ve got a good bead on that.

I did nothing more then count and describe every single car that passed by from 1:23 till 4:30 and end of curfew in the morning. In 3C wet weather. In my condition. Because it was the last thing the fascists would expect in this fucking country: Somebody actually suffering a little bit for what they believe in.

As you can see i’ve got a pretty good hiding spot. Across the way you can see the cafe and the nightclub i mentioned before, the cafe with their outside stuff all tucked away. I really hope it’s just some stupid regulation that didn’t take into account how wide the sidewalks in the inner city are here; As well as how many people are out and about in the winter to begin with. Because now it just looks incredibly depressing. I saw the first boards going up against a shop yesterday.

The other side. I can hear it when people stand around the corner there, which is a favourite hangout spot of various deplorables at times. I’ve been standing and smoking here for years, just observing people who had no idea they were being observed. I’ll tell you: I am NEVER sitting down on those concrete blocks again. Some people will go out of their way to climb up and piss in a corner. Also the bushes infront of my balcony are used as a public toilet by people worried someone sees them.

Pro-tip: Check up too if you’re going to urinate publicly somewhere. No one ever does. And no i don’t care, it happens all the time. To the point where i’d suggest to the government to put a toilet there. Maybe ontop of the sewer grate in that same location.

But i doubt they care, since those bushes are infront of the government office bicycle parking garage, down below. And i’ve seen people pissing in them, and over them, for over a decade.


They don’t even care about their own. Never did never will. They only care about what they can legislate. They care about pushing paper and making sure their budget is the biggest. Even when the population is literally pissing on them, they never get the thought or inclination to do anything about it or improve life in any way, for decades, if it can’t be legislated away.

As stated, i ignored this way. I would definitely hear it if somebody walked in this direction with the eerie silence out, and i already had a chance to test this on the first night of the curfew, where they did patrol, because of course the illusion has to be established, with a young man that came this way – he got away by simply walking at a brisk pace.

Besides, i’d already figured there wasn’t any foot police and was now interested in what the car traffic was. If there are cars everywhere, then everybody would still be too afraid to go out.


What follows below is my verbatim report that i typed on a notepad app on my phone while sitting on a chair or walking around, watching the road. I could hear any car coming well ahead of time so i had plenty of time to take notes. If a car drove by while i was typing commentary i’d just write it down ahead, and skip back to finish my note (benefits of a digital notepad i suppose).

Oh and just so you know; At 34, i’m not of the mobile generation. Took 12 years before we saw a Nokia on the playground that could play snake, and internet on phones was impractical to use until i was 20 when iPhones were invented. Whenever i smoke i’m alone with my thoughts as the weed helps me think through and process traumas, as well as distract me from them if needed; Not to mention the days spent alone during lunch breaks in the schoolyard hanging around a wall so they couldn’t come from behind – So staring at a road and keeping attention on it for 3 hours really is nothing to me at this point.

Remember kids. Monsters aren’t born. They’re either made, or allowed to exist.

I’ve done nothing but clean the report up a bit (capitals and such) on the PC after i mailed it to myself so it reads OK and removed phone typos (i don’t use autocorrect).

Stakeout report

1:23 – Police van right at the start of the watch, convenient. Looked like it was in a hurry cause it passed a civilian car at nearly twice the speed.

1:30 – Very loud modified motor with exhaust pipe pops in the distance to the east. Impossible to miss in half a kilometer radius. Sounded like it was going fast for an obvious reason.

~1:43 – The “sleet” started. Though its the Netherlands so its ~+3 degrees out and raining at the same time. This winter’s weather has been horrible.

1:49 – Saw a car, drove pretty slow. One of those half delivery vans. No lights though so i think it was just a civilian car. Damn these bad eyes.

1:56 – Civvie car. Fucking hands are freezing.

2:00 – Churchbells and a red civvie. According to my phone the churchbells are about 2 minutes too soon. But then again god’s never been punctual, if anything.

2:03 – Red and grey civvies. Red car went 27 kph, obeying the speed limit – there’s a radar sign across the way. No police anywhere for 40 minutes during a fucking curfew, Dutch people still obey the law, just in case. Weaklings and cowards. And not because they refuse to speed, which is the first connection they’ll make and point out to invalidate literally everything else i’ve said up to that point. Consider this a test.

2:06 – Heard a noise, falling board. Think it was the wind, no followup sounds. 2:09 update: yep, again, same pattern. Its the wind.

2:14 – Black civvie – followed up by the board.

2:17 – It didn’t rain much and has been dry for a while now. This is not the 3 hours of snow and rain i was promised. Then again, no one trusts weather forecast models even though those are continually researched and improved. Seems funny to me that we’d shut down entire economies based on newly created computer models that have proven to miss the mark time and again. Question those and you’re a crazy person. Good thing i am then. I must be. Otherwise, WHY AM I STILL FREEZING MY NUTS OFF?!

2:23 – An hour since i last saw or heard police. The board told me when it was time.

2:25 – POLIZEI! actually the car looked like the 1:49 one, just got a good look at it this time. Full size minivan, no lights. Followed by a 2:27 minivan WITH lights, also das gestapo. Oh i’m sorry, i meant tax collectors. Still, when it rains policemen it pours, eh?

Still… 1:25, 1:50, 2:25… Smells like a rotation, don’t it? Now i gotta freeze my nuts off till ~2:50 to find out, this piqued my interest.

2:29 – White civvie. Freezing hands. Freedom better treat me right after all this.

2:36 – All is quiet. Thought i’d note i’ve not seen or heard any foot traffic during the watch. Zero. Not a soul. If it wasn’t for the cars and knowledge i’d think i was in I Am Legend.

2:39 – moon photo – Elune keeps watch behind the clouds (played a WoW Druid for a LONG time).

2:45 – Still nuffin’ but a board. And the parking garage ventilation across the way.

2:50 – That marks half an hour since i’ve seen ANYONE. Pure quiet. Well ya can’t say that the Dutch aren’t obedient dogs. They do as they’re told. No wonder we deported the highest amount of Jews per capita in WWII. Uncomfortable facts the cowards would rather forget. Like Srebrenica. Didn’t hear the British lose anyone. But then again the Dutch are the only ones who go to war to *avoid* fighting. Sure glad our bombs on Syria made life better for everyone. Shoutout to Yemen btw, no relation, just would like them to know not *literally* everyone has forgotten them.

2:56 – Green civvie car! Also think my rotation theory is a fail. No Stasi.

2:58 – God says its 3:00. Who am i to argue?

2:59 – Delivery truck.

3:00 – FUNNILY ENOUGH, because its *so quiet* now, i can actually hear 3 churches! One is 2 minutes too fast, one is 30 seconds too fast, and one about 10 seconds – my phone clock changed after the 3rd gong.

Based on this enlightening experience i conclude the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are in disagreement and we need a new reformation based on this fact. A crusade or two will keep things fresh, it’s been a while.

3:02 – Civvie car, White… I mean, Racist.

3:07 – Civvie car, Grey. So only somewhat bigoted. Doesn’t mind the gays but doesn’t want any of them near him.

It had no effect captain… We lost him.

3:11 – Civvie car, black. He aight’


3:14 – Time for Pi.

3:18 – Grey civvie car.

3:20 – Police! Minivan with lights again. I’m starting to think they *are* on an *hourly* rotation and 1:49 was happenstance.

I didn’t start off thinking hourly cause that’s laughable, even for them. But here we are. Evidence so far is that the 1:49 car was a half car and everything else is vans. Maybe even a separate section of enforcement, given the double vans of different types around 2:25. Maybe rando controls to shake things up, its what i would do.. But you need manpower for that. No conclusions yet.

3:27 – Sirens in the distance. Sounds like police. Coming from way further south though.

3:32 – Black civvie car.

3:36 – Squeaking of a bicycle’s breaks, first from behind then again near the main road. Didn’t see anyone pass.

3:40 – Resorting to bouncing up and down to get some warmth into my feet. There’s a fucking reason oppression tends to happen in winter yknow (shout out to the Russians protesting in i think Yakutsk, at -40C!). Voicing discontent through actions is never easy. That’s why it carries weight.

3:46 – POLICE CAR! With orange lights on. This puts the mystery at rest: They are working off a half hour rotation for Maximum Illusion. The 2:50 was a dropout. As long as they show themselves on the main roads every half an hour, everybody THINKS they are enforcing. They’re NOT! They are picking low hanging fruit stupid enough to stick to main roads so it makes for good propaganda. There’s no *real* enforcement.

As long as i don’t pass through my street from x:45-55 and x:15-25 (keeping 2:25 in mind because of guard rotation), and stick to anything but a main thoroughfare, *they won’t catch me*.

You people need to play more games. Recommend the Metal Gear Solid series, Hitman, Assassin’s Creed 1-3, Thief 3, and Elder Scrolls: Oblivion for good measure. And keep in mind: The A.I. Is smarter then modern day humans, as well as deliberately put in the way to be a bother.

4:00 – Left shoulder’s starting to hurt again, probably from holding my phone to type. Close now though, gonna go for the end.

4:09 – Been dry for hours now. So dry, the bricks have dried up, at ~3C! Fucking models. I was promised snow. Just like they vaguely promised the lockdown would be over in half November. Bunch of dumbfuck Dutch are so stupid you can literally repeat that trick 4 times in a row and they will STILL say, en masse, “it’s only 3 weeks”. Like Sheep.

4:10 – Police car! Lets see if we see more between 4 and 4:30. They like to check extra at the start and end to keep up appearances you see. First night of the curfew i saw police on foot around 21:30 with a flashlight under my balcony before he walked back to is coworkers. Was tracking a guy who passed 2 minutes earlier but continued onward at a brisk pace. Naturally that was a young guy while the policeman was severely overweight, so was ambling at half the pace. Not only don’t they have staff, the staff they do have is incompetent. Because when he didn’t see anything around the corners behind the opposite building here, he said to his co-workers “no, nothing” and fucked off. SO IF YOU THINK GUARDS IN GAMES ARE STUPID FOR GOING “Must just be the wind” AFTER A MINUTE, HUMANS AGAIN ARE STUPIDER AND ONLY TAKE 20 SECONDS!

4:12 – 2 delivery vans, DHL.

4:18 – Civvie car. Cold hands. 10 minutes.

4:20 – Civvie car, blazin’ it.

4:25+4:26 – civvie car. Life boots up again.

4:29 – civvie car.

4:30 – Delivery truck, civvie car and end of curfew! (half hour after when bars usually close). Which means end of tonight’s #PeasantWatch. Now if you’ll excuse me, i’ve got a hot date with a electric heater.

As you can see. There’s nothing to be afraid off. As soon as there is even the slightest bit of a riot somewhere, the police has to use ALL its forces on those small riots alone.

They cannot possibly enforce the curfew, so they don’t!

It’s not a myth. The government has lost all touch with reality. They’re moving pawns around on a map representing armies that simply aren’t there anymore. They make more rules and more insane rules, then when people don’t follow them, blame them and make more rules. But i’ll tell you something else:

I did not come across any civilian foot traffic either. All pictures are devoid of ALL life.

The civilian population is obeying the rules, even far beyond the point where they should’ve already revolted against them!


It is the rules that don’t make any sense, built by academics looking at numbers and making assumptions based on fantasy! Enabled by feckless incompetent leaders all too happy to provide a populace a distraction from the crimes they have, and ARE, committing!


And i’ve shown it’s perfectly possible to do so without violence, without destruction, without taking anything out of this world – even adding to it with a unique journey that will stand the test of time. It hasn’t just been me. Gandhi showed the way. Non-compliance works!

How am i threat to anybody?!

I’m only a threat to incompetent authority.

And considering i’m so fucking different from society that society doesn’t even want me, i have to say, this one is not on me. This is you lazy fucks not doing your civic duty and opposing tyranny.

And you know what?

The people know, the policy makers know, and even the police know. It’s just that nobody has the guts to say anything. But when it comes to the boots on the ground, no one wants this, and it shows.

Sometimes you just get lucky. I had planned on the stakeout being the last of the evidence of the folly of government, but a day later during a smoke i got reeeeaaaaaal lucky.

On the 28th at 22:10 i was outside having a smoke when a police van pulled over a car at the end of the street for checks, just outside of view. I thought to myself to make a note not to come into this street between x:10 instead of x:15. But after the car was checked, they actually stuck around for a while, as more people were coming down the street so they started doing spot checks (for 15 minutes, then they fucked off again.)

I saw them wave multiple people through without checks (pro-tip: mount a domino’s delivery box on the front of your bike or back of your scooter and make a fake pizza with a heating pad), saw them check people and move them through, but i didn’t see them pass out any fines. Naturally they weren’t in view all the time, so i couldn’t really tell.

Then one of them stopped a pedestrian, right in view! And great thing about policemen: They talk loud cause they think it gives them authority by scaring people. So me, and my phone, heard everything.

Note: This is the lower quality version, the torrent one has a higher bitrate. I’m afraid i need to conserve bandwidth here, cause i don’t have a hedge fund to bail me out.

For English speakers, i’ll summarize: The policeman says things like “That’s going to cost you money!” and “no the curfew started 5 days ago” and lists the days. He asks for ID and says “If people are found outside without valid reason they get fined”. I couldn’t make out what the pedestrian was saying, so i didn’t hear that side of the conversation. Which, IMO, shows you more about the behaviour of the policeman: He was shouting so loud my phone was picking it up no problem, while the dude he was talking to was talking at a normal volume the policeman clearly could make out…. But i couldn’t even hear with trained classical music composers ears. So that’s the differential in volume here.

It’s not the policeman who’s displaying normal behaviour. Also, no muzzle for him. So i guess the pedestrian can just get fucked then if that policeman has it and hasn’t gone symptomatic yet. Even though, on a night like this, the policemen controlling everybody ARE the largest point of contacts!


And at the end, he lets the guy go without a fine best i can tell! To be fair he’s got a tablet or something to check ID, so maybe he did something there. But as far as i know, you have to get a receipt or piece of paper or something if you’re fined (the actual fine) and i only see him handing his ID back. 5 days into curfew!

And he reminds him to “go home immediately now”.

They pretend they’re scary. But that’s all they are. Like monsters in a closet. They’re emboldened by their monopoly on violence and support by psychopaths from on high, but in reality, they don’t dare exercise it against the normal populace. They only pick on the weak and vulnerable. At the slightest hint of insecurity and resistance – maybe the idea that fining people for something incredibly ridiculous might make them angry and will come back to haunt the police – they fold like cheap lawn chairs. They will use the might of the legal system against you, but if you refuse to comply, there’s nothing they can, or dare, do. Cowards, unless they can swarm you, cower in fear.

Just like you only see the hardcore hooligans on TV whenever they cause trouble, you only see the crack police troops.

The rest of them are weak, fat, slow, incompetent….and scared of us.

That’s not to say they aren’t people themselves just trying to get through life. They too have mouths to feed, and i sympathize.


EVERY MAN AND WOMAN is responsible for their own decisions.

This policeman decided to terrorize this civilian by instilling fear in order to force compliance. Because he’s following the rules of the government that say he has to.

For no good reason as the pedestrian wasn’t even fined, and i doubt the policeman ever intended to in the first place.

All that happened was authority instilling fear into a civilian.

And that is the very definition of terror:

Where did you idiots think the word came from? Bunch of camelfuckers with towels? No no no, it came from some very pasty French that might’ve started out with a good idea, but once they became government, they invented terror. And atleast they had the decently to kill people directly, instead of just starving them out morally and financially. A good reminder that there is no shortcut around the responsibility of voting in competent leadership, no matter the cost!

Let them eat stocks.

And you know what, again, sometimes you get lucky. While finishing up the first draft, not even 3 hours ago at 01:18 on January 30th during another smoke, i spotted another bit of civil discourse from on high:

Again. Dead of night, middle of curfew. No police anywhere. And they know.

So thanks again SHEEP! You fucking losers are all locked inside your cages, begging to swallow more of the governments cock, masturbating to the fearporn in the background, while the actual normal people just continue their lives without fear of retribution.

This curfew does nothing to stop the main cause of increasing cases: Normal desire to connect.


Especially not here. Maybe the Chinese will suffer through it (though i hear the virus, as well as the metal bars on front doors, are resurging), but while the Dutch don’t give a fuck about others, they still very much care about their own personal freedom. And that’s what the Dutch government has forgotten and underestimated.

They think, rightfully so, that as long as nobody looks at the man behind the curtain, the illusion of them being wizards will be maintained.

But eventually. People will look. They will realize all of this was for nothing and none of the measures made sense. It’s cold out now – But spring is coming. And i’m more then happy to just set the curtain on fire with a million eyes from around the world on it so it can’t be redrawn.

And there’s a VERY good reason the current government doesn’t want to delay the elections!

Because people vote Economy and rebel in Spring. Elections are on the 17th of March, in usually shit weather.

If they are delayed just 3 months, the results will shift dramatically because they KNOW they fucked up, but once they’re back in power, all the sheep will obey the system while they institute even more draconian measures to keep onto that power!


I was able to predict the pandemic, the second wave, the extended lockdowns, the lack of police and enforcement, the ineffectiveness of their so called measures, and even vainly tried to warn everybody continuously.

I’ve done nothing wrong. And i won’t be told by those PSYCHOPATHS that i did.

Nor will i be told by some gaslit Stockholm syndrome infested society that i did.

I took a trip, made some pretty pictures, endangered no one, and only bitched about the incompetence of the government while sharing my painful history as a result of that incompetence. All of it is freedom of speech, and that used to mean something a long time ago. Until people decided they didn’t wanna fight for a voice anymore. And now that they want to use that voice to cry, and can’t, they complain. Well tough. I always have, and always will.

And that society doesn’t like me accusing them for the crimes it committed, tough shit. Should’ve shown some character and spoke up on behalf of the weak at some point. The measure of a civilization is in how it treats its weakest members, and speaking from the very bottom, i can tell you, this civilization comes down to “Give them money and have somebody else deal with it”.

Well until 2020, then it just became “Have somebody else deal with it”. Well. I’ve dealt with it all my life. Until i couldn’t take it anymore. Now the shadows are my home, and you guys get to deal with the fallout. Have. Fun. I’ll be watching from the shadows to see if you can take as much as i could.

But that’s not enough. Oh no. Like i said, i crush. I only get to burn obscurity once, so i gotta make it good.

The problem is clear as day, and it’s very simple. People aren’t aware, they don’t wanna be aware, so they have to be made aware. Not through violence. Through competence, because that’s the thing people don’t know they’re missing in their life even though they search for it all the time. You know why they can’t find it? Because all their role models have been promoted to be so, because they were incompetent when they started and that is what the powers that be want to promote, so you’ll love them too.

People simply don’t know what competence looks like!

But i do.

And i intend to show it to them.

Starting with my articles that share what i’ve been through and teach people not just economics and finance, but how to think again! All my articles on my website are so long, because i weave my methods into them. They are there not just to inform, but to teach and pass along my analytical ability.

But… Information doesn’t speak to people who refuse to think and only want to feel. You have to make them feel feelings they don’t even know exist, feelings far more powerful then the deadened existence the powers that be offer them.

You’ll own nothing, and be happy.

Fuck that.

I might not know how to speak with people, i know more then anyone working in their propaganda agencies about real human behaviour and how to speak to people. Because i kept quiet, accepted what i was told, got hurt for it, and figured out why each and every time, until i figured my way through the system. All i had to do to beat the system is do the one thing it didn’t think it was possible.

Survive. And i have.

Now its the turn of others. People have forgotten, but the powers that be have gone too far this time. The (very) recent scandal with Robin Hood and the GameStop stock, where the rules were changed in order to save rich people after poor people finally beat the system, has shown a whole new mass of people the system is openly rigged against them.

And history repeats yet again. The last phase of the empire always is, “Bread and Games”, and has been so since the time of the Roman Empire. Naturally, that means when those are gone, the empire falls. And with the GameStop debacle, the powers took away the bread and games.

BIG mistake. Now everyone knows. And that’s one genie you cannot put back in the bottle.

This is War.

Wars need tactics and strategy. In this case, it’s very simple:

Just leave the system. Do Not Comply with it. That is all.

Buy physical silver and gold. Sound money. Keep nothing more then the bare minimum in your bank account. I’ve lived since that since December 2019, works fine. My physical silver and gold is up 40%. My stock investments are up 60%, and that is with the highly manipulated gold market being forced far below its actual price based on supply and demand.

This because the American futures exchange for gold and silver, The Comex, is highly fraudulent too. I’ve spent half a year collecting data on it (also found on my website, an article as long as this one: )

Ask anybody in the Silver and Gold space. There are very few people who believe the price hasn’t been depressed more then your average Emo to keep the system afloat. But…. Crashes Matter. Ever since March/April 2020, Record amounts of gold and silver get delivered each month. Just yesterday, 33,323 contracts, or 3,332,300 million ounces of gold stood for delivery.

That’s after, outside of shadowcontracts, 50,000+ contracts were delivered in April 2020, 40,000+ in June, August, 30,000+ in the non-active month of October, and 30,000+ in December. Comex has used every trick in the book, from threats to collusion to haircuts, to keep going. The moment anybody gets close to breaking the system, the rules change. Only massive demand will overwhelm it.

Don’t bother with futures. Just go to the website of a bullion dealer and buy silver and gold, while it’s still cheap, and available! Stick it in a private vault with a private company that guarantees ownership. I use these guys to store locally even (for Dutchies):

Note: I stored everything there in December, and didn’t go back until July – and when i visited again they had suddenly build two more rows of boxes in the middle of the vault; Which is pretty drastic cause it made the vault ALOT more cramped. I’ve looked, but i couldn’t find any stock of a company like this, anywhere. That’s because they all have the same structure: ALL shares are put into a non-profit institution to prevent hostile takeovers. These companies popped out of the ground after the 2008 crash, and it’s the next great bullmarket. Private Vault Space. You wanna get rich in the next 5 years by servicing the gold miners, just like the saloons and pie bakers during the gold rush, start a private vault company ensuring full ownership of the contents of the vault.

Vaults are alot slower to construct then it is to pull new metal out of the ground. And expensive, especially in an inflationary environment with a highly corrupt construction sector.

Once people start leaving the system, it’s game over real quick. The system has become so fragile, “saving everyone” wasn’t even an option anymore a year ago, and “saving alot” has already stopped being an option too. The system will collapse on its own soon. And when it does, people will look to leaders for an answer. They’ll tell them slavery is it. And everybody desperately agrees. Because they simply haven’t been given the knowledge that letting the system fail, in the end, will hurt less at this point. Which is the exact reason the powers that be don’t want the people to know. And the people it’ll hurt the most (well, atleast nominally) are the people who deserve to get hurt the most.

It’s like a relationship you never wanted to break off, and in the end you did, and it was as shit as you predicted it would be… For a month. And then it became much better then ever before. This isn’t gonna take a month… But it sure as shit is going to take a hell of alot longer with these clowns still running the show.

Take it from somebody who had to deal with his issues, or die. It hurts. Every time, it hurts like hell and i cry my eyes out. But these days, those real feelings of pain… Never last longer then 5 minutes. Compared to the weeks of hell i had to suffer through during the 3 years i’d forgotten how to cry.

So i can help wake people up there too. This isn’t just a financial class war. This is a cultural class war too. Where the rich and famous want you to love the incompetent, so all media and advertising is focused on promoting these people and making you feel like that’s who you want to love; Quite literally using techniques pioneered by Joseph Goebbles.

And there too, they fucked with they wrong guy.

Music speaks to us all. And i know music. Hell, everything i’ve shown to be good at so far i’ve had to train myself in from scratch, but when it comes to composition, i was taught for 5 years. By my own father in a Master-Apprentice setting no less, somebody who actually put in energy to adjust the material to my needs.

But i’m still a child of my time. I listened to alot of music before it became necessary to the powers that be to promote incompetence to distract from economic calamity. So i know it both. Both modern music that speaks to people, and i can create my own, better then anyone else with the knowledge i have (and that i can also teach to others). I may be rusty, because i haven’t had time to compose in about 2 years… But this stuff is like riding a bike. I spent the first 3 months going home after every lesson with a massive headache simply due to my brain literally rearranging to try and understand something insanely complex; Harmonic Theory. Not even a shitty lil virus will destroy that.

And thanks to modern technology, i have some indestructible allies. You can’t kill what’s already dead. But the dead can still speak to the living. All i need is 2 songs.

History rarely repeats, but it often rhymes. Fitting, considering the latter.

But the third one is from the living, me. I’ve only ever made one composition i saw fit to include in my opus, Opus No.1, and i think the time has come to share it with you today.

Because i want you to see what’s possible when you open your mind.

It’s entirely played by orchestral virtual instruments, as i am unable to play ANY instrument myself!

My fine-motor skills disability prevents it. Even though i’ve been a gamer all my life, i still make “stupid” mistakes constantly simply because i missclick or mis-hit a button. To me, in my brain, i hear and feel myself sending the correct signal, it’s just that my body executes something differently entirely. It just arrives corrupted, for some reason. That’s fine in games, i’m still awfully quick, and i can just use backspace alot when i type (as well as my typing pattern being very irregular bursts). But you just cannot unhear a note.

So i literally just learned to compose by using theory as a guide and framework, naturally with my father receiving most of the credit as i’ll happily admit he’s right when he with his 45 years of experience says “you cannot learn classical music without an education. You need to be taught”. And i was, thoroughly. And after i was taught the rules, i was taught to let them go. And i did.

It’s thanks to that education that i’m capable of both using rules and know when to ignore them, as in classical music, there is a number one rule, a prime directive if you will:

“The rules apply, until something else sounds better“.

“What sounds better” is what the education is for, and why you need to be taught. You need to have somebody with a trained ear tell you what sounds wrong. It takes a while, but after a while, you can hear your mistakes i promise you.

Harmonic theory wasn’t invented in 10,000BC. It was invented in the 18th Century by Jean Phillipe Rameau:

And what he did, was nothing more then collect the works of the great masters up to that point, study them thoroughly, and simply write down what most of them did most of the time.

Music is innate. Theory is a guide, but once you’re trained, you can break it. I’ve already created new theory myself: Normally you’re supposed to invert the 7th degree of a scale, but i created a situation where my father with an ear trained for over 40 years was forced to say: “Alright, so you know that you’re supposed to invert the 7th degree with the 3rd note in the outer voice because that sounds better. So why isn’t that the case here?”

He had tried the alternatives, because he knew the alternatives, as did i, as i had tried them too. But, the pattern of the melody demanded those notes in those places. The voice leading between the notes was so strong, it overcame centuries of established theory, by simply using higher-ranked sections of the theory against itself. And i can’t even remember what piece that was, cause it was homework.

The reason why i could see it and my father couldn’t, is because while he is vastly more talented then i am, i am stronger theoretically, as my father has been honing his talent all these years (which was the right path for him) while i’ve been throwing my intellectual weight behind my strong point, theory. I understand the unwritten hierarchy within the theory. I somehow understand what parts of theory weigh heavier in what context.

And i’ve not even gotten started because listening to my piece now, i already hear parts i would like to do differently. But i don’t dwell on the past; There’s always the next piece. Composers only get better until the end of their life, as there’s always something new to discover.

But all this talk of abstract theory (and yes a little bragging) can’t possibly produce something beautiful right? I mean, my father must’ve just cut me some slack right?

Great thing about music. Proof’s in the pudding. Everybody can hear beauty, even if they can’t understand it. We’re all still attracted to pretty people after all, though few understand the rules behind beauty (start with Symmetry and work your way up Piet Mondriaan from there).

So, without further ado, judge for yourself:

It was written for a good friend at the time to make her feel better whenever she was feeling down, or “tiny” as she liked to call it. I’ve made a few, but the others were more raw and personal. This one’s good enough to be felt by the world.

I dare anybody with face tattoos to produce something that sounds even remotely the same.

I dare the government and their entire subsidy driven A-tonal culture club to produce anything even remotely as competent as my very first piece.

Oh i’m putting it all on the line here. My very soul is in there. I might not have money, i am far wealthier then they will ever be.

And you could be too. If you just stop complying with the madness and seek out logic and reason. That’s all i used to understand, and learn all that i have. My genius comes from being able to do it independently (though again, you wanna learn music like i did, good luck surviving a 5 year education that gave ME headaches). My work is public, well known and well liked for always using the other person’s data.

You can too! If I can use public data, obviously YOU can too! I just google alot (via i encourage you to check it out and read about it, only takes a minute). Whenever i find a word or definition i don’t understand, i simply google “<word> Definition” and read up on it, and that’s it.

That’s all i’ve been doing for 2 decades. That’s most of my smarts. I read the same stuff you do, that everyone does. But instead of skipping over something i don’t understand, i search for knowledge to understand it! You don’t realize how few people do that! You have to Live it, but when you do, after a short while, it’s piss easy.

Only when something takes too long, i skip over it, and the next time i come across the same info, i try again. Because time has passed, i had time to think about it or i came across some other piece of info i can now combine with in my mind in order to further my understanding. People are horrible when it comes to management of time.

Instant Gratification is a Disease.

We need a new sickness definition: Gratification Addiction. Y’all are addicts. Sometimes you gotta act fast. Sometimes ya gotta just wait, and go do something else for fucks sake. The entire mobile gaming market runs on people unable to bear waiting for gratification!!!!!

Here’s something daytraders don’t understand: If i research a company up front and find value at the bottom, and then invest what i want in it for a reason, i can go do something else!

I log into my trader once a month, maybe. Visit my vault like once a year. I’ve got no need to look at money. Do you have any idea how many hours i’ve spent playing videogames, that also just had fake numbers on the screen representing money? Games with entire economical systems baked into them?

MMO’s that’d better have an ACTUAL functioning economy, because if they hyperinflate they die (and there’s no fiat money in doing so cause it’s virtual), and if they don’t run a proper economy they die?

After reading all of this, go read my article on Virtual Labor. It is, including this one, still the one i’m most proud of. Because it shows you, that a virtual economy based on digital labor IS VERY MUCH POSSIBLE WITH SOUND MONEY! You just have to understand economics. That the government’s economists don’t, isn’t any of my concern. We have to work around them now:

If i’m smart enough to understand harmonic theory so fully that i can produce THAT kind of music, all on my own (and it would sound a heck of alot better still with a trained orchestra performing it because modern tech (and my lack of money) only gets me so far) – I sure as shit can understand economics, which i’ve studied for even longer.

I didn’t get an education in it so i miss a few definitions and the highly complex stuff like Gamma, but considering *Gestures Wildly*, that is probably for the best.

Besides none of it is needed, because the stockmarket ran just fine before 1970, much better then today even, and that was before all of this complexity was introduced!

Maybe it’s made complex on purpose to blow smoke up your ass huh? Realizing that is about 80% of my financial smarts right there. Like Warren Buffett says, you only need an IQ of about 130 to invest. The rest is nice but it’s not required. I once estimated i was using about 40% of my intelligence to do what i do in the stock market.

When i actually got off my lazy ass and ran the numbers, that works out to about ~115 in IQ. So slightly above average.

LOOK IT’S DEAD EASY! If i find a company that’s got a market cap half of enterprise value, i look at the price to book and it’s 0.33, and the company has no debt…It’s just a matter of time, time i can use to accumulate.

When it goes up, who gives a fuck? Time to accumulate something else. And in the time between generating funds, i’ll go learn something else, and get even smarter.

Star trek works. Living for the betterment of ones self with all disregard for money works.

Even against all odds. I’ve PROVEN it.

There’s your fucking symbol right there.

I fucking DARE wallstreet to come up with anything even remotely similar. This is stuff money cannot buy. I’ve lived off a yearly income equating to 75% of Dutch minimum wage, or about €14,500-€15,000 for a decade.

I have no debt.

I just lived frugally out of respect for taxpayers money. I don’t buy what i don’t need. I was able to spend €10,000 on this apartment when i moved in, so virtually none of the appliances have failed (only a faulty product run from Whirlpool with deliberately cheap IC’s and bearings – fuck you guys, never buying American again). And i still was able to save up ~5k before having to buy stuff again, even with €10k of savings still in a savings account that i never had to touch!

I just lived with the purpose of never having to touch it, as i considered my life a failure – but i wanted my kids to have the best start i could give them once i got em, the same thing i had, 10k when i moved out, to invest in their future. It was my main motivation for converting it to silver and gold and getting it out of the system in 2019 – because i couldn’t stop hearing their voices in my head.

“Daddy daddy, if you knew, why didn’t you do something?”

And i couldn’t stand it. I wanted to be able to look them in the eyes and say, “No kids, Daddy did do something. Daddy did his very best to protect everyone he could. And he saved some lives doing so, including yours.”

And i have. Maybe i’ll get kids, maybe not. But incase i do, i’m covered. That’s a long term hedge many people will very much regret never making. But then again, i seem to be the only one that looks ahead these days.

I think the story is long enough by now, people get the point…. Or if not we’re just lost and it doesn’t matter what i do. Russia’s looking like a good place to invest in the next 20 years. The only entrepreneurial spirit i’ve ever come across is my Russian best friend. At some point when i started making inventions i tried making one specific to each of my friends, just because i wanted to do something with them and i knew i could make anything work…. But no one wanted to.

Except him. The conversation took about 5 minutes and came down to “Do you wanna get motherfucking rich?” and he said “Fuck yes let’s do it”. Until him i didn’t know what it was like to have somebody believe in you, and i do mean, really believe in you, just the way you are, no matter what you’ve been through. If i’m going up, he’s coming with me. Nepotism makes the world go around i’ve had that beaten into me enough. No need to be honourable at this point that’s long since been corrupted by unscrupulous people who just use it to depress competition.

I usually have trouble promoting myself… for obvious reasons… But i doubt i can hide from this one.

SO! COME AND FIND ME BITCHES! for daily contact! I’ve talked to alot of people in my messages, getting them out of the system all year and protecting them from scams best i could see. I tweet alot, and my media feed is filled with data on Tether (as well as random events/stuff). And cancelling me is…. Not something they want to do. For now it’s convenient… But it’s up to them to keep it that way. for articles, knowledge, and should i get knocked off anywhere else, i’ll just turn on comments there and disable them everywhere else. Social Concentration i’m calling it 😀 Moment one communication channel drops, all users find the next channel rapidly, and the community stays concentrated. You’ll find it’s these vapid talking head fools that “split” their attention between 10 different platforms for ad revenue that are completely unreachable on all of them 99% of the time. I’ll make an independent forum when i can afford a website guy. for streams. I do substreams where it’s just me, you, a browser and a question (and others too when i find a style and a new workstation, this PC is end of life). I’ve already done one which was a huge success… Because i can actually think so i can do analysis live no problem, and i’ll always state my reservations.

If you wanna support “the cause” (which is just me, because i am about as independent as an independent can get), help me grow my twitch channel. Once i hit partner, i can negotiate better deals with Twitch. They’re owned by Amazon, which is owned by Jeff Bezos, and while he might be an asshole billionaire, he’s a smart asshole billionaire. Legitimately smart and forward looking.

As in, he sold $10,2 billion worth of Amazon stock in 2020, and i didn’t read about him investing in anything so i have no idea where the hell that money went. If the forward looking holds up, commodities and physical assets via shell companies. What does he care about losing $100 billion in stock value if his $1 billion in gold becomes $100 billion, while everybody else goes to zero? Wealth is relative yknow.

Anyways, what i mean to say is, he’s nothing if not pragmatic. Woke is finally going broke. As evidenced by the fight over Star Wars going on at Disney right now, which the fans are finally looking like they’re going to win. EVERYONE votes economy, even station heads, and when the money starts running out and they start to worry about the size of their slice of the pie… Pragmatism always wins out. Just takes awfully long, because even the secondary market can remain irrational longer then most companies can remain solvent (zombie companies, anyone?)

The moment the gamers revolt (and they’re very close it looks like), Twitch isn’t going to abandon it’s main source of revenue for these woke incompetent bastards. They’re gonna pivot like a ballerina immediately. Meanwhile i’ve got to pick and choose my battles here, and as i said. He sold alot of stock already. Amazon will live no matter what simply due to its structure (and people always need some sort of product). Even breaking Amazon up at this point won’t make him less rich. So again, fight the battles you can win.

Meanwhile, there is no financial community on twitch!

The vast majority of my followers had no clue what it was. Some even asked if they could pay me more some other way, i refused, cause i want this to work (and guess what, they like me enough to find ways around the limitations, thanks guys!).

There isn’t even a category.

This means the Twitch finance community is Virgin. It’s completely untouched.

There are NO vested interests. No one’s looking. Literally. All the talking heads are on YouTube where the ad money is.

I can spot a gap in the market a mile away. And i hate ads anyway. I have 6 adblockers yknow.

I’m gonna pull that cart. If i make it to partner, Twitch will listen, and once they listen and maybe even add a few very simple additions that’d allow me to integrate a newsletter/information selling with the Twitch system (ofcourse… i already have a plan worked out. I just love me a good backup plan). I know i can do it, because i can do live analysis, because i can think. And i can even say, go watch my past broadcasts if you don’t believe me.

I’ll live up to my title and become a symbol that way. Go read this article if you wanna know how i got that one:, but be warned… That’s a 150k words book (We’re up to 41,400 words now). And the best lesson in marketing you’ll ever have. And another story on regulatory failings – and how i don’t fail in finding ALL problems.

It won’t be easy. But freedom and independence never is.

Meanwhile, it’ll offer me a platform for my music as well. I can compose live (and just not look at chat), premiere stuff live, and with subs + merch i will never have to worry about signing with a label or promoting myself for income, or use ads (except on YouTube specifically to annoy people into Twitch where i won’t use them xD If it works Twitch grows if it doesn’t i get rich off ad revenue anyway. Use the system you’re given against itself!). If i make partner i can negotiate permanent video retention, some partners do have it.

The music will help the finance side and the finance side will help the music. People love both after all, and it’s a new dawn. Why WOULD i make 3 different channels for 3 different things, just so that the algorithm can “get to know you better”? How about you bastards just accept that i can do multiple things at once and when i do something ya don’t like, just fuck off and watch somebody else for a while.

Oh yeah, and the attitude stays. It works and it won’t get worse, i can’t possibly get more cynical at this point. Besides, i’ve always been timid, and 2 months after i started becoming brash, i went from 135 twitter followers to 1350 in a day. Ever since i started taking a sledgehammer to Tether’s face on the regular it’s exploded upward again. I’m still fucking socially blind so i’ve got no idea WHY it works, but it sure as shit does, so i ain’t gonna stop, for no one, ever again.

The swearing too, by the by. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but swearing is ALWAYS the first thing to get censored, as people most readily agree to it; Then an environment is created where everybody has to be continually nice otherwise nobody makes any money, and then as a final step the charlatans will state “civil insanities” to get any good kind person to blow their top, and when they do, the charlatan will claim offence and immediately invalidate any argument or data the other person brings. This damned behaviour has now gone as far as the fucking EMTs THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO SAVE MY LIFE!

Fuck that. I’ve learned that i can steamroll these bastards with the swearing because reality and truth doesn’t change. Because i can control my emotions. Sure, i’m angry… But i’m never angry to the point where it affects my ability to apply logic or reason. I still make the same points i would make otherwise… But because the swearing now lends gravitas to points they could at first easily dismiss with civil lies; Other people look at them with the thought “He does have a point… why aren’t you saying anything?”. Because they can’t. Because now, they can’t argue my character. They have to argue Data. And they can’t, cause they’re full of shit.

That’s because swearing’s quite powerful. It’s like a spell that can enchant or disenchant people, if used correctly. Again – No coincidence swearing is the first to go, both in direct censorship for “family friendly content” (HELLO ITS 2021 WITH THE INTERNET i’m pretty sure an 8 year old can teach me some new things at this point), as well as the promotion of people who swear and curse every other word while convincing the general populace that is what sounds cool, what’s “badass” and will get you women and fat stacks of cash.

No, badass is knowing when to use and when to not fucking use a fucking swearword. Ya fuck.

You laughed right? So much for causing offence. Also if you didn’t… well i can’t land all of em.

Whatever happens. Good luck to everyone out there. Even if all our problems were to magically vanish… Recovery from all of this is going to take a long, long time. Fixing the problems and moving towards a society for the betterment of all will take hard work. I believe The Next Generation can do it. We’ve never been closer to peace. I’ll help best i can. But it’s up to you now.

– Kirian van Hest, also known as; Deso, God of Vision.